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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Me single and friend in relationship?

45 replies

iamnotthemaincharacter · 03/07/2021 12:34

There’s many examples of where she’s rubbed her relationship in my face. She clearly has a lot of pity for me that I am single. I never complain about being single.

Just this one instance on its own - would it bother anyone else.

Her and me on FaceTime and her partner walks into the room

Him - would you like a drink?
Her - no I’m good thank you
Him - ok, I love you
Her - I love you too

Stare dreamily at each other for a few seconds

I’m sat there staring like an awkward gooseberry.

OP posts:

SnarkyBag · 03/07/2021 13:10

Have never seen the assumption on here that all single women are bitter and jealous. Plenty of miserable married people on here too you know! You assume a lot about what you think others are thinking. There’s a good chance they’re not thinking about you at all during their admittedly nauseating exchange.

We see the world as we are not as it is. Maybe a bit of self reflection rather than projection is in order OP.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/07/2021 13:10

Why do you assume they are in a good relationship? She got so angry with him last week she did an emergency stop in the car when he had no seatbelt on. Not really a relationship I aspire to be in.

Christ on a bike - everybody argues sometimes. Doesn't make it a bad relationship! I also suspect this is at least a slight exaggeration.

Also if a good relationship constitutes asking someone if they want a drink then wow the bar is low for a lot of you

Is it the only thing he ever does? I'd bet my ass it isn't. Very odd comment from you.

Doyouknowtheway · 03/07/2021 13:13

OP why do you need to tell us she's not in a good relationship? You do sound jealous, and I feel sorry for you as I'm the only single person in my circle, it's hard but I don't expect my friends to pretend to have loveless lives and hide the ups and downs that may come with it.

Original poster

iamnotthemaincharacter · 03/07/2021 13:19

@RealBecca

I suggest youre single because you say things like "wow the bar is low for a lot of you" just because people have said something you dont like when ypu asked for their opinions. And youre on a forum bitching about your friend, something most people agree is your problem. Wjy are you being mean? Are you unhappy?

I’m single because I left a physically abusive relationship. Then 3 months later I was in treatment for a 2 years in hospital. So not much time to date for this evil bitter witch I’m afraid.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 13:24

She hasn't rubbed anything in your face and you sound like a shitty friend bitching about someone on a forum because they've dared to be affectionate in your earshot...

Frownette · 03/07/2021 13:27

@iamnotthemaincharacter from the little you said it sounds like she loves you. Try to let it go and I hope things get better

Sally872 · 03/07/2021 13:28

If my dh said "I love you" while I was on the phone to friend I would be annoyed at the interruption. He would gesture would I like a drink and I would nod yes or no. So rude to interrupt and have a conversation while talking to someone else.

Not sure who is putting on the show or why. Both a pair of weirdos.

Halo1234 · 03/07/2021 13:29

I think that's a bit ott imo.
If I was on the phone to a friend and my husband started trying to interrupt to say he loved me I would be a bit wtf. Fair enough ask do u want a drink and then a quick no thanks but no need to declare love for each other. That seems a bit like it was done for your benefit.

rantymcrantface66 · 03/07/2021 13:32

And I know it’s the assumption on Mumsnet that every single woman is bitter and jealous but I’m not. Sure one would be nice, but not one for the sake of feeling superior.

Not really as I'm single and perfectly happy. You honestly think she's only in a relationship to feel superior over you?

I’m single because I left a physically abusive relationship. Then 3 months later I was in treatment for a 2 years in hospital. So not much time to date for this evil bitter witch I’m afraid.

This does go some way to explain why seeing a functional relationship is upsetting for you. So what if they argued last week everyone argues.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/07/2021 13:37

Ah ok. Well they're pretending to be in a good relationship then, they very obviosuly want to keep their shit relationship a secret. Its obvious. Call them out. Its logic.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/07/2021 13:41

@iamnotthemaincharacter

Obviously I have no idea what their relationship is like: maybe its dreadful. But your post hadn't indicated that. Your post suggested that she had some sort of responsibility to modify the way she interacts with her boyfriend to cater for your hang-ups. I'm saying this is your problem, not hers.

If the relationship is awful that's an entirely separate point but her telling her bf she loves in him front of you is by the by.

GrumpyTerrier · 03/07/2021 13:46

Lovey dovey couples are annoying. Some like putting on the show for others. Some are just like that.

yanbu for finding it annoying. But it might not be to specifically get at you. They might just be like that.

Also tbh even if you were a bit bitter about it,what's wrong with that? If things haven't gone well for you and your friend was in the same boat, now she isn't, seems normal to me that you might feel a bit fed up about it. Not only have you lost your support to an extent, you have a constant reminder of things. Who would be happy about that? It's not like you're having a go at her or anything. Just feeling some type of way doesn't mean you're an evil witch. Or a bad friend.

Pinot4evs · 03/07/2021 14:10

Your friend did nothing wrong. You sound bitter and jealous. Not every loving act is a personal attack on your singlessness 🙄

CounsellorTroi · 03/07/2021 14:15

I don't think it was aimed at you personally but my DH and I wouldn't say it in front of our friends. They just take it as read that we do love each other!

YouShouldLeave · 03/07/2021 14:17

YANBU

ALSO agree with GrumpyTerrier ’s post.

LuaDipa · 03/07/2021 15:23

Also if a good relationship constitutes asking someone if they want a drink then wow the bar is low for a lot of you.

In fairness op, you’re the one that made this the issue. I wouldn’t have thought twice about any of this exchange.

claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:29

And I know it’s the assumption on Mumsnet that every single woman is bitter and jealous but I’m not

You should probably stop doing such a good impression of bitter and jealous then.

AnathemaPulsifer · 03/07/2021 15:50

How did she rub her relationship in your face? HE came in and offered her a drink, HE initiated the ‘I love you’ exchange. She just responded to him.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 04/07/2021 03:15

OP, you just saw a really brief, normal interaction between a couple over FaceTime. Most people would barely register it yet it has got to you, and you put it in the category of 'rubbing your face in her relationship.' That is a very unusual viewpoint. If you are not jealous, you are doing a good impression of a jealous person.

if you begrudge your friend this relationship or can't be around them then it is time to step back maybe.

QueenBee52 · 04/07/2021 03:31

Sounds like a pair of twats...

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