To think that it’s no else’s fault but my own that….

[LockStockz]

I don’t have a nice lifestyle. I didn’t have the confidence to study and get a decent job therefore I don’t own my one home, instead I live in a crappy council property. That’s not me saying council houses are crap, just mine is. I had 2dc whilst both me and dh were working but now i’m a sahm as our youngest dc is autistic and has other complex medical conditions. Dh doesn’t earn loads so we are topped up by tax credits. I get carers as ds receives DLA. I’ve never been an overly materialistic person and I go without things even if I have the money to treat myself as I’d rather spend money on the kids or on the house as it’s a state and needs work on it. But I look around at my friends and family who have done well for themselves and have modest luxury lifestyles and whilst I’m genuinely happy for them as they’ve all worked their backsides off for what they have, I can’t help but feel like a failure and slightly envious. I’m 40 now and have achieved sod all, absolutely nothing and I feel like I’ve failed at life. I have adhd which I wasn’t going to mention as I never use that as an excuse for me being a failure, but I can’t help sometimes find wishing my condition away as who knows, I might have done better for myself. Anyway there is no point to my post other than getting it all out.

You are not a failure.

If you love and are loved in return, you are winning. Even if you are having a harder time of it than you’d like.

Life might not be easy and others may seem to have it all or have it better and they just might. Mostly everyone has a wee cross of their own to carry.

But I would take love over everything.

Simplistic and possibly not helpful.

But you are not a failure 🌻

You are not a failure.

Career success is about more than just hard work and individual circumstances can make a massive difference.

But money and career aren’t the only (or even best) way to measure success...

Raising your lovely children is a success.

Having friends and family you care about is success.

Getting up everyday and living your life is a success.

Admitting that things like ADHD make some things harder isn’t an excuse... it’s a valid reason why some aspects of life are harder for you because the world is set up largely for people without ADHD. It means that many of your accomplishments are even greater.

It’s not too late to study now if you want to

You are not a failure. You have produced two wonderful DC and you are doing an important job looking after your DC2. Caring is really hard work too - I couldn't do it!
How old is DC2? Could you start looking for other work (maybe part time at first?), or going back to college? It's never too late to study and lots of places offer online courses now too so you can do it at your own pace. Most places can also help with support for your ADHD if that's something that held you back at school before.