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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice on DD

10 replies

Whyohwhyohwhydotheydothis · 01/07/2021 18:44

Posting for traffic.
Dd14 is on the verge of getting kicked out of secondary school and I'm at a loss at what to do.
She moved to this school due to a house move at the beginning of the year. On the first day she had managed to rub three students up the wrong way resulting in arguements on the class WhatsApp group.
A week later she managed to fall out with most of the tutor group so made friends within her year group.
Positive feedback from school she seemed happy for a few weeks then she has a fight with another student. The poor girl was battered Infront of the school, she got suspended for two weeks and had to go into isolation in school for a further week.
She now for the past month has been asked so many times by the school to remove her pearcings due to health and safety reasons which I completely agree with. Just for context she went with a friend and got the pearcings done taking her younger siblings birthday money to pay for it! She was supposed to be doing her homework in the library at the time.
She has flat out refused to take it out and it's causing so many arguments. She today told her teacher and deputy head to "fuck off' and if they didn't stop going on at her she would "knock them out". She openly came home bragging about it although the school has not contacted me yet.
She is supposed to be doing her g.c.s.e next year it's important obviously but she doesn't care and I think is deliberately doing all of the above to be kicked out of school.
She doesn't wear the correct uniform she ripped her blazer on purpose because she doesn't want to wear it. Her tie and shirt she wears but she will wear jeans/joggers/leggings with trainers/sliders instead of her actual uniform. I have tried talking to her calmly, punishing her for her wrong doings but it goes in one ear and out the other. I have no idea what to do next with her.
Any advice is appreciated.

OP posts:
Whyohwhyohwhydotheydothis · 01/07/2021 18:45

Posted this in parenting earlier but only had one response.

OP posts:
Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 18:46

Are there no signs of the violence at home? How much money can you throw at this?

Embracelife · 01/07/2021 18:47

Take her to visit the local pupil referral unit where she will haVe to respect a very strict behaviour policy....but also PRU may address whatever emotional issues are behind this behaviour

MadMadMadamMim · 01/07/2021 18:49

She today told her teacher and deputy head to "fuck off' and if they didn't stop going on at her she would "knock them out". She openly came home bragging about it although the school has not contacted me yet.

More likely utter bullshit from her, and what she'd like to have said. Believe me, the school would have contacted you if she'd actually said this.

Radio4ordie · 01/07/2021 18:51

What were the circumstances of the move? Has she left friends and family? What was she like before the move?

I’d approach it that your DD is very angry about something. She might not actually know herself, but I’d seek family therapy to get to the bottom of it.

cupsofcoffee · 01/07/2021 18:52

What were the circumstances around the move and what was her behaviour like beforehand?

Whyohwhyohwhydotheydothis · 01/07/2021 18:57

She is rude to her siblings often and recently threw a hairdryer at her youngest sister causing a big bump on her head and bruising.
Before the move she enjoyed the school was well behaved etc but has never been one to keep friendships for longer than a few months. She was happy to move home and school for a fresh start.

OP posts:
user1471539385 · 01/07/2021 19:37

If this is out of character for her, there is something else going on. Work with the school, and explain to them that this is not like her. They might be able to help her get to the bottom of it, and to establish new patterns.

Radio4ordie · 01/07/2021 19:41

I hate to ask this OP but is it possible that something traumatic might have happened to her that you aren’t aware of?

BlankTimes · 01/07/2021 20:18

Try Dr Ross Greene's The Explosive Child and his website Lives in the Balance.

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