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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I too harsh re partner and rent

23 replies

Chocolatebox11 · 04/07/2021 23:07

My partner was unemployed for about 4 months and he wasn’t entitled to any universal credit or anything as we live together. So I had to pay all the rent, food etc and his phone bill, transport etc and it was really tough. My earnings vary each month so there were 1-2 months where he got a couple of hundred quid but I still had to pay most stuff.

I lent him money to pay for credit card bills too and he currently owes me almost a grand.

It came out of my wages and life savings.

Now he’s had his hours reduced at work due to the company’s financial losses and so is only on 8 hours a week minimum wage.

As a result he’s having to look for another job. It’s not his fault and he’s been unlucky but I’m stressed. If I were on a big salary it’d be different but I’m on minimum wage too and he has zero family help.

Before I told him that I really couldn’t afford to pay the rent etc again by myself and that I really needed him to be looking for work ASAP, and he understood.

He doesn’t want to do just any job which I do understand but this time I am point blank refusing to cover all the rent etc.
He might be lucky and get a job very soon but who knows.
Do you think I’ve been too harsh? If I had loads of money it might be different but it puts me in a difficult situation and I’ve already lost a grand of a house deposit nearly.

OP posts:

Thehop · 04/07/2021 23:09

YANBU at all to put pressure on, but realistically what can you do? If your name is on the lease you have to pay the rent.

But.....I’ve been out of work before and had a job within a week. McDonald’s, supermarkets, bars, cleaning. It’s there if he’s proactive. Now isn’t the time to be picky.

Ivy48 · 04/07/2021 23:11

If you’re in a situation where it’s month to month living, no idea how to pay bills then you take any job in the meantime to keep you afloat. I’m with you on this, he’s needs to find something ASAP and not be picky. Id also leave the 8 hour job if the opportunity came up for full time work somewhere else. Give him a time frame if not he has to leave, you pay all the bills now anyway and also would be slightly cheaper on your own.

autumnboys · 04/07/2021 23:12

I’m sure he doesn’t want to take just any job, but he needs to get out there and find a second job to bring some money in for now.

I get that you don’t want to cover the rent again, but realistically, you may end up paying it to avoid being evicted. He knows that. He’s counting on it.

Original poster

Chocolatebox11 · 04/07/2021 23:13

That’s it. I understand he wants to progress to better paid jobs but I’ve tried to say to him that it’s not fair on me to have to pay for everything whilst he waits for the right role. I think he should take on any role he can and then can look for something better after that.

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/07/2021 23:14

You haven't been harsh enough.
He needs money, he works in whatever job he can get.

Original poster

Chocolatebox11 · 04/07/2021 23:14

It caused me so much stress before and I really need this grand back off him too. He can be a bit lazy and he needs to make applying for jobs a full time job. I agree I need to give him a time frame in which to find one, or we can’t live together.

OP posts:

Sweetchocolatecandy · 04/07/2021 23:14

I don’t think your partner can afford to be picky about what job he wants as if he was a decent person he’d be desperate to do ANY job to help you with the rent and bills considering you have essentially been ‘keeping’ him for the last few months.

How would he manage if he didn’t have you to pay his way for him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2021 23:15

He needs to take just any job. He can then keep looking for something more to his tastes. He’s got responsibilities, he needs to meet them.

Original poster

Chocolatebox11 · 04/07/2021 23:18

I do feel that I’ve put the pressure on but indeed it’s also his responsibility to pay rent .

OP posts:

Truthseeker456 · 04/07/2021 23:31

What would you do if he left

ScottishNewbie · 04/07/2021 23:32

I would tell him that if he doesn't have a job in 14 days he needs to move out so that you can sublet.
I'm sorry, but he sounds like he has no urgency and is happy to let you pick up his slack.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 04/07/2021 23:40

@IHaveBrilloHair

You haven't been harsh enough. He needs money, he works in whatever job he can get.

This.

Just stop paying all his bloody bills. If he doesn't get another job to pay his share then he needs to move out and claim UC.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 04/07/2021 23:40

@Truthseeker456

What would you do if he left

She could claim UC as she'd be single.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2021 23:43

Have you got proof of the loan for his credit card/other debts? I really hope so.

What’s he said about paying you back?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 04/07/2021 23:43

@Chocolatebox11

You're not getting your money back. He can be 'a lot' lazy.

Funatlast · 04/07/2021 23:45

You’d be better off financially on your own.

PersonaNonGarter · 04/07/2021 23:46

Honestly you have been too nice - ‘he doesn’t want to take any role’ - um, yeah no one does but he needs to pay rent.

billy1966 · 04/07/2021 23:50

OP,
You haven't been harsh enough.

He needs to move on.
How old are you?

Think good, hard and long about being with a work shy, fussy man, because he won't change.
He will always lean on you to cover his income shortages.

Personally I wouldn't be interested in using my savings to pay for someone who is lazy.

A grand down already, how hard did YOU have to work and save for that.

It's amazing how casual workshy people are about others paying for them.

Is this really what you want for your future?

devuskums · 04/07/2021 23:54

Your mistake was saying I cant 'really' afford to pay...
Stop trying to soften it. You can't afford to pay the rent without his contribution. You dont need to be sorry about it. Its a fact and he needs to find any job to contribute.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/07/2021 23:55

You need to write off the money he owes you and write him off too tbh.

Zebraaa · 05/07/2021 01:13

You’ve posted about this before. I can’t believe you’re still with him! He treats you like shit and acts like he’s above you, that you can work for minimum wage but he can’t, he’s too good for it.
Fuck him off!

billy1966 · 05/07/2021 10:55

@Zebraaa

Now I remember this.

His parents are delighted to be rid of him.
🙄
No surprise there.

And the OP is still being a complete mug.

OP, sounds like you are setting yourself up for a life of being on the absolute breadline giving away £1000.

Good luck🙄with that.🤷🏻‍♀️

Canigooutyet · 05/07/2021 11:02

Unless you have health reasons that prevents you, you take any job that pays the bills.

I don't have respect for people who think they are too good for some jobs. And even less so when those undesirable jobs are fine for other people including those they live with. What if the ideal jobs never comes along? Oh that's right they are your freeloaders.

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