advice RE child neglect

[hilsay]

I am really worried about my children when they are with the Ex.

They are telling me things that have increasingly got worse. Mainly markers for neglect like not being fed consistently and listening to adults screaming at each other and one being thrown out the house etc. I think the ex is on drugs or at least abusing alcohol too.

There are other things and I am genuinely worried.

If I report this to social services what will happen?

Social services will not get involved at this stage. You need to stop contact and get legal advice. Really don't expect social services to act for you here.

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Social services will not get involved at this stage. You need to stop contact and get legal advice. Really don't expect social services to act for you here.

It depends on the severity, for us they did and their help was vital. They uncovered a lot of abuse that we were not aware of. Domestic abuse and neglect are safeguarding issues and should be reported as if anything happens and you are aware of the situation it can be seen as failing to protect.

It’s you social services will have the problem with for sending the kids despite knowing this, trust me social services will come down on you speaking from experience! As you are the one”failing to protect” by continuing to send them. Be very wary getting them involved.

Don't be afraid of social services. In my situation, they got the school safe guarding lead to speak with the children. Once the result of that was fed back to social services, they instructed me to stop contact unless it was supervised, and advised the father to attend parenting lessons if he wish to resume full contact. My solicitor then put it all in writing to him, and sent a copy to social services for their records. In my case social services were right in deciding their hands off approach was best course of action for my children long term.

I can't believe how many different responses there are to this.

It depends on the severity, for us they did and their help was vital. They uncovered a lot of abuse that we were not aware of. Domestic abuse and neglect are safeguarding issues and should be reported as if anything happens and you are aware of the situation it can be seen as failing to protect.

Yes it could. But not if the OP stops contact. The responsibility to safeguard children lies primarily with the parents. Social services are only there to step in with the parents can't keep children safe. When one parent is risky and the other is safe the safe parent is responsible for safeguarding. If they can't do it then the courts can step in. Social services may be required by the court to provide assessment or evidence but actually this is only likely if the courts believe there is abuse, otherwise it would be cafcass.

You have to go to court. For court you will need evidence. If this is a neglect situation, your best chance of getting evidence is to go through social services.

I should have clarified, this likely plays out in court and with social services involved at some point. I would start with a solicitor though. You need someone with expertise on this type of case. Getting the evidence required to restrict his access or to predicate or on being sober is not easy. Even in cases when kids end up in a&e it can be a battle.

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep eldest is 15 and he is already trying to support the younger child (aged 8) with missed meals etc. It's not consistent lack of food, just skipped dinner times a 2/3 times a week.

The children are pretty much left to their own devices in the evenings and I know the 8yr old is sometimes still awake at 10pm on a school night.

There is definitely alcohol involved some nights, the 8 year old is off making toast alone and I worry she could easily stick a knife in the toaster and electrocute herself without supervision.

I am going to do an anonymous phone call to social services and ask for advice on what to do and what the consequences will be before I give any identifying details.

Children are with me now thankfully so they're all safe and happy for now.

Thanks so much for everyone's input.

I totally get your concern and hope if you did speak to the school you are not in the same situation as me.

2yo came home with unexplained and untreated injury in a spot children wouldn't really get injured. Asked him and he got defensive and threatening. Stopped care because of it bc no court order. Sought medical and spoke to professionals and had support in my decision.

He did try take the child from child care without telling anyone. Child wasnt there and I went to police, they wanted to press charges and they got cps involved.

While they were investigating he engaged with lawyer and started threats of return the child or face recovery orders... but also used that same lawyer to reject the fortnightly supervised time I offered him...

Police could get no answers so can't prosecute and i dont know the cps outcome on his end only my own (bc in my country they investigate both parents).

Its been over a month of welfare checks done on me, threats, even following me and the kids in the car but I have not been served yet...

The most recent thing, false reports to cps.

He said I leave our 2 year old at home by himself for hours... cps saw right through it after having a convo and realising he is doing it out of retaliation and closed the case 40 mins after they arrived at my house but my god... he is willing to risk our 2 year old ending up in foster care than be with a healthy capable parent all because I did the right thing.

My honest advice, report and file in the courts a day after. Get interim or temp custody to protect yourself. Do not be afraid of the backlash of protecting your children.