To wonder if I am wrong?

[Springtime888]

To not particularly care for my nanny?
I've had a few and felt the same about them all. That they are there to do a job and of course the respect is important but I know they could leave at anytime and so have never cared for them as people much. Yet a lot of people I know who nannies totally adore them. Say they are part of the family, that they really care about them and that they have a special bond etc,
Aibu to say my method isn't wrong, just different?

It’s probably why you’ve had a few

You don't have to care for your nanny but it's important that your children do and that there aren't too many changes in caregivers.

You've "never cared for them as people much."

Speaks volumes.

@DroopyClematis

You've "never cared for them as people much."

Speaks volumes.

This! You don’t need to treat them as the sister you never knew you had, but you do need to show them some care and friendship.

They are looking after your children in your home. If they don’t feel welcome it is no wonder that they will leave to go and work for a family who show an interest in them as a person

Today 23:12 DroopyClematis

You've "never cared for them as people much."

Speaks volumes.

What Droopy says
(my wisteria droops, feel your pain)

We love ours. She’s become a really good family friend and adores our child. She’s so respectful of our relationship and I trust her implicitly.
Why don’t you care for them as people? How often do you change them?

She’s looking after your bloody children, you should care for her!

I’m a nanny and being totally honest, my boss drives me up the wall and is totally not someone I’d choose to spend time with outside of a professional capacity. She probably thinks the same as me. Differing political views etc, and she’s the most stressy person I know. But there’s a mutual respect and politeness and she appreciates that I’m bloody good at my job. I’ve been there three and a half years so must be doing something right.

Mine was absolutely lovely and I loved her. They are your proxy when you're not there. If you don't feel warm towards them, I think that's odd.

I don't have a nanny. But if I did, I would value her looking after my children well so much.

@WildWestWanda

It’s probably why you’ve had a few

👏🏾👏🏾

This is a transactional relationship. Based on money. Weird. Find someone you love.

I've always adored the people who I've paid to look after my kids. They're the most precious thing in my life - why wouldn't you nurture this relationship you have with them?

I suppose most people would feel warmth towards those they trust enough to look after their children. And if they do a good job and make your kids happy, it makes sense that some sort of bond would form in many cases.

@RedHelenB

You don't have to care for your nanny but it's important that your children do and that there aren't too many changes in caregivers.

Yes I think so.

I never employed a nanny as such but know people who have who were very fond of their children's nanny; one had a baby and after a while, came back to work bringing her baby with her. The children were delighted to have her back and so were the parents. Another had a nanny/secretary who was with her for about ten years, maybe more. She only left because she met THE man. She was certainly part of the family.

A friend's daughter was a nanny. She worked for a lovely couple for quite a long time and when she married and had a child, came back to work with her child. She only left when she had her second and is still very good friends with the family.

Op, you don't have to exactly love your children's nanny but do have to care about them. Good employers do care about their staff whatever they do but a nanny has a more intimate relationship with a family.

I don't know if you're wrong, but you don't sound very nice.

I think it's odd to have someone in your home, looking after your children often for more hours than you look after them and not feel any warmth towards them.

I agree that that's probably why they don't stay.

Nobody I didn’t actively like would have a role in caring for my child. DC nanny is v important to me, I definitely have her back and she’s part of the community and actively our friend. She is fantastic with DC who adore their time with her and she’s extremely loyal (eg she’s stayed despite moving). Our first nanny left because her acting work took off and we’re still in touch eg invite to her wedding and meet up occasionally. I don’t get how it can work another way. It is a personal relationship.