Soooo, last night I went round to PIL to drop off some supplies for surprise party I'm throwing for my DP (left supplies at theirs, as don't want to risk DP finding them). MIL pulls me into the sitting room and starts asking me about the plans for the party, I told her what my plans were and she immediately starts finding issues with EVERYTHING that I say. It got to the point where FIL had to step in and tell her to stop, which she didn't.
She has a habit of doing this, she will never point out anything nice or give praise, but will be very quick to point out where you went wrong, it's truly exhausting.
I then explain that I want to give him the cake I'm getting him on his actual birthday, after she said that she wanted to give him hers on his birthday. FIL agreed that he should have mine on his birthday, as it's a personalised one and the reason for him having mine on the day of his birthday, is because there will only be 6 of us to eat it, whereas there will be 14 at the party, therefore a bigger cake is needed and it's more expensive, which I honestly can't afford. MIL kept arguing, I felt very uncomfortable but stood my ground.
She then starts dictating terms on food and what food to get etc. I don't mind her having a say, but this party was my idea and I'm organising it, therefore I'm a little uncomfortable with her telling me what to do and trying to take over, rather than making suggestions and helping me rather than stressing me.
In fairness to her, she did offer to buy the food which was incredibly generous and much appreciated, but I just felt like nibbles were more appropriate at the party, rather than a big takeaway, therefore I suggested that she buy a takeaway on his actual birthday, which will be cheaper in fairness.
It got resolved in the end and everything was fine. However, I just know that she's going to ask more questions at some point and this will happen all over again. Is there a polite way to tell her that she can certainly have some say, but it's not fair to basically shit all over my plans for the party, and then suggest the opposite of everything I'm saying?
For the record, she is lovely, she just has control issues and definitely is hyper critical of those around her which really gets to me, and I know it gets to her children too as they've told me.