Who is being unreasonable here?

[GodThisIsEmbarrasing]

This is probably stupid but driving me mad.

A, B, C and I have a table booked for brunch tomorrow.

I had to confirm the table this morning, so messaged them all together to confirm.

A says she can't do that time tomorrow anymore, B and C can, so I confirm for 3 people.

A suggests a few hours later instead. C can't make that. I can, at a push, but it's much less convenient. B isn't sure.

I don't want to hold the table if we're not using it, so I say we'll cancel this time, and rearrange for a better time for everyone.

A comes back to suggest that I go for brunch with C and then meet her in the afternoon... but that means spending all day there. I can't easily reschedule, the next 2/3 weeks are manic, I can't fit it in.

Nobody says anything else.

A has just sent us all a screenshot confirmation that she's booked an afternoon table for three. C presumably still can't go. I don't really want to.

WIBU here?

They don't want to go without me because they want to celebrate with me, which is lovely. But I am suffering from pretty poor mental health now, which is worst in the evening, and I'm even finding the back and forth over this really stressful... Hand on heart, I just don't want to go anymore. I don't really want to be forced to tell them that I'm struggling, because they'd worry, and I just don't really want to have to make it public. I also don't want to upset anyone.

A's being a bit selfish really. You wouldn't be unreasonable to say "sorry that doesn't suit me. When is everyone next free?"

A is being unreasonable, but you should have stuck with the arrangement for you, B & C. They could still make it and I'd be pretty peed off if I had something planned and it got cancelled for no good reason the night before

Yeah, you're right about B & C, in hindsight.

I was at work when A suggested the change, and nobody had said anything for two hours when I saw the messages. I panicked that I was going to have to choose between them, and needed to let the venue know if we were cancelling so I didn't lose my deposit, so I thought it was easier to cancel.

I'll message B & C to apologise. We only arranged it yesterday so hopefully they're not too put out

Look after yourself 💐
Tell them it's not convenient and you can't make it. X

A is being unreasonable. It’s pretty selfish that because A can’t now make the time agreed, B and C have had their plans cancelled

And by that I mean selfish of A. It’s not your fault and I probably would have cancelled too

A is a selfish arse. She, he or they should have messaged to say as soon as they made other plans which clashed. Regardless of how historically the plans were made, plans were made. What would have happened if you hadn’t have needed to confirm the table?

A wanted you to hang around in town all afternoon?! What is wrong with her?!

As pp said, you should have gone with b and c.

I'd have gone with B & C if I hadn't needed to confirm. I fully intended to.

B messaged privately to say she was finding it really awkward when A suggested the new time and C couldn't do it. That added to my panic and I felt cancelling was nicer because I didn't have to look like I was "choosing", but that seems stupid now. I've messaged B & C to apologise.

A has now suggested that I meet C on a different day, and her tomorrow afternoon. C has said nothing. I feel awful, and tear-y.

I've messaged to say that I can't go. I'm now hoping that A doesn't kick-off. I feel like turning my phone off for a year.

I wish I could leave the WhatsApp group without it announcing it to everyone, and looking like a flounce. I've archived it but it'll bounce back to the top as soon as someone replies 🙈

She did. I’m exhausted. I can’t reply. I’m in pieces.