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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Theatre ticket paying conondrum

28 replies

wobblywinelover · 03/07/2021 19:47

My parents spotted a theatre show which would benefit my son (who has special needs) as he is due to study it for his GCSE's and suggested we book it. Good call. It's in half term when I have to send my son to the other grandparents for childcare as it's the only time I can tell work i'm available for shifts. They live just over an hour away. My son doesn't want to go with just them (he thinks they can be a bit mean at times) he wants to go but only if I come with him.

After a bit of discussion it we decided on a date to book and that i'll just have to arrange work around it. My mum has just booked the tickets telling me it's £33.00 for the adult tickets, £16 for a child with special needs, and £16 for the carer of the child. They have offered to pay for my son which is great, but when I asked them how much I would owe them for my ticket they said they would need to think about it. In the heat of the moment I said i'd rather just pay £33 for my ticket rather than nit picking over prices (as i'm not tight with money and I know they can be a bit controlling over money issues and thought they can't argue with that as they can't use it against me). My mum snapped my hand off and agreed straight away without having to think about it.

But thinking about it afterwards I'm just wondering if i've done the right thing? If i'd taken my son on my own it would have cost me a pound less. (which isn't a big deal) but now I feel they are using my son's concession rate and technically profiting from it. Why was it so hard for them to say to me that I should only owe them £16 as i'm my son's main carer. I hope i've explained this properly but something doesn't sit right with me about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Neondisco · 03/07/2021 19:53

Yabu to nit pick over a pound. Especially as they highlighted the show to you. But I wonder if there's a bigger backstory than them just being a bit controlling with money?

Perhaps you've picked up their controlling habits? Or do you feel they get to act like they've done you a really good deed by paying for ds when actually if you'd paid the chil9rate and carer's concession it would have been the same?

Either way I think in a family with a healthy relationship with money this wouldn't be an issue. So it definitely highlights some dysfunction.

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 03/07/2021 19:55

It sounds like this is something that are going to for his sake, not for theirs. Honestly, it also sounds like they are paying twice as much as you. One full price and two half price tickets. Which is roughly what they'd pay if they were going themselves.

I think the split seems either fair (if they would have gone anyway) or less fair on them (paying out over £60 for your and your son's benefit)

MatildaTheCat · 03/07/2021 19:56

I have a disability and sometimes use the carers rate for my friend when we go somewhere. If there’s two of us we split the total two ways, three of us three ways etc.

If I was your mum I’d have paid the lot as a treat but as it is I think you are R for feeling a bit meh.

SecretKeeper1 · 03/07/2021 19:57

So you’ve paid £33 and they’ve paid £65?
But if you’d paid £16 they’d have paid £82, which seems a bit uneven considering there are two from each household. Tricky one, but if your son hasn’t asked you to go they would have paid £65 for the three of them, so I think it’s be unfair for them to pay any more. I think.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 03/07/2021 20:00

I think as their plan was to take you’re son they should pay what that would have cost them. So you should pay £33 for your ticket.

MichelleScarn · 03/07/2021 20:07

It's in half term when I have to send my son to the other grandparents for childcare as it's the only time I can tell work i'm available for shifts

So one son goes away for all of half term to stay with grandparents and you keep the other at home?

MichelleScarn · 03/07/2021 20:21

Sorry that reads so rude! Will he not be upset you're all going out while he's away?

Livingintheclouds · 03/07/2021 20:30

I just can't get over the fact your parents expect you to pay at all. I pay for any kids I take out - including my 32 year old step son and wife. Especially as they suggested it, or is it your in laws? I'm confused as to who is actually going to the show now. If it's your parents, I think they should pay. If you suggested it to your in laws, who are looking after your son, then you should pay for everyone, but you say your mum, hence the confusion
.

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 03/07/2021 20:41

If it's your parents, I think they should pay. If you suggested it to your in laws, who are looking after your son, then you should pay for everyone

I don't understand how that makes sense. One set of grandparents should pay everything, the other nothing, even though their relationship to the cold is the same?

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 03/07/2021 20:42

Child*

Gemma2019 · 03/07/2021 20:50

They were planning to take your son without you and would have paid £33 + £16 + £16. You coming means it will cost an extra £33 which you should pay, otherwise it will cost them more than they planned.

Original poster
wobblywinelover · 03/07/2021 21:00

Sorry for the confusion. My son normally goes away for most of half terms to the ex in law grandparents who live an hour away (not my parents who are paying for the tickets). I think what it is i'm most annoyed about is that they said they would pay for him but they easily recindered not paying for him by me agreeing to pay £33 for my ticket (which means i'm technically paying for my son now too). Well no worries i'll just pay it, It was just the moral issue and the sort of future faking thing I was annoyed about if I sit and really think about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
wobblywinelover · 03/07/2021 21:02

It's just my parents, my son and Me (My son doesn't want to go without me and he doesn't feel right with my grandparents on his own - he thinks my mum talks to him too condescendingly and I agree with him, so i'm going to make sure he enjoys it). sorry if this is a bit of a drip feed

OP posts:
SandyCane · 03/07/2021 21:05

Following your most recent update I have no idea why you just aren't taking your son on your own?!

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 03/07/2021 21:11

I think what it is i'm most annoyed about is that they said they would pay for him but they easily recindered not paying for him by me agreeing to pay £33 for my ticket

Well, if you didn't want to pay it, maybe you shouldn't have volunteered to 🤷

CastawayQueen · 03/07/2021 21:19

Ok so what I see is this:

  • Both your parents on their own would be 33 + 33 = 66
  • Your parents + GC would be 33 + 16 + 16 = 65

With you coming it’s an additional £33.
You’re saying that they wanted to take your son to save only £1?

I sort of agree with you - if they REALLY wanted to give home a treat and he refused to go without you then they should pay the full adult price. As you and your son are a package.

Cancel the tickets, get a refund and go on your own with your son if they have a history of manipulation.

You’re sort of in the wrong you didn’t offer to pay but seems like a heat of the moment annoyance again if they have a history

CastawayQueen · 03/07/2021 21:20

*did offer not didng

Ledgeofglory · 03/07/2021 21:25

Your mum said she’d need to think about it, you didn’t want to nit pick over the price so offered to pay your full price but now you’re not picking over it.
Just message your mum and say you only want to a pay the £16 for the carers ticket

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 03/07/2021 21:39

They offered to take your son to a play for his benefit. Possibly a play they wouldn't have been interested in going to. But, weighing up the costs, including the discount, they considered it doable. Then you have to go too. You could have told them, in that case, they don't need to go. Then the two of you could have got the discount. But you didn't. So you need a full price seat. They're still paying for your son. As agreed.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 03/07/2021 21:42

It's not really fair to stiff them for extra costs.

Mrgrinch · 03/07/2021 21:47

Why volunteer to pay it just to moan about it afterwards?

BitterTits · 03/07/2021 21:51

I don't think it's just your parents who are a bit controlling over money issues! It's odd that this would be significant enough to post on MN.

Original poster
wobblywinelover · 03/07/2021 22:10

Okay okay no need to tell me off. I'm paying the £33 and won't mention a word to them. Just wondering what your thoughts were that's all, sorry for asking! Sorry for posting

OP posts:
Original poster
wobblywinelover · 03/07/2021 22:11

Thanks for all the thoughts though and taking time to post

OP posts:
GiantWingedWaspMoth · 03/07/2021 22:15

It's odd that this would be significant enough to post on MN

I didn't realise there was a certain threshold on the significance scale that threads should reach before being worthy of posting...

Part of the joy of mumsnet is the mix of threads, from the totally inconsequential threads, to the potentially life changing via those about parking.