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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed - aibu?

23 replies

AJB120 · 03/07/2021 21:10

I totally get it’s a big game for England tonight. I’m not a football fan what so ever but my husband is a huge huge fan. He’s been to the pub with the lads to watch the games and he’s there tonight.

Our little boy is currently teething, full of cold and has an ear infection. He won’t settle, he’s crying and whimpering in his sleep. This isn’t him, he normally sleeps all night. I’ve been up a few times and I’m a little worried. It’s absolutely carnage when we try to give him calpol so I’ve only managed to get half into him.

Called my husband at half time for some advice after texting him. He doesn’t seem to be that bothered. I get the footballs massive and it’s huge game don’t get me wrong. I’m not asking him to come home all I wanted was some support or to see if he had any other ideas of settling him. No ideas and said just text when he’s settled, great.

I’m really struggling with my mental health at the moment, I’m so low with anxiety, depression and grief. He knows I’ve had a total shot day today but again I didn’t ask him to stay home with me at any point. I feel so fucking lonely.

AIBU? Please be honest if I need to sort my shit out!!

OP posts:
Jojobees · 03/07/2021 21:23

Call a girl friend and ask her to come over and share the load with your son.

Bridezillamaybe · 03/07/2021 21:26

Sorry but YABU. It doesn't sound like an emergency. You've said yourself you don't expect him to come home. So what exactly are you phoning him for except to interrupt his evening. If he's out let him be out. If you need him home, tell him he's needed at home. But don't be trying to sabotage his evening out. I'd actually be really annoyed in his shoes.

Royalbloo · 03/07/2021 21:34

Men can easily compartmentalise - he's not there, so what can he do? It's not great but that's what it is. They generally don't mean to unless there is something underlying this?

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 21:34

YABVU. You're a parent. You can cope without him for a couple of hours while he watches the match with his friends.

What do you expect him to do other than tell you to give LO some calpol and a cuddle?

ImitationofBeing · 03/07/2021 21:39

I think if you were feeling fine this wouldn't be an issue and you'd cope. But you aren't and it makes it really tough for you.

Can you get yourself and your boy into bed and cuddle until your DP returns?

Has the ear infection been checked out?

Panaesthesia · 03/07/2021 21:42

He's out. If you'd gone out and were enjoying yourself, you wouldn't appreciate pointless texts like 'the child won't take calpol' or 'i think his ear hurts.' All that does is lay on the guilt to the poor sod who's gone out, ruining their evening.

Original poster
AJB120 · 03/07/2021 21:49

Thanks everyone I clearly need to sort my shit out

I didn’t intend to sabotage his night at all I just needed a little bit of support. I’m incredibly vulnerable at the moment and not okay.

Thanks again for your honesty

OP posts:
nattynoonoo821 · 03/07/2021 21:53

In the gentlest possible terms, tell him you are not ok. Next time say please don't go the pub I know this is important to you but I'm not OK. Yanbu to be struggling but you to expect him to be a mind reader/take the hint

UrgentExit · 03/07/2021 21:53

@AJB120 you sound absolutely worn out and I'm not surprised at all. A cold, teething and earache are all nightmare scenarios let alone all three.

I'd try and persevere with Calpol, not sure how you're administering it or why he doesn't want to take it? would he take it from a spoon or suck your finger?

I'd try cuddling him keeping him upright against you with something to hold on to if he likes a blanket or special toy and a warm lavender bag or something similar to offer a bit of comfort to the ear (alternative is a cold compress)

tootiredtospeak · 03/07/2021 21:56

Listen he is out now and they have had a big win so he will be elated and so happy. You have managed so let him have this but tommorow you need to tell him how your feeling and how you need some reassurance and help and maybe a break. Why not take a break in the morning let him deal and take a walk or go for a swim or to the shops and sit and have a coffee by yourself. You are important too.

Notajogger · 03/07/2021 21:57

If he has started on solids, could you try mixing the calpol with yoghurt? That was the only way we could get calpol into DD until about 18 months when you could reason with her a bit!!

DysmalRadius · 03/07/2021 21:59

It's ok to not be OK and to tell your husband if you need him home. You wouldn't struggle on if you thought you'd broken your ankle, so treat this the same - a situation that needs attention that you cannot deal with by yourself. If you need him, tell him straight. Do look after yourself and ask for whatever you think you need - you don't have to do it alone.

