... simple ideas/things to show appreciation for DH

[RadioWASP]

For the past months I've been super busy with work (including lengthy commute), help with a relative, a hobby where I'm involved in the organisation. As a result, I'm often out early, home later, and busy while here. I'm stuck in those situations for a while.

I've my DF reminded me of DH upcoming significant birthday. This morning I've Dsis telling me how patient DH must be, etc.

These made me feel concerned about very different lives. I was going to post in relationships, but decided I would not since while I'm super busy I'd also consider myself fairly happy with things.

... any ideas / simple things to show appreciation to a DH/DP?

Does the situation look like it will continue for weeks? months? years?

Very separate lives can suit some couples, but not for others.

There is a current thread in chat that might be worth reading, here is the link: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4286682-To-expect-husband-to-say-thanks

"Languages of love" from the chat post is worth a read and thinking about in general. It might apply to your situation.

Maybe your DH is happy with things as is? Ask him and see?

It's awful to be in a relationship where you are taken for granted. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but the fact that you are posting shows you might have concerns. Also the fact that your Dsis mentioned it says a lot too.

I know you are super busy, but making some time for your DH should surely be a priority?

In my case it is simple things like bringing home a coffee on way back from shopping on Sat morning, sometimes offer to take boys to football which he usually does, and so on.

I also surprise DH with the occasional hug, peck because I know he is very tactile.

My DH sounds similar to yourself he works really hard 12 hour days then is away most weekends with his hobby/other job (he loves it so id never stop it) but it is very hard been alone so much especially with a toddler and being pregnant. He often books date nights for us and takes DD out when he is at home so he can spend time with her and I get a break. We don't see each other alot and if it was long term wouldn't work at all but for now it's OKish. His favourite coffee/sweets/treats would be nice and making time for just the two of you/family days when you are around. Also text or ring when you're not home

Yes to all that "languages of love" stuff. It's mostly common sense, and having time and showing respect for your partner. It's the stuff you'd typically find in a good relationship.

@nicecoffeecup, I also have a tactile DH, and those things are simple and matter a lot. I'd expand on that being aware of him, what he likes in the bedroom too is important.

Is his going out to watch the England game this evening with friends? If yes, offer to bring/collect him from the pub. That's my treat for today :)

@Needingsupportplease how long will your DH be working/doing is hobby like that?

It sounds like you are very separate lives. DH and I have very separate hobbies, as do the kids. Between that and work our days just disappear.

Every Sunday morning I kill two birds with one stone. At 8 I go for run with friends, afterwards pick up coffee/treat near our house for DH, have a shower, then in to bed give him a BJ. All done and dusted by 11AM, and he tells me he is the happiest DH in the world :)

@everythingpassed, haha you seem very efficient and organised. I commend you. I've now my plan for Sunday sorted ;)

Been reading the chat link and languages of love. Thanks, that is helpful

Think about things from your partners perspective sometimes. If there are things you both like to do it's kinda easy to cater for those.

But is there something that is special for him (and not necessary for you to like or care about). Those types of things show extra care and thought. For example, I don't drink, it would never occur for me to buy alcohol shopping, but sometimes I do buy some bottles of a craft beer if it got good reviews.

@ineedaholidaynow not sure to be honest, expecting number 2 and I'm not returning to work so we need all the money we can get but of course money isn't everything. If I asked him to stop he would but he loves it, has friends there, gets paid and is his 'him time' really

@Needingsupportplease do you get any ‘you time’ and ‘family time’?

I does takes time and effort to maintain a relationship. If you are not doing that, then it spells trouble.

First time around I was very neglectful. I was younger, more self centered, almost everything was about my job, holidays where I wanted, and was blindsided when we split. Apparently it was not a surprise to my friends to all.

I'm older and wiser now, and more deliberately thoughtful of others, especially DH.

@RadioWASP, the fact that your dsis is pointing out something like that means you should take note.

@Needingsupportplease, it is a juggle with young children and starting a family. After those crazy early years hopefully you'll have more time and money. I had none of those reasons/excuses.

Sex?

Yes to that! With some enthusiasm, not just lying there and thinking of England (even though that did cross my mind in bed this morning, we'll surely beat Ukraine? :) )

But it's amazing the number of posts on MN where one of the partners wants a sexless relationship. Based on reading MN, I'd say it's second in list of problems after being in a relationship with an abusive asshole.

@ineedaholidaynow yes thankyou not sure why your asking me so much? I was simply answering OP my life is fine thanks and works for us currently.