Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moaning husband

28 replies

TTCbaby · 03/07/2021 15:40

Hiya. Fairly new poster here. I just want to know if being unreasonable or not? I’m a stay at home mum to a 2 year old (entering part time work within the next month or so). He isn’t a great sleeper and very lively and full on (as a lot of toddlers are) Hes not talking at all yet and is really struggling to communicate so gets very frustrated very quickly so he needs an extra bit of care at the moment. Anyway what I’m Getting at here is DH thinks I just at home all day watching tv and chilling. He doesn’t seem to realise like a lot of other SAHM I do all the cooking, cleaning, night wakings with DS, and many other bits and pieces. He is a scaffolder but by his own admission sits in the van most of the day while his laborours work and he watches films. He just gets out to check their work and he gets taken to and from work and is normally in by 3pm. He lives on energy drinks and addicted to watching films and gaming. Baring in mind he’s 38 years old you’d think he’d have a bit more about him by now. He smokes heavily and just generally doesn't look after himself. I’m getting progressively more annoyed by him by the day. He doesn’t stop moaning about how tired he is even though he has a solid 8 hours minimum each night and barley does any work at work, always complaining about either head ache or back ache or both, and if I’m
Poorly he has has to be worse. Even during child labour he wouldn’t leave off about his aches and pains. If he doesn’t want to do something he will stage some slip or fall or some sort of incident so he doesn’t have to do it. He’s never done a night waking with our baby. I’m just at the end of my tether now. He says I can’t moan about him moaning or if I complain on the odd occasion I’m tired or poorly I just get told “well I work all day what do you do?” I left him the other day with DS for 3 hours and I had 4 very stressed phone calls in that time. To return home to learn he had palmed him off on my mum and he was playing ps5. So he now knows it’s not as easy as he thinks. He couldn’t even manage a few hours. Am I bring over the top or are my feelings justified?

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 03/07/2021 16:04

What is he bringing to your life that is positive?

Polly271220 · 03/07/2021 16:07

And the point of him is.......

DinosaurDiana · 03/07/2021 16:07

Get yourself a job that pays enough to keep you and the little one, then get divorced.

Heartofglass12345 · 03/07/2021 16:27

I'm wondering why you had a baby with him to be honest. You do realise he should be doing cleaning, washing etc too? You're a stay at home mum, not a housemaid.

Did he do any of these things before? Or has he just stopped because you're at home all day and he thinks you should be doing it all?

pinkyredrose · 03/07/2021 16:30

Was he like this before DC?

Iamthewombat · 03/07/2021 16:33

You’ve married a petulant child. Is there any prospec5 of him waking his ideas up, do you think?

Iamthewombat · 03/07/2021 16:38

He doesn’t stop moaning about how tired he is

if I’m Poorly he has has to be worse.

Even during child labour he wouldn’t leave off about his aches and pains.

If he doesn’t want to do something he will stage some slip or fall or some sort of incident so he doesn’t have to do it

Christ. The thing I don’t get about these people who constantly whine about being tired is, what do they expect you to say in response? “Oh dear”?

Same with whinging about aches. So bloody what? Unless they want you to call an ambulance immediately, what’s the point of telling you?

He needs to grow up. Did his mother spoil him?

Couchbettato · 03/07/2021 16:52

I don't think I could live with this man.

Find a way to move out OP. I can assure you he won't go for any kind of custody. He can barely manage a few hours.

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 17:10

Leave him in charge for a couple of days -as long as you know your child is safe with him of course. He will learn.

ScottishNewbie · 03/07/2021 17:17

He sounds vile. What does he bring to the relationship other than his wage?
LTB and claim child maintenance.
Being a mum, especially to a toddler, is very hard work. What a dick.

Babygotblueyes · 03/07/2021 17:31

He sounds like a wanker. He knows how hard it is because he could not even manage a few hours.

chunkymonkey101 · 03/07/2021 17:37

My ex husband was like this. Note the ex.

MadMadMadamMim · 03/07/2021 17:39

Well neither of you sound like you like the other one much. What is it you get from this relationship? It doesn't sound much fun to me.

I think I'd be looking at divorce, if I were you. At 38 he won't suddenly change.

Wellonlyifihaveto · 03/07/2021 17:40

It won’t get better op, believe me.

Wearywithteens · 03/07/2021 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

yourestandingonmyneck · 03/07/2021 17:49

@Wearywithteens

I can pretty much guess that this energy drink chugging, film and gaming addict has always been like this. He sounds 15 not 38. What made you think he’d change and become father of the year? He sounds an utter dick and a liability.

If I’d have come back after 4 hours and found him gaming while his mother was looking after the child after his ‘frantic’ calls - I’d have torn an absolute strip off him. In front of his mother too. By pandering to him, she is not helping.

You need to tell him to shape up or ship out. If you don’t, this is just going to get worse and you’ll be more resentful and miserable. Don’t waste years of your life on this loser. This child needs two engaged parents. If not, you’d be better doing it on your own without his needy and immaturity.

It's worse than that. It was the OP's mum he had palmed him off onto.
yourestandingonmyneck · 03/07/2021 17:49

...but yes, I agree with previous posters, get rid. You don't need to be looking after another child / petulant teenager.

WantingToWonder · 03/07/2021 17:50

I couldn't be with a man like this. Utterly awful role model for your child.

Get rid.

accentdusoleil · 03/07/2021 17:50

What do you like about him ?

Shoxfordian · 03/07/2021 17:56

Does he contribute anything other than money?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2021 17:57

Sounds like a twat.

Why are you with him?

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 18:00

Pack him off to his mummy's

Wearywithteens · 03/07/2021 18:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MotionActivatedDog · 03/07/2021 18:05

He sounds sooooo attractive- I can see why you wanted to reproduce this fine specimen of a man.

RaginaFalangi · 03/07/2021 18:07

Get rid, it will get worse

Swipe left for the next trending thread