To change dd’s school?

[WhoisRebecca]

Help! Dd, 15 has had MH issues and has been hospitalised twice after taking small overdoses. She sometimes self harms and her trigger is friendship issues at school. She suffers from emotional disregulation and is volatile. CAMHS have been involved since January; they suggested autism could be an issue and we have just involved a private psychiatrist who also thinks autism and ADHD are the appropriate pathways.

We are awaiting diagnosis. School have put a flexible timetable in place, however dd is now refusing to attend - saying she can’t cope with the friendship issues and nasty texts that haven’t been dealt with. I suspect dd also sends texts back as she is reactive and doesn’t help herself, but I can’t use normal parenting strategies with her as she goes nuclear and will hurt herself or run away/put herself in danger. When there are few demands placed on her, she is pleasant and calm.

She hasn’t been to school since Monday afternoon and yesterday she went for a walk at about 4pm and was seen near school with a friend. Attendance are now querying whether her absences should be authorised.

Dd thinks a change of school will be a fresh start, but that will involve a train and a 20 minute walk, plus starting in y11 will be hard.

But at the moment, she’s barely attending and when she is in, she’s not in class.

I have no idea where to go from here.

I work in education and have worked with a number of children who present similarly to your DD. IMO, changing schools at this stage will be counter-productive.

She will experience the upheaval of transition only to experience the exact same friendship issues at her new school because, and I really do mean this kindly, the 'problem' is her.

What you need is a plan to reintegrate her into the classroom. Are you having regular meetings with the school? Are they taking advice and following guidance from specialist services and Ed Psych? They are responsible for providing an education, even if this is via alternative provision or tuition in the home.

Moving schools these days doesn’t always solve issues, social media ‘friends’ can be far and wide. We looked into moving schools for DD and chosen school had one of the SM bullying culprits attending so she could have ended up being the new girl and still having to endure being bullied. Can you be sure nobody knows of her at new school, check SM. Fortunately for my DD bullying has settled down due to the schools involvement-can’t fault them, and DD knows who to stay away from. It was the most awful time, hope you get her sorted

Ask about a managed move

I will chat with them tomorrow. Was looking at interhigh as an option but I’m not sure she’ll engage. It’s so hard.

A managed move is not appropriate, they are for pupils at risk of permanent exclusion.

You can apply for an EHCNA yourself, online schooling such as at Interhigh can be included in EHCPs. In addition to this, the LA have a statutory duty to provide education to those unable to attend school, including because of their mental health. This can be provided in a variety of ways such as hospital school, home tuition, online, small group tuition... whatever meets the pupils' needs.

I just did this for my son for MH reasons. The staff at his school for cunts.
The move has been the best thing I could have done. Fresh start. The school culture is different and more child centred rather than results centric.
If you dc wants to move. I’d do it.

She is loving a new start where so called friends are not causing her new drama.