AIBU by always beating myself up?

[Bex268]

YABU - it’ll all sort itself out
YANBU - you’re doing a pretty poor job

Please bear with me.

I have a 16 month old toddler and he’s always been difficult to feed, both milk and food.

At about 10 months I finally had him eating food off the high chair, trying new things and doing the beat he’d ever done. It was a revelation and had took some so long to get to this point.

At 13 months he had his MMR and my mum died unexpectedly. Everything went downhill and it’s never picked itself up again. The MMR and starting nursery had him ill all of the time, so ill he was refusing food. Always a cold, a fever, an ear infection, always something…

So, I resorted to putting him in front of the tv to eat and this went on for a few months.

I’ve tried to get him back to eating at the table but we’ve went so far backwards I’m constantly stressed at meal times and heating myself up. Without tv, he won’t eat a thing. Now he won’t even touch his food. It’s all spoon fed. Every meal.

My friends babies eat so well and mine doesn’t. I struggle every day. My husband works away and now it’s just us and I’ve let him down massively. I’m constantly cursing at myself for allowing this to happen.

Please help me. Any advice or commiserations would be so greatly appreciated.

You need to be much kinder to yourself.

Truly none of this matters. Please don't let meal times become a battle ground. TV dinners is fine esp if it's just the 2 of you.

Let him crack on. They are very efficient little machines and will thrive In surprisingly little as toddlers. He will not starve himself.

*on

Thank you. Do you really think it’s okay? I’m ashamed to admit I’ve let it get this far to any friend. I fear the judgement. And the judgement I give myself is way worse than what anyone else could say so maybe I shouldn’t have anything to fear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes. I really do. Fuck what other people's babies do. Your baby needs a relaxed home environment and a happy mummy.

Try to remember that they all grow to be adults who walk, talk, toilet & feed & dress themselves. And they are all unique little individuals on different paths.

Okay. Probably sounds a bit stupid but thank you for that - it actually made me feel a lot better and a lot less alone. Even just one person saying it’s okay. Thanks.

👍💐

I am not going to say you are unreasonable, you are naturally concerned but, honestly, it will sort itself. Your child is still a baby. Many older than him don't 'eat nicely'. He'll be fine.

I wanted everything to be perfect with mine. Life's not like that. When they were very small I had 2 bouts of leukaemia. The TV was on ALL the time. They had lots of fish fingers. I felt very guilty for not having much energy but when I look back now we had lovely afternoon sofa cuddles and they had a very happy childhood. They are now very bright, capable, independent teenagers.
Try to enjoy his young years. You want the best for him, which makes you an amazing mummy.

My older son was fussy as a baby, not ‘eating nicely’. He’s still a very picky eater age 11, now in secondary school, but hey, he gets enough fruit and veg down him to get his vitamins, he does well at school, has a nice bunch of friends and I no longer worry that his fussy eating is a result of my bad parenting (his younger brother eats EVERYTHING). When you’ve got a baby you do feel like you get judged against ‘do they sleep well?’ ‘do they eat well?’, but in a couple of years it’s all a distant memory as you get other things to worry about!

Thank you all 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I don’t think anything can prepare you for how parenting is in terms of worrying about EVERYTHING! Feeding has been my biggest stress from the very start.

In all honesty, I’ll still go to bed worrying about it tonight, worrying I should be doing everything I can to get him to eat well at the table but it does help to hear some kind words from you all.

I will keep trying bits at the table and I really hope we get there.