21 year old DD and alcohol

[HildegardeCrowe]

21 year old DD is home for the summer after having finished uni. She was out drinking until 3am last night, is out again tonight doing same and is going in to London tomorrow to meet a friend for the dreaded bottomless brunch. She started drinking at 14 and I’ve seen her legless more times than I can remember. She’s a lovely girl, is caring and considerate but AIBU to worry about her alcohol consumption? We’ve had many a discussion about this in the past and I thought she was starting to grow out of binge-drinking.

I was the same at 21. I’m not now.

Feels normal to me.

Yer sorry, I was too. Not now.

Well that’s good, I hope it’s just a phase with her too. It wasn’t with me though and I had a serious problem with alcohol but maybe I’m just projecting this on to her.

I was the same until about 24

This is totally normal for a 21 year old, especially for one that's been stuck inside for a year!

I wouldn't worry unless she starts drinking on her own etc

I'd be happy she's out enjoying herself :)

Maybe have a chat with her during the daytime when she is in. I think she is likely to be a social drinker, but just check she knows how to keep safe and that she is with people she can trust.

Uni has a massive drinking culture, or it did when I went. She will resent any attempts to halt her drinking if you now live apart. It is so difficult as a parent.

She’s 21, and has been, like the rest of us, cooped up and away from her friends for such a long time.
I wouldn’t worry about the drinking too much. Tbh, I was the same, if not worse at that age, and I too started drinking:partying at a very young age.
You wouldn’t guess it now, I’m a boring old fart who doesn’t drink at all! 😂

I can understand how you must be feeling and of course you are worried about her but she is a adult as well as your daughter so it’s a touchy subject.
The good thing is that she is living with you at the moment so at least you know where she is.

She's doing what lots of 21 year olds do, and that's OK.

However, given your own history I think you need to have a serious chat with her when you get an opportunity, to make her aware that there's a close family history of a difficult relationship with alcohol.

I was similar at 21, and stopped drinking a few years later.
One of my friends from that time is alcohol dependent now, so IMO YANBU to worry. That doesn't mean, of course, that your daughter will go on to develop alcohol dependence.

Thank you for your replies. I just don’t want history repeating itself (my brother is a recovering alcoholic as well as me having had a problem) but I know that doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t have a healthy relationship with booze.

Most 21 year olds do this tbh.

It's worth having a conversation with her about the relationship with alcohol though and let her know drinking should always be for fun or for a treat, not to cope with problems.

Like others have suggested maybe have a chat with her and try talk about what she feels would be warning signs that her drinking was no longer fun/healthy/ok. It should help reassure you that she has insight into her drinking and for her it can be helpful to articulate red flags with drinking like finding yourself drinking when you had planned not to; prioritizing it over deadlines etc. So long as you approach it calmly there’s not reason why you can’t have a conversation with her about it. I’m sure she is aware, at least passingly, of the family difficulties with drinking so it shouldn’t be too shocking that you might look for some reassurance.

Great advice @Peoniesandpeaches