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23 replies

lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 13:56

db is 22 and came out when he was 19. we come from a small town but he went to uni in middlesborough and works at a big camp site in wales every summer, but he is still very naive and trusting.

anyhoo, next week he is off to cork for a few days. with some bloke he hasnt even met yet. theyve been chatting on a gay chat site and db is setting off to spend the weekend with a total stranger. im worried sick. this man could be anyone, he could be a total psycho.

when i expressed my worries to db he thought i was over-reacting but i think he's being irresponsible and possibly putting himself at risk. so, AIBU?

OP posts:

hayCHingleBells · 23/11/2007 14:00



Joekate · 23/11/2007 14:00

No, YANBU. Like you say, this man may not have been entirely honest in the chat room. And you are just showing concern over a brother you love!


lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 14:05

thanks. db likes to think he is worldy-wisem but he is very immature and this man is from dublin, so hasnt had as far to travel. tried to explain that this isnt about his sexuality, id feel the same way if my sis was planning this, or even if my other bro was going to meet a woman. but db is adamant that he's going

OP posts:

Camillathechicken · 23/11/2007 14:07

it is absolultely nothing to do with his sexuality, but the danger of meeting someone on the tinterweb and going off to spend a weekend with them.

on balance twill probably be fine, but it is a big risk to take


potoftea · 23/11/2007 14:07

YANBU it's got nothing to do with whether the people are gay, straight, old or young, you should NEVER EVER go away with someone you don't know. If he won't listen to you at least make sure that your db has some emergency cash with him if things go bad and he needs to book accomodation or travel home unexpectedly.


lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 14:08

he's coming over in a bit so i shall talk to him then

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadow · 23/11/2007 14:10

Make sure you get as much details about the person he is meeting, and details of WHERE they are meeting, before he goes. I agree it has nothing to do with sexualtiy, but common sense.


lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 14:16

thank you. was beginning to think i was over-reacting a bit!

OP posts:

Blu · 23/11/2007 14:17

Be concerned that he follow some basic precautions, rather then 'worried sick', I think.

All the things anyone would do to take care on a blind date / internet arranged meet. Meet in a public place, leave contact details with someone, make sure the person he is meeting knows someone has his details and is expecting him.

And handle it very carefully - it isn't about his sexuality (although it is connected because he is meeting a man. Meeting a woman would not worry you as much...but would probably worry the woman's friends even more, iyswim) per se, but he will see a big fuss from you as if it is about his sexuality and may resist listening. Be encouraging and supportive voice of care and sensible advice on how to do it safely, rather than the screeching nag of impending doom, iyswim


Swedes2Turnips1 · 23/11/2007 14:29

YABU - Why is this more risky than meeting someone in a pub, going out with them on a couple of dates - say a meal somewhere and the cinema - and then going to stay with them for the weekend. The internet is just another way of meeting someone and if they have been chatting (like we all do in Mumsnet) they probably know a good deal more about one another than they would from a few dates in pubs, cinemas, restaurants etc. And why is someone you meet in a pub more likely to be truthful than someone on the internet? Of course get him to tell you where he is going but don't assume that he is going to end up in a bin liner in the boot of this bloke's car.


Swedes2Turnips1 · 23/11/2007 14:30

I think it's lovely that you are worried though.


EffiePerine · 23/11/2007 14:36

I know several gay couples who met their current (lovely and normal) partners over the internet. Don't assume this bloke is a weirdo psycho killer, but let your brother know that you're worried, make sure he tells someone where he is going and emphasise that he can call you if he needs to.


tripletsandtwins · 23/11/2007 14:38

YANBU, you are showing genuine concern!


LilRedWG · 23/11/2007 14:40

You are a lovely big sis!


drosophila · 23/11/2007 14:40

Is he booked into a hotel or anything. As long as he is booked into a hotel and is not going to this guy's apartment I think it should be ok. Get him to treat it like a date. Drinks in a pub, meal etc......


lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 16:02

he is booked into a hotel, i suppose i wouldnt be AS worried if they were meeting in the uk, but ireland's a long way away.

ive asked him to email me his itinery and this lad's details. also to call me when they've met and also to text me during the night. i know that statistically he will be fine, but he has conceded that he would feel the same way if our roles were reversed.

OP posts:

Mercy · 23/11/2007 16:12

You've done the right thing, Lissie. Hope he has a good time!


drosophila · 23/11/2007 18:19

Last time I was in Cork it was a nice town/city.


dd666 · 23/11/2007 18:35

oh lissie you are right to be concerned about your db but you have so much on your mind at the minute i feel you might be using this as a distraction!


Swedes2Turnips1 · 23/11/2007 18:41

The address of his friend is:
The Priest's House
St Aiden's Church
Douglas Road


Mercy · 23/11/2007 18:49

Eh? Is that meant to be funny?


lissielewzealand · 23/11/2007 18:52

im confused, is that a joke?

OP posts:

LilRedMummyGiraffe · 24/11/2007 13:27

Hope he has a lovely time Lissie.

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