Hello
I've name changed for this but a long time MN poster.
I'm not doing to drip feed so be prepared for a long message, I realise now that half of what he's told me are lies.
I will call him James.
On a social media app, I had been following James for about a year before he messaged me asking how I was etc. He is a salesperson for a huge company. He offers discounts etc.
We got chatting, he was charming and kind and just nice. He sent me some free products etc.
He lives with his ex wife, he has 3 children there who are under 8 and they'd been sleeping in separate beds for a year, were completely over, he was staying there for the kids and once he had enough money saved to buy a house, he was leaving.
I'm in my twenties, I got emotionally attached to him, I believed everything he told me about the living situation. At the time my relationship had ended 7 months previous due to my depression. I was a little vulnerable I guess. I didn't see the warning signs in not being able to call him first etc I was only "allowed" to contact him via social media.
Over the past 17 months we were meant to go on a "date" when lockdown has been eased etc, each time he cancelled on me last minute for a different reason each time.
He messaged me all day every day, all night every night. At first the attention was nice, he seemed amazing and I opened up to him about my mental health etc. He was supportive and tried to help, I was also in financial difficulty. He sent me money once (through my phone number) you can do that through some banks on your online banking. The odd £20, £50 then told me to go have my hair blow dried or treat myself etc.
I kept sending the money back and then he blocked me sending money to him so I couldn't. I told him to spend the money on his children or savings but he'd insist (he's earning big money through this company).
About 6 months in he told me he'd fallen in love with me, I THOUGHT I had with him, but I didn't say it back I said it was too quick and we hadn't met (he'd cancelled one date by then).
Gradually he's become more and more controlling and showing a nasty side. Think asking me why I'm going out with the girls when I've told him I have pain (endometriosis) making me feel bad for it, sending messages saying "you can't be in that much pain then" etc. This made my anxiety bad as I wouldn't want an argument. I'd back down etc. He'd also accuse me of speaking to other men.
Every time he believed this, he'd wait hours to text me back etc. I'd say enough and he'd send me pictures of him crying saying he's sorry.
Then he told me that a few months before they split they'd booked a family holiday to butlins for the kids and were still going together as it's nice for the children.
Fast forward a month after their holiday, I started to see a therapist (5th time in my life) and I suddenly had a clear head.
I told him I was in therapy and needed to break things off, that I wanted to heal from some serious things that has happened to me in my past. I told him I needed to focus on myself I told him we could be friends.
Since then he's sent me messages saying that I've used him, I've emotionally tortured him, that he'd be better off hanging himself etc.
He's been nice one minute (apologising and saying he wishes me well) and then I get angry messages telling me I'm dangerous, I've broken him and involved his children (I've never met or talked to his children) I would ask how they are in day to day conversation but that was that.
A few nights ago was the straw that broke the camels back I had message after message telling me all the same stuff, I'd used him, I was nasty etc. I blocked him on everything.
Now I'm just a nervous mess, he is a saint online, everyone adores him, he gives away this stuff for free and does charity work etc. Has a lot of followers who think he's a kind, amazing, giving person.
I've got every message that's ever been sent between us, he hasn't, he told me he deletes them all as can't be arsed if she looks through his phone as she still loves him.
I haven't been able to eat for 3 days as he knows my address from posting me stuff and I'm genuinely scared of him. He knows where I work etc. The talk of suicide and telling me how much of a user and a horrible person I am over and over has really done some damage.
I just want to say that I work full time, I'm just a normal person who's had a horrific childhood and a lot of grief since then. Loss after loss of the people I love.
My friend thinks if he contacts me again I should take it to the police as I've asked that he left me alone 3 times before I had to block him. I go to bed anxious and wake up anxious that I'll wake up to messages from him on another number etc.
I don't know how to feel better about this, I almost felt better when he wasn't blocked at least I could see what he was posting etc, he posts a lot of "pity me" posts.
I don't know how to explain how blind I was, I even think he is still with her or has at least been stringing her along as I found her business page and his sister and mum still comment things like "my lovely sister in law" etc.
I don't know how I've allowed a stranger to completely break me down, I've always been quite a strong person besides my mental health struggles. I know deep down I'm a good person with a big heart, I'm kind, I have good friends, good working relationships, a lot of god children etc. but he's made me question everything that I am and I can't explain how heavy I feel.
I keep thinking about her now I've got a clearer mind, I'm so sorry if they are still together. I was in such a vulnerable place and I opened up and I'm not sure if it's me that's crazy or if his behaviour is not acceptable.
I guess I just need an outsider to say it how they see this post. Thank you if you got this far.