Sally872 · 03/07/2021 22:02

Have you tried the calpol syringe? Put it at side of check and should trickle down throat.

Sounds like a rough time. But I think unless you can't cope and need him home just keep going. Hope dc gets to sleep soon. Flowers

NickiC85 · 03/07/2021 22:03

When your MH is poor, things that you would cope with with ease under normal circumstances suddenly become huge mountains to climb that feel impossible. You're obviously feeling low and lonely - in no way is it unreasonable to want support from your partner in that. As a PP said, men compartmentalise - he's out, he's focused on the football. They can do that much more than women, try not to take it personally. Keep trying with the calpol, it helps so much to make them more comfortable and bring temp down.

But no, no matter what the mumsnet martyrs who will tell you they coped in way worse circumstances than you, you are not unreasonable for wanting moral support when your MH is crap and you have a poorly child.

LittleOwl153 · 03/07/2021 22:03

I'm assuming if he has an ear infection he has antibiotics. Have you managed to get that in him?

If you can get some ambesol liquid (not gel) from a pharmacy. That is fab for teething. Persevere with the calpol if you can, try dribbling it into the side of his mouth - or as someone else said on your finger.

A sick little one is tough. The match is over now so hopefully your dh won't leave it too long to come home.

Bluntness100 · 03/07/2021 22:05

Op have you spoken to your doctor about your mental health to get some help? 💐

BrilliantBetty · 03/07/2021 22:09

I’m incredibly vulnerable at the moment and not okay.

If you are in a really bad way he shouldn't have gone out socialising and left you to cope with this alone.

I think you have to be honest in how you are.. are you mentally unwell and bordering on the edge of not being able to care for your child right now? Or are you ok enough but feeling low and could use an evening off yourself. It's different.

Fightingfirewithfire · 03/07/2021 22:18

You are not being unreasonable

I'm going through the same, except my husband is playing computer games...

DD hates calpol, neurophen, cherry flavoured paracetamol, apple cough medicine. The lot.

Temp is 38.5 but she clamps her mouth shut when I try to give her any of this. She's been clingy all day and frankly like you I'm fed up. We all need sleep and for the other parent to be there as moral support or take over for a bit, not be too busy down the pub or playing computer games.

Teething has a lot to bloddy answer for

Kanaloa · 03/07/2021 22:19

Does your husband know things are this bad for you at the moment? I always feel the best thing is to be super open ‘I’m not coping at the moment and need extra support’ or something similar. Otherwise he really may not know.

Sorry, this sounds rubbish for you. Hopefully your little boy is well soon.

Original poster
AJB120 · 03/07/2021 22:20

Thanks again everyone

Little one is settled. I overreacted and I have apologised to him for calling/texting him.

I’m safe to look after our son, I’ve got medication for depression and anxiety. Sometimes things that are small seem like mountains to me. I become overwhelmed and my brain wants to explode. I sometimes just need some reassurance. My little one has antibiotics for his ear infection and other things for his other issues too.

Thanks again for your replies and tips

My head is totally and utterly fogged tonight. I feel so numb but it’ll pass I know that. It’s happening much more frequently lately

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/07/2021 22:28

Call your GP first thing Monday and be honest about how much you’re struggling. Maybe they cash review your meds. Sorry you’re having such a hard time Flowers

I’m glad your son is settled now. If he’s up again before your husband is back you could get him in bed with you so you can keep an eye on him and get yourself some rest.

How old is he?

Are you able to relax a bit now?

Things may feel a bit brighter in the morning.

More Flowers again for now.

Rosebel · 03/07/2021 22:28

I don't think YABU. My son has been violently sick today and has a possible chest infection so it's been a very rough day and (so far) a rough night.
My husband watched the football at home as he knew I was stressed and worried. I'd be pissed off if he'd gone to the pub.
Really he should have stayed home or at least come home at half time. Why is watching the football more important than supporting you and caring for his ill child? He doesn't sound supportive and could have at least given you some support, especially as you weren't interrupting the football as it was half time.

Sally872 · 03/07/2021 22:28

A baby being upset and uncomfortable is very stressful and overwhelming for anyone. I imagine that is a lot worse when you are also struggling with MH.

Glad things have calmed. Hope you can rest too.

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