Was I unreasonable regarding young not with additional needs.

[Troubledwaters25]

I have named changed but a regular member.
I will give full story so I don’t drip feed and I am willing to be told I was in the wrong but I am say going over the incident on my head feeling bad that I may have caused upset.

DC2 is in hospital, where she has been for some time. She is very very vulnerable and in a cubicle for he down protection ( not only she due to covid )

In another room there was a boy who was in over night last night after after routine surgery. He has autism and is 9 ( mum had told me ) I should as she was also non verbal. he was very clearly unsettled and I absolutely had no issues with anything as I could see it was a difficult situation for him and them. This afternoon the boy entered my daughters cubicle ( she was sat on the chair at the time ) the parents followed him but didn’t seem to attempt to remove him from the room. He sat on daughters bed and the parents then sat on the floor ( no one was wearing masks ) the boy then got up to run out of our room and the mum stopped him, and told him to sit down and then settled him laying down on daughters bed. Both parents then remained in the room ( I felt a bit off and a bit akward ) I went to the desk to explain and the nurses came to explain to them they couldn’t be in the room.
The parents said it wasn’t there fault but he was calmer in here. The nurses explained they could help get him out and settled in his room. They asked me if I was ok with him being in there and I said No I’m sorry but you can’t all be in here. She said he likes the bed and I said I’m really sorry but there was not much I could do but they had to leave. Anyway they managed to get them out the room in the end but the mum was visibly quite upset with me.

I totally understood that they were trying to calm him and his was struggling and now I feeling very guilty !!?

My title for some reason is wrong

Meant to read going boy !!

Why are you feeling guilty?

You child isn't in hospital for a bit of fun. She isn't well herself, nobody should be invading her safe space, let alone an entire family.

Each parent needs to assert for the needs of their children. You are responsible for yours. Do they even know what your daughter is in for?

Outrageous

Nope. As the parent of an autistic child who has recently been in hospital I kept him in his room the whole time as tough as it was (he is used to being able to wander around the ward)

You were absolutely not wrong, I’d have been very upset at another family sitting on my vulnerable child’s bed.

I have a non-verbal autistic son and I wouldn't have done what they did in a million years. The little boys needs are important but they don't take precedence over your dc's. You did nothing wrong.

You were very restrained, OP. I'd have gone nuclear at them putting my child at risk.

(I'm assuming they understood your daughter's situation, but even if not, um, pandemic!?)

Oh my god they were out of order not you
Don’t think about it for a minute

So we’re you there at the time they all entered the room? Why didn’t you say not to? Why didn’t you stop them and tell them to leave? No way would I have let this happen.

Mum of an autistic child. You did nothing wrong, they are so out of order.

I'd have been beyond angry if my dd was extremely vulnerable and kicked them out pronto.
You anbu other than not being more proactive in getting them out immediately.
But I can see that for you it was difficult.

But you were there in the room?
You shouldn’t have let him in. And if he’d rushed in, you should have have leapt up and ushered him out. If the mother was looking visibly upset I expect it was because you’d given such mixed messages, and she felt wrong footed by you.

Even without covid to consider, it's wrong for a family of strangers to impose themselves on someone else's personal space that way. Your daughter deserves peace and quiet. The boy might not have known any better than to wander into her cubicle, but his parents should have stopped him or at least promptly removed him back to his own space. His comfort is not more important than your daughter's.

Absolutely don't feel guilty for standing up for your daughter!

So he came flying in first parents followed after. I was fully aware that he wouldn’t of listened to me. I did ask them to leave.
There wasn’t much else I could do I can’t handle someone else’s child hence going to ask for help.

Where were you initially saying “”I’m so sorry, no one can come into susie’s room”.

Problem cut off at the start.

“Horace must leave immediately. Susie is clinically vulnerable”. Phrases like that are things everyone understands now.

My son is autistic. And when he was younger, it was nightmare getting him settled in places like hospitals.

But that doesn't make it acceptable to invade others privacy or take over their rooms. Especially in hospital.

When your child is autistic its very difficult, but you can't let them do whatever they want, especially when it impacting other people.

When ds was young I was on a long hail flight with him and a family kept letting g their sons run up the aisle to him and shout at him. I asked them to stop and all I got is that they could help it because their children were autistic and there was nothing they could do.

I pointed out my son was also autistic and on the verge of a meltdown and they were making it worse.

At that point they mange step in and stopped them doing it.

We do the best for our kids, but we can't just let them impact everyone else.

When the parents entered after him I did say that, they said it wasn’t his fault or theirs. I went to get the nurse to help. Not sure what else I could of done. But maybe I should of been more assertive but we had a boy who was clearly distressed, who I didn’t want to upset even further as daughter was already scared. He then went to leave the room and I assumed obviously that was that but the parents decided to try settle him back in the room and I got help to remove them.
I don’t know the parents apart from a brief earlier conversation.

I probably repeated vulnerable at least 4 times also masks. This was also repeated when the nurses came in the room. No they didn’t seem to understand.

You were quite right. (I'm paeds nurse) and have nothing to feel guilty about. Your daughters room should be her private safe space. What if she'd been having personal care when he went in?

YANBU.
The parents were being unreasonable not to even attempt to get him out of the room or not allowing him to leave!

@Strikethrough

(I'm assuming they understood your daughter's situation, but even if not, um, pandemic!?)

The other parents should no nothing about the daughters situation. Unless her mum has told them.

Op you did what you thought was best at the time.

No one knows how to handle these things. All autistic children are different. As are their parents.

You did what you thought was the best thing at the time. No one can expect you handle it in a way that the boy and is parents would have been happy with it.

They caused this situafion.

I remember your threads about your daughter. It’s been a long time. I hope she’s ok. Don’t apologise for advocating for and protecting your very vulnerable daughter.

I have autistic children, there is no way I would have allowed them to just wander into somebody else’s space.