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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FIL bringing old veg as a 'gift' when visiting

71 replies

Susannahmoody · 04/07/2021 17:47

Anyone else's parents /in-laws do this?

He stayed at ours for 2 nights recently and brought some fruit and veg as it would go to waste otherwise. A couple of clementines were edible, but there was some chopped lettuce that was yellow and going bad around the edges, which I threw away when he left

Why bother bringing it?

OP posts:

Paddling654 · 05/07/2021 02:15

Bless.

Original poster

Susannahmoody · 05/07/2021 02:15

I need to watch Motherland, clearly

OP posts:

ThePlantsitter · 05/07/2021 08:19

@DillyDot um, I'm a perfectly competent cook, thanks. And I didn't say I throw the stuff away. My point was that my mum used to hate it when her mum did it, but she does it now anyway.
Eating a delicious cheese and onion pasty that I don't need means either what I've planned goes to waste or I eat both which is also a waste but the waste turns into fat on me rather than going in the bin!

Fizbosshoes · 05/07/2021 08:26

My MIL used to bring tons of food when they came to visit I could never really tell if it was to be helpful, or a bit controlling.
She would being things "that needed using up" but they would be unopened packs of things that would have been fine for a few days in their fridge at home.
Even when I specifically invited them for a meal they would bring their own food. (Not allergy related)

C8H10N4O2 · 05/07/2021 08:39

Its not a gift, its an attempt to reduce waste - you answered your own question.

My parents/in laws did this, so did we, so do my adult children. Any produce in the fridge that isn't already dead goes in a cool box with us. Some of it still ends up as compost but most of it will be used.

My question back would be why would you casually throw away usable food if there was a chance to avoid that waste?

LemonRoses · 05/07/2021 08:47

Ageism is rife again. It’s not an ‘older person’ thing; it’s a not wanting to see things wasted and concern for the environment thing. My experience is that it’s often younger people who try to be ‘greener’.

I’d have to say, I rarely do it and am not particularly good for waste avoidance but my children regularly empty the fridge and freezer when they visit. Their view is that if they leave it here it will definitely be wasted or it won’t be good for us, so they pack a chiller bag with anything unsuitable for us, then take it home to help us. Not usually a part-eaten lettuce though.

Congressdingo · 05/07/2021 08:50

Well I wouldn't take food to another person's house to use, but I do load the contents of my fridge into a cool box and take on holiday (usually Scotland/lakes/Wales cottage. Prefer that to throwing it out so I dont come back to potentially rotten smells.
Am I the only one who gets given leftover party food? Now that's rank. It's been sitting out on a counter for 4 hours with various children poking at it (and asking what is it) and 42 adults breathing near it (pre covid obviously) why would anyone think I might now want to take it home and eat it for thr next three days?

LizJamIsFab · 05/07/2021 08:58

They are bringing it because it will waste otherwise, it’s hard to finish exactly every fruit and veg before going on a trip.
I’m certain they don’t consider them a gift, just necessary to avoid them being inedible.

DragonflyFairy · 05/07/2021 09:09

I understand food not going to waste etc but it does irritate me when people bring random bits we don't usually eat and expect me to then store and do something with them or throw them away myself. It's ok to throw things away on the odd occasion! I would never think to look in my fridge and take things with me to someone's house.
My MIL massively over buys when we go to see her as she's so anxious not to miss anything we might like - it feels like we've stepped into a mini M and S. She then spends every meal time telling me what I have to take with me when we leave and if I say, that's very kind but we don't actually eat that she gets all huffy and tells me it will go to waste. And then asks my husband when she thinks I'm out of ear shot. Maybe just don't buy it all in the first place?!

sadperson16 · 05/07/2021 09:16

"this wants eating" brilliant

to want eating......a reflexsive verb?

GameSetMatch · 05/07/2021 09:16

MY mum gave us a pineapple yesterday apparently she already had one so we were doing her a favour taking it 🙄 (who buys two pineapples at once)

TonkinLenkicks · 05/07/2021 09:20

My mum does this when she visits. Some times a full fridge full of shite that’s out of date. I always re bag it and put in her car when she’s not looking

BackforGood · 05/07/2021 21:50

Just to counter the ageism - two of my dds have come home this week. Both have had to empty their flats. Both have turned up with all their part used food.
I wouldn't expect anything less. Some will keep for months, some was on its 'BBE' but they wouldn't throw away stuff that is edible.

BestZebbie · 05/07/2021 22:05

For a couple of years my MIL used to press a huge amount of food which would otherwise "go to waste" on us - because she always bought an entire aisle of Waitrose to offer to our preschool DS, who only ever ate 1 inch of cucumber, some ice-cream, and a cheese toastie during the four hours we had arranged to visit for lunch. Almost none of the purchasing was ever things he, we or she would choose to eat but we ended up with it all as she had bought it "for us". I am very happy now that he is old enough to be expected to eat the same as everyone else at meals and we are back down to the half an onion and some (very gratefully received) homemade cake.

thriftyhen · 05/07/2021 22:17

Seems sensible to me. Why waste it?

Snog · 06/07/2021 07:59

Surely it's only sensible to try not to waste food?

beardeddragon174 · 06/07/2021 08:00

My family do this and I do too. It wasn’t a gift. It saved them going off in his house.

Popcornbetty · 09/07/2021 14:13

'My MIL massively over buys when we go to see her as she's so anxious not to miss anything we might like - it feels like we've stepped into a mini M and S. She then spends every meal time telling me what I have to take with me when we leave and if I say, that's very kind but we don't actually eat that she gets all huffy and tells me it will go to waste. And then asks my husband when she thinks I'm out of ear shot. Maybe just don't buy it all.'

@DragonflyFairy at the mini M&S reference? that's hilarious! My dm has done this aswell. She will get all of this stuff in me and dh weren't pre aware of. We will be there under the illusion it's 'just a cup of tea' and then the packets start coming out from various cupboards and several variations, some half opened. It is very kind but sometimes we will have already eaten as didn't know! Then the worst part is she will make us take it all home if we haven't managed to eat several packets of biscuits/cake rolls/sandwiches etc! She will say 'oh well what will I do with it and xyz won't eat it!' Then look at dh and say 'dh will eat it won't he you'll eat it won't you dh!' She knows dh doesnt eat this stuff as is on a health kick!

DareIask · 17/07/2021 15:37

Waste not, want not.

May be an out of date slogan but one we should probably go back to.

thriftyhen · 17/07/2021 16:10

@DareIask

Waste not, want not.

May be an out of date slogan but one we should probably go back to.

Well said @DareIask

Bridezillamaybe · 17/07/2021 16:26

My DP does this when we visit my mum. She finds it weird but has gotten used to it now. He was born in a country where people were starving so he absolutely hates waste.

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