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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that he's gone abroad while I'm pregnant..

18 replies

ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:38

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and have suffered really badly with hyperemesis all the way through. The affect its had on my mental health has been awful.
DP has gone abroad to stay with his parents with his cousin for a week and taken our 4 year old with him, and I'm a bit anxious in case they catch anything on the plane and are incubating it when they get back so I'm going to stay at my parent's when they get back for 10 days to be safe - meaning I won't see DC for over 17 days in total.
I didn't stop him going but AIBU to be upset that he's gone while I'm like this? Him and his cousin are posting all these happy photos in the sun on facebook and I'm just stuck in the house alone feeling sick with nothing that feels like living for at the moment. We haven't been great at all recently and he's not been whatsoever supportive to me, even when I was hospitalised for a week. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 01/07/2021 23:40

Well, getting upset is not going to change anything is it? He is abroad already.

Sounds like you are feeling unwell and miserable. That's totally understandable. But it is done now - you just have to get on with it

MichelleScarn · 01/07/2021 23:41

You're absolutely not unreasonable to feel upset, but when did he or your dc last see his family? Is it not better he goes now than closer to your due date?

Hankunamatata · 01/07/2021 23:45

When did dp last get to see his family?

Merryoldgoat · 01/07/2021 23:46

The act itself doesn’t seem like much of a big deal - this wouldn’t bother me in and if itself.

However you say he’s generally not supportive so I think you need to get to the crux of the matter.

Original poster
ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:46

Its just hard because I'm in the house for the next week feeling like this completely on my own apart from the cat.
I just wish he had even given a second thought about leaving me, but he didn't and instead it feels like they're rubbing my face in it on facebook. He last saw them in about January 2020 I think so it has been a long time. I honestly think he probably would still have gone if it was booked even if it was only weeks off my due date.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 01/07/2021 23:48

You sound angry and resentful - why? What is at the heart of this?

Original poster
ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:48

This is how supportive he has been - I was hospitalised for 9 days and he did come to visit most days, so I thought maybe he actually does care. In the care on the way home he said ''I hope no one is ever in hospital long term, it was a right ball ache coming to visit you'' Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:49

in the car*

OP posts:
LizziesTwin · 01/07/2021 23:51

Why didn’t you go too?

MichelleScarn · 01/07/2021 23:52

Where are your parents? If you're going to stay with them for 10 days anyway, could you not just go now, he's only gone for a week.

Original poster
ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:53

I've been too unwell with this pregnancy I'm struggling to go to Morrisons at the moment never mind abroad, also having not had my jabs and being in my third trimester I didn't think its worth the risk, DP lost both our passports and mine hasn't even been replaced and I don't see eye to eye with his mum at the best of times and a week with them to me is hell.. so many reasons!

OP posts:
Original poster
ImissHooters · 01/07/2021 23:56

My parents are about half an hour away so not far. I don't really want to stay with them any longer than I have to, if it was just Dad I probably would but mum makes horrible comments all the time to me and I just can't deal with it at the moment. She knows things aren't great with DP and likes to remind me how I should've been nicer to and stayed with my first boyfriend, how I'm a terrible mother for letting DS go abroad without me.. just constant comments when I'm not in a great place as it is and don't need reminding. I've also got a few home visits from the perinatal mental health team booked this week x

OP posts:
Drivingmeupthewall · 01/07/2021 23:56

Oh OP. So many sad things here. There’s more to this isn’t there?

SengaMac · 01/07/2021 23:58

'Can't you just do this' 'Why don't you just do that'
Posters saying this stuff are being unkind.
Of course you feel terrible and it doesn't help that your husband is so unfeeling.
I'm sorry, I don't have any answer but just wanted to sympathise a bit. Flowers

Original poster
ImissHooters · 02/07/2021 00:02

I suppose there is more to it, it isn't just simply he's left me to go away for a week and I'm fed up about it. Obviously a lot of factors, how unwell I've been both physically and mentally, how badly I've struggled with the pregnancy and how unsupportive he has been, the state of our relationship, the comments mum makes meaning I'd rather be completely on my own in the house 24/7 than stay with her.. the list goes on I suppose. I would just have liked him to have given me a second thought even if it was a half hearted one.
Thank you Senga x

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 02/07/2021 00:02

Depends where he’s gone. Cases are much higher in the U.K. than most of Europe at the moment so if they’ve got it, they’re more likely to be infecting their family than bringing it home to you.

FluffMagnet · 02/07/2021 00:14

I'm really sorry OP, it all does sound pretty miserable at the moment. Have you any friends nearby who can come and pamper you a bit?

Sackofnickles · 02/07/2021 00:17

This isn't the first time you've posted about him/this pregnancy is it?

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