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Original poster

Social care reports

47 replies

Rosebel · 01/07/2021 17:16

Today my daughter school phoned and said they'd had a report from social care that she was sending indecent images to multiple strangers on the Internet.
I searched her phone (she's isolating at the moment) without telling her why and couldn't find anything on her images, WhatsApp, Snapchat or Instagram.
Is it usual to contact a school instead of parents? How did they find out what school she was at?
She must have done something for this report to happen but I'm struggling to find evidence and she insists she didn't do anything.
What should I do? I'm so worried

OP posts:
CopperBear · 01/07/2021 17:20

How old is DD?
If it were on Snapchat then you couldn't search for it - that's the entire point of Snapchat. You also don't know if the person who made the report warned her that they were doing so or if she regularly deletes things just incase you check her phone. If they know her school then it would make sense for them to contact the school - schools are there to safeguard children, and this is a safeguarding issue.
What exactly were you told? Did the school speak to DD? How do they know it's multiple people? How do they know they were strangers?

Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 17:22

Sit her down and discuss the situation calmly, neutrally and without judgement. Explain the legal situation and explain the harm that can come to people personally. Discussion revenge porn.

If you cant find it, it doesn't mean shes innocent, just that she better than average at hiding it. Explain that a police forensic search by an expert would be far harder to hide stuff from

LIZS · 01/07/2021 17:26

I would guess that it involved another pupil/s. Safeguarding issues may well bypass parents. Do not go through her phone further or allow her access to delete anything. What did school advise?

Bluntness100 · 01/07/2021 17:29

The fact there is nothing on her phone is not relevant op. Many platforms have images that delete unless you specifically save.

If the school is saying it’s her, then I would assume it’s her and it involves other pupils.

What did the school say is the next steps?

Bluntness100 · 01/07/2021 17:30

Both snap chat and what’s app now have messages that auto delete unless the person snags and saves.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2021 17:32

Is it usual to contact a school instead of parents? How did they find out what school she was at?

Parents probably reported to social care and told them which school.

nimbuscloud · 01/07/2021 17:33

She may have sent them to people who know her.

nimbuscloud · 01/07/2021 17:33

What age is she?

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/07/2021 17:36

Well if she's sent it to people she knows then they aren't strangers. She's 14.
I am fuming to think she's probably fucked her whole future up by doing something so stupid

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 01/07/2021 17:39

Well if she's sent it to people she knows then they aren't strangers.

Yes, but who have then sent it to? Just because she hasn’t sent a stranger an explicit photo doesn’t mean that stranger doesn’t have one of her. Once you send them you loose all control of them.

rosalie11 · 01/07/2021 17:39

As far as I know they do contact the school

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2021 17:45

Could it be some sort of virus that sends these things out to her contact list?

SoddingWeddings · 01/07/2021 17:55

What apps are on her phone?

Facebook Messenger, Kik, gaming, live streaming, anything with chat facility will be targeted by paedophiles to get children to send them indecent images.

Please have a look at www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/sexting-sending-nudes/ for more advice.

Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 18:02

I am fuming to think she's probably fucked her whole future up by doing something so stupid

Shes unlikely to share if you take this approach. Teenagers can be stupid, it's what they are meant to do, it's just unfortunate in this day and age clearing up the mess can be harder. Stay clear and calm

Luckypoppy · 01/07/2021 18:14

I'd be more fuming that she may have been manipulated into sending these images to others. The reasons behind it are important. And to check she hasn't been exploited.

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/07/2021 18:28

I have been calm and I'm not going to say that she's fucked her future up. I can say it on here so I don't say it to her.
I'm just really confused as to why she'd send something like that, or even when she had a chance to considering she shares a room with her sister, although I suppose she'd find a way if she wanted to.
I check her phone regularly and never saw anything worrying but now I'm furious with myself and am really scared about what will happen next.
Police? All my children being taken in to care? Criminal record for my daughter?

OP posts:
Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 18:44

Never let your boyfriend naked photos of you when you were in your teens? 😳🙄😖So glad that getting rid of the evidence in that day and age was as easy as burning the negatives and photos.

It seems like a good idea at the time. Of course it never is. And yes you can check phones as much as you like if a kid wants to hide something they will find a way. It isnt a failing in your parenting. Schools teach you to monitor your kids phone and internet use and it will all be ok. It's a pile of bollocks. The more you monitor the better they are at hiding it.

Ultimately all you can do is give your kids the understanding of why something is a problem, cross your fingers and be there to help pick up the pieces if they stuff up.

Police? All my children being taken in to care? Criminal record for my daughter?

Hopefully none of the above but it would help if she gave you details of what she had been sending so you can figure out together what (if anything) needs to be done. I would be telling her that if she gets out of it unscathed this time she may not be so lucky next
Hopefully

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/07/2021 18:56

She won't even admit she's done it. I've told her it will be better to tell me now and it will get found out but she is insisting she didn't do it, even though she must have done.

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 19:00

Calmly say you need to figure out what’s going on as it’s a very serious allegation. You support her and trust her and if there’s anything she wants to confess she needs to before evidence is produced. If it’s not her then has anyone used her phone? Any idea how it could have happened? Make it clear you’re not angry, you just want to work through what’s going on.

LIZS · 01/07/2021 19:04

It could have been a dare or being groomed, several may have exchanged similarly with strangers as part of a group, could they have used the school network? How old is she? Surely school have told you what you need to do re. Phone and speaking to her until she is questioned. If it a Safeguarding issue you should not be quizzing her yourself.

Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 19:05

If you've gone and talked through the problems morally, emotionally and legally there is not a lot more you can do.

I always end these chats with but ultimately the choice on what to do and the responsibility lies with you. As a parent I can only guide you the best possible actions, I cant make you do them.

Ultimately if she chooses not to talk, theres only a limited amount you can do to help.

Then leave them to stew. I find this can be very effective

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/07/2021 19:10

All they said is they want to check her phone on Monday as they can access hidden documents etc.
I have talked to her a few times but she just keeps denying it. I just want to know if she has done it.
I'm really scared about loosing my children or her going to prison.

OP posts:
Frazzledd · 01/07/2021 19:11

I'd suggest contacting a solicitor to get some legal advice and ask them to obtain all the information being passed between social/school regarding your daughter.

If there has been a mistake they'll find it, plus it protects you and your family before any further steps if not.

Try and speak to Dd OP and explain this is what you need to do and you can support her now if she opens up about anything that's caused this.

Caramellatteplease · 01/07/2021 19:14

I wouldn't jump to conclusions either way until you know some facts.

Sunseed · 01/07/2021 19:14

Did the school know for certain the call they received was genuine?

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