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AIBU?

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Original poster

How long to divorce?

19 replies

DoctorStrangeness · 02/07/2021 20:13

My friend has a boyfriend, they live together and have been together 3 years. Her boyfriend is separated from his wife and goes to the marital home once a month for 4 days to spend time with their kids, he stays on sofa.

The divorce was started 3 years ago, but is still ongoing (not sure why?) he sends £2k of his monthly paycheck to ex wife for maintenance. Friend hasn't met the kids yet and ex wife doesn't know about the new relationship.

How long did your divorce take?

OP posts:
toobusytothink · 02/07/2021 20:17

Seperated 3 years ago. Still not divorced. Amicable and it’s taking a while due to a few things. Both with new people. I’ve been seeing my bf for 2 1/2 years. He seperated from his “wife” over 3 years ago too and not yet divorced either …

toobusytothink · 02/07/2021 20:27

Hang on - they live together but she hasn’t met the kids and ex wife doesn’t know about the “new” relationship - the one which has been going on 3 years …?

Original poster
DoctorStrangeness · 02/07/2021 20:36

@toobusytothink

Hang on - they live together but she hasn’t met the kids and ex wife doesn’t know about the “new” relationship - the one which has been going on 3 years …?
Yes - he's been with my friend for 3 years but his ex wife doesn't know and my friend has never met/been introduced to his children.
OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 02/07/2021 20:48

My divorce took nearly three years so I don't think that part of it is odd.

What would worry me far more was the fact he appears to be keeping this new live-in relationship a total secret from his ex wife and kids. You could explain that as caution and wanting to protect the kids for a period of time but three years?

Sounds to me as if he hasn't mentally moved on from his former family.

girlmom21 · 02/07/2021 20:51

£2000 a month is a LOT of money and 3 years is a long time to say she hasn't met his kids yet. What excuse does he give the ex for not seeing the kids the other 25 days of the month?

Funnylittlefloozie · 02/07/2021 21:02

Just checked my dates. Application for decree nisi submitted two days before Christmas last year. Nisi granted 3rd Feb this year, and Absolute on 12 March.

We separated six years ago, but never got round to divorcing. My DP is also getting divorced (same as me, been separated for years but not divorced). The formal process doesn't take long. I think your friend is being played for an absolute mug, sadly.

Peace43 · 02/07/2021 21:06

Separated in Oct, final divorce papers came through the following April. He didn’t contest anything.

EL8888 · 02/07/2021 21:09

11 months. No children. Owned a house. Briefly he tried to argue about money, his solicitor told him to stop wasting his time l think. I had suggested a fair deal (he wanted the split to be all to him and none to me) but he had to suck up my deal and l could have gone for more

Original poster
DoctorStrangeness · 02/07/2021 21:21

@girlmom21

£2000 a month is a LOT of money and 3 years is a long time to say she hasn't met his kids yet. What excuse does he give the ex for not seeing the kids the other 25 days of the month?
The reason is him working away (very highly paid, niche job) so wife and kids live in Brighton (for example) but he works in Birmingham (for example), where he lives with my friend.

I've met him a few times and he gives me the creeps. Friend is utterly in love with him and is very very trusting, she has never questioned him. I know it's none of my business I just think none of it adds up or makes sense! :(

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/07/2021 21:23

He is 100% not separated from his wife!

Original poster
DoctorStrangeness · 02/07/2021 21:28

@girlmom21

He is 100% not separated from his wife!
Is there a 'usual' for how these situations end? Will he end up just leaving my friend out the blue to go home to his wife, if my hunch is right and it's all bullshit?

I don't know how she'd cope. She's become a shell of herself since being with him.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/07/2021 21:31

@DoctorStrangeness presumably the wife will find out. Or your friend will start talking about marriage and babies, or wake up and smell the roses and realise he's been stringing her along.

Whatever happens she'll need a really good friend Flowers

TopBlogger · 02/07/2021 21:34

6 months from start to finish. He didn't contest it. DCs with me, split bank account money and had a car each so no big financial assets

Brown76 · 02/07/2021 21:36

He’s not getting divorced.

myfuckingfreezer · 02/07/2021 22:26

Either which way he chooses to only see his kids once a month. What a prince

JaceLancs · 02/07/2021 22:49

My divorce was finalised 7 years after he left me and DC for OW
In all fairness we were trying to do it on the cheap so waited 5 years for no fault and then did DIY version which took a while

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 02/07/2021 23:23

I think he's living a double life... your poor friend needs to get out of this relationship but sadly we all know she won't.

Original poster
DoctorStrangeness · 03/07/2021 07:47

Luckily she doesn't want kids or marriage but I am worried about her mental health, and also her future security.

I will absolutely be there for her whatever happens. It can't continue like this for much longer, surely?

I spoke with her briefly last night, she happened to bring the divorce up - she said the boyfriend has said his solicitors have told him it's best if he sorts everything with his wife amicably and not rely on solicitors.

OP posts:
Theoscargoesto · 03/07/2021 08:41

Well it is best if it can be done amicably but how far have those discussions got? Have they even started yet?

If he wanted to be divorced he would have got a lot closer by now. I’m afraid I’m with PP and your friend is being naive.

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