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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being too sensitive

16 replies

Jayted · 04/07/2021 15:20

My dad recently died from cancer. Prior to his death his money was discussed between myself and partner. He said he won’t need money where he’s going ( meaning he’s dying soon), that really upset me, also the day after he died ( I had stayed at mums), and come home the next day and my partner was going out to see his mum and dad and I practically had to beg him to stay home and said I would Chuck him out if he went( I just felt so bloody low) and here he was all showered and smelling nice. Am I being too sensitive , by the way, this man I’m with has been on dating sites numerous times throughout the relationship. If I ask him to go though, In a funny way I will miss him but I know he won’t go without a battle( ie, getting police out to get him out etc) and I just don’t feel strong enough for all that. It just plays on my mind though that my life was and still is in bits and he was going out for the day, anyone who takes the time and effort to reply I thank you in advance, it’s much appreciated as I don’t have friends and I can’t talk to anyone else

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/07/2021 15:25

Can your dm and df be there when you throw him out? He isn't a partner in any sense of the word op..

ScottishNewbie · 04/07/2021 15:34

Life is short. Get rid of him.
Your father passing away is so horrible and I'm sending my condolences, but use it as motivation. Life is so short. Don't waste a minute with this man.

interest12 · 04/07/2021 15:35

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Can your dm and df be there when you throw him out? He isn't a partner in any sense of the word op..
She just said her DF passed away. It's literally the first line of the post. No OP, you're not being too sensitive. He sounds very selfish....the dating sites alone should be enough reason to dump him. Sorry to hear about your father. Maybe look to your mum for support
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/07/2021 15:38

I’m so sorry for your loss and all you are going through.

You need to get rid of him. He is a waste of space and you deserve better. It may hurt initially but you’ll be happier in the long run. Flowers

FinallyHere · 04/07/2021 15:43

So sorry for your loss.

I hope you find the strength to get rid of the horrible man who has been on dating sites numerous times throughout the relationship

Hankunamatata · 04/07/2021 16:24

You have found him on dating sites then you are worth more than putting up with him

Mrstamborineman · 04/07/2021 17:30

Bin him

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2021 17:31

You know you need to get rid of him. Don't waste any more time.

TotorosCatBus · 04/07/2021 17:33

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Do you have someone who can be there when he is asked to leave? Men like that will often behave if another man is watching.

billy1966 · 04/07/2021 17:35

Call 101 for support.

Get him out.

He is using you for accommodation?

Sorry for your loss.

Far lonelier to be with someone who is using you and doesn't give a damn about you than be on your own IMO.
Flowers

OldWivesTale · 04/07/2021 17:38

I read a book once written by a palliative care nurse and it was about the biggest regrets dying people have; one of the most common was staying in relationships with crap people. As a PP said, use your dad's death as motivation to live your best life. Start by getting rid of this waste of space, however difficult it might be. Contact Women's Aid for help if necessary.

PotteringAlong · 04/07/2021 17:42

The numerous dating sites throughout the relationship is the reason to throw him out. The fact that he had a shower and went to see his own parents after your dad had died is not. Don’t fixate on the wrong thing, but definitely get rid Flowers

Looubylou · 04/07/2021 18:12

Was he definately going to see his parents? Work on your self confidence first, get counselling if you need to, then get rid of this waste of space. Are you afraid of him? I agree with having someone there when you tell him to go. PP who said it's lonelier to be with someone like this, than single is 100% right. So sorry to hear about your father. 💐

chunkymonkey101 · 04/07/2021 18:40

Flowers I'm sorry for your loss. His behaviour is not what you should expect. When I lost my dad my dh was so supportive and tried his best to be there for me in every way. This is not a stealth boast, just an idea of what your expectations should be from your partner in terms of support. You are worth so much more and your dad would want you to be happy.

dustybluebell · 04/07/2021 18:50

Sorry for your loss OP.
My partner (now husband) still visited his birth family the day my mum went into hospital and subsequently passed away. He wasn't there for me when I needed him. It's taken me 22 years to tell him how upset that made me feel knowing they were more important to him than me and my need, and how I have held a grudge for all these years. Don't be me. Chuck him out.

billy1966 · 04/07/2021 19:24

@dustybluebell

Sorry for your loss OP. My partner (now husband) still visited his birth family the day my mum went into hospital and subsequently passed away. He wasn't there for me when I needed him. It's taken me 22 years to tell him how upset that made me feel knowing they were more important to him than me and my need, and how I have held a grudge for all these years. Don't be me. Chuck him out.
I'm so sorry, how awful to spend 22 years of your life with someone like that. Flowers
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