To feel guilty for not inviting people to DC birthday celebrations

[Penguin81]

My DC is going to be 15 shortly. she has had a sleepover for the last few years with 4 other girls, one of which goes to her school (the rest are from primary school), and we would meet up now and again
Last year didnt happen due to lockdown, and others birthdays have been earlier in the year when there were restrictions, however they all met for late birthday celebrations. The families of the other girls have always made an effort to include my DC.
My DCs birthday is coming up, and she wants to go out for the day abd have a sleepover with only the girl that she is at school with, and meet the others at another time.
I get that it us her birthday and her decision, but I'm feeling really guilty about this, and my DP feels the same.
it's really tricky, and I'll feel very guilty if the others find out we have fine something without them, I know I have to respect my DD wishes though.
AIBU to feel like this?

Hopeful bump!

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. She's 15. Maybe she's growing apart from the other girls?

She's not just excluding one of them, she's just not having a party this year.

I don’t see the issue?

If she’s meeting them at another time then she is doing something with them for her birthday? Just because it’s not a sleepover doesn’t mean anything.

Why not just ask her what activity she does want to do with them and arrange it?

Tbh at 15 they don't really have group sleepovers, mine stopped at around 11/12 years. They are more wanting a day out. I'd see what she wants to do and just go with that. If she wants a day out they could all go and then have the one friend stay a different night, just so as they're not running home and leaving the others.

You could use the covid excuse - there's no great risk her having the one at her school for a sleepover, as if one of them gets it the other probably will anyway. However sharing a small room all night with kids she doesn't see normally will increase risk, and so doing something outdoors during the day would be more sense.

She’s plenty old enough to decide how she wants to celebrate her own birthday.

You and DP can arrange to see who you like when you like. It’s not tricky for them to know DD did what she wanted.

It sounds a bit like you’re making her birthday about you when it’s not.

She's 15 I don't really understand what the issue is.

She's 15 - let her do what she wants and stay out of it. Can't believe that parents are getting involved in birthdays at this age (other than in a proving money/food/drink/lifts if needed kind of way).

YABU she is 15 and its her birthday, it's really not up to you.

thank you for the perspective..I am.a total people pleaser and feel awkward far too easily!
I'm glad I am unreasonable to feel guilty about this, I need to be less involved!

I don’t think you are unreasonable to feel what you feel, it shows consideration for others and a desire to be inclusive. But I think it can be sensitively arranged so that your DD sees the one friend for the birthday and the others another time.

I wouldn't make up any excuse about covid, that's bound to be seen for what it is, an excuse.

She's 15 and wants to have a sleepover on her birthday with just one (presumably closer) friend. She isn't deliberately excluding the others as she's also planning to meet them at some point. As gently as possible, back off a bit and let her have the celebration she wants.