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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriends drinking habits. AIBU?!

30 replies

Tryingtobe123 · 02/07/2021 03:20

Never one to tell someone what they should and shouldn’t do. But over the past few years I’ve noticed my boyfriend drinking more and more. He hides it from me and I’d say he drinks probably 4-6 cans of beer every night consistently with more on the weekends. Am I being unreasonable to be telling him I’m slightly worried about his habits? It’s more the lying about it and hiding it. He comes to bed some nights and it smells like he’s been on a night out. It was his birthday 2 weeks ago and in those 2 weeks he’s drank the 3 big bottles of whiskey that he got gifted. He says he has no money for things but still manages to buy beer. Should he seek help for this? Will it escalate into something more sinister as time goes on?

We’ve spoken about it in the past and he has admitted that he has a ‘habit’ of drinking too much. But doesn’t seem willing to accept that maybe the habit is becoming something more serious. Should I push him more to seek some kind of help? AIBU? Overthinking it?!

OP posts:
romdowa · 02/07/2021 08:33

Start getting your self ready to leave, he makes all the right noises when you get fed up but nothing changes and it won't. Don't subject your child to a life with an alcoholic

pointythings · 02/07/2021 09:08

If you have a son, you need to leave. I stayed for too long. My DDs were older teens when it all crashed and burned, and they were badly affected. DD1 is much better now having had intense therapy, but DD2 (who was his scapegoat) still has a long way to go.

Children are always better off without an alcoholic parent. And believe me, life without an alcoholic partner is infinitely better too.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2021 15:54

Hi all, yes we have a son. He’s my priority. I don’t want him growing up around this.

Then why are you still there?

Graphista · 02/07/2021 17:12

Your son will most likely be better off if you leave him.

I know that is blunt and hard to hear but it's true.

I wish my mum had left my dad.

His addiction will ALWAYS be more important than anyone or anything else - even if he quits.

Any other addicts reading will disagree with me but it's been my experience not only with my dad but all the other addicts in my family (all on dads side, range from gambling to exercise to alcohol to hard drugs) and the others I've known this has been true every single time.

Seriously as per pps on this you are doing your son a massive disservice if you stay AND increasing the likelihood significantly that he will develop an addiction himself.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/07/2021 18:20

If you stay you are doing your DS a disservice, hugely.

You can leave him, he can actually put his effort into recovery if he's serious about his future, but you can't be the one to support him through that and keep your child safe and settled.

Living in a home with an alcoholic is hugely damaging for a child. No protection is adequate from the damage it does other than removing the alcoholic from the situation while they seek and establish recovery.

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