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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that dh is bu about facebook

22 replies

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 09:44

just joined facebook the other day because my sister is on load of people i went to school with and dh's friends keep on going on and on about how great it is

when i told dh he went mental about it practically demanded that i give him my log in details so he could see who my friends are...

i gave him these details even though knowing he was in the wrong as i do not have anything to hide, however he was all like who is this and how do you know him , i think i have all of about five male friends shree of which are actually his friends anyway

i have never and would never cheat on him and until now it hasn't actually crossed my mind

but lately he is always in a bad mood and the smallest thing pisse shim off, he is always shouting at me and the kids and i don't understand, have tried to talk to him about it and he's like well it's you has joined facebook to find someone else and leave me

pointed out that that's not why i joined at all and that i would delete any male friends if that would make him feel better but he said it didn;t matter and that he did trust me

tried to reason with him about his moods and he says that he's just stressed out lately and i said that he always seems to be in a bad mood these days and as his mum had a nervous breakdown that maybe he should go and see the doctor about it, but h flat out refused to go on "happy pills"

now he is trying to make out that everything is fine again, but it will only be about a week i reckon until we have this converssation again and i'm getting fed up about it all, the way he's acting make's me feel depressed i just can't win

OP posts:

lalalonglegs · 23/11/2007 09:57

Yes, he is being unreasonable, I expect he knows it as well but, from the sound of it, it's not about Facebook. You've got to get him to talk to you about what is causing this insecurity and jealousy.

rantinghousewife · 23/11/2007 09:59

He sounds like he is hurtling toward depression, he needs to see a dr really. You need to sit him down and make him realise that his behaviour is irritional and he needs to see a doc.

Original poster

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 10:01

can't honestly imagine i'm a sahm, i don't really have any friends i go out without him about twice a year

and i work ten hours a week with three other women and come straight home every night

OP posts:

casbie · 23/11/2007 10:42

hate to say this mustsleep, but is he the one having an affair?

his behaviour sounds mighty suspisious (sp?).

vitomum · 23/11/2007 10:51

agree with rantinghousewife about the possibility of depression. the fact that his mum had mental health problems though might make him less likley to go to doctor - the fear of turning into a parent can be overwhelming. you could try getting hime to face up to the fact that his mental health is maybe not great right now, but stress that this does NOT mean he is headed for a full on nervous breakdown like his mum, and he can do something to help himelself feel better.

pakchoi · 23/11/2007 11:02

He is being unreasonable, not you.

Original poster

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 11:09

casbie don't think thathe is having an affair becuase i dont know when he would have the time he is either at work or looking after the kids whilst i am at work

think depression is more likely although have been feeling quite low my self for a while, but think that's more to do with sitting at home all day with noone but the two year old to talk to

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 23/11/2007 11:09

Message withdrawn

bethoo · 23/11/2007 11:10

i agree with casbie i fear. when people have affairs they try and push the blaime onto the other to steer from their own guilt. be cautious. he should trust you, maybe you should not trust him?

hatwoman · 23/11/2007 11:19

perhaps something of both? perhaps he is depressed and is seeking/getting comfort of some sort through the internet. not an affair - but something and he is now scared you will either "invade" it or do something similar yourself. His reaction seems so unreasonable - why would he have a problem with you joining facebook if he didn;t have an idea in his mind about it? an idea that it could be something a wee bit more than might be strictly ok within a relationship? Whatever sounds like you need to talk. and talk. and talk. don't let it lie - he has behaved in a highly unreasonable way, he could be ill, you are not happy about the state of play of your relationship. you do need to sort this out.

CountessDracula · 23/11/2007 11:20

Does he have his own facebook site

FAcebook is nowt but trouble imo steer clear

rantinghousewife · 23/11/2007 11:23

Ime, depression sounds far more probable than an affair, if he's depressed he will behave irritionally, tiny things will be out of all proportion to someone who is depressed. Affair isn't the first thing that springs to mind when i read the OP.

Original poster

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 11:32

he didn't have his own facebook site but i have set him one uo to show him that it is harmless

he isn't doind anything on the internet because he doesn; t go on the computer becuase he is a bit of a technophobe

he isn;t having an affair because he has no opportunity to have one, and i'm not in denial or anything like that

i know that he isnlt cos when he goes to wotk his friend picks him up, he can;t have a break all day cos he is on price and we need x amount of money each day or we can't afford the mortgage

he comes straight home (trust me here becuase of the job he does he is in a disgusting state when he gets in) and then he looks after kids while i am at work and the n we go to bed

OP posts:

hatwoman · 23/11/2007 11:39

sounds like neither of you are having much fun at the moment. I know it's such common advice that it's almost trite but can you sort out a day trip (with or without kids), an evening out, a treat of some sort? if money's tight just somewhere that gets you out in the fresh air for a lovely long autumn walk and lots of shussling in the leaves and home to hot chocolate? are you so wrapped up in kids, work, the mortgage, trying to do your best by the family that you're both neglecting yourselves?

Original poster

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 11:45

dh suggested a day trip this morning, but i have sold the buggy on here and the one i bought off ebay is not going to come until sometime next week

i think you might be right i think he spends too much time worrying about money, where as i kee saying to him that things wont always be this tight

so his mum is coming tonight and w are off out for a meal

OP posts:

hatwoman · 23/11/2007 11:51

have a nice time tonight. remind yourselves what you like about each other's company. make future plans - things to look forward to. walk home huddled together against the cold.

rantinghousewife · 23/11/2007 11:52

Oh yes have a great time, enjoy your night out.

chocchipcookie · 23/11/2007 12:57

I would try to involve him a bit in Facebook.

So money is tight, he's working or looking after the kids, you hardly go out. Maybe he's worried that life is so hard you will leave.

I would give him extra reassurance and gently push the doctor idea. You could suggest he goes for a check-up - just to make the appt - then encourage him to talk about how he feels.

Original poster

mustsleep · 23/11/2007 12:59

he has said he will make an appt too, think he has been talking to people at work about it and they have said the same thing as me

OP posts:

dragonstitcher · 23/11/2007 20:22

My DH was unimpressed with me joining facebook. But he joined himself when he discovered that his son in New Zealand was on there. He hasn't really got a clue what to do with it.

He did get funny when he found me reading a message from a male ex work colleague. I had to show him said friends profile to prove to him that he was actually gay and no threat at all.

Like you, the thought of being unfaithful has never crossed my mind. Facebook and the net in general helps me feel less isolated. (Shy SAHM).

The one thing I would say about Facebook though is; don't accept any old tom, dick or harry as a friend; make sure you have your privacy settings set for friends only.

Blondilocks · 23/11/2007 21:25

There seems to have been a lot of stories about how "Facebook wrecked my relationship" sort of thing. & that can't help matters.

Think he is being totally unreasonable. If you had something to hide you wouldn't have told him or even told him the amount of details that you have.

DeathBySnooSnoo · 23/11/2007 21:41

i would also say depression is the cause of this.i was exactly the same myself towards my(now)dh throughout my pregnancy with dd3.he plays online games and nothing he said could convince me he wasnt on there to chat to/meet women.i constantly looked over his shoulder reading what he was saying and accusing him of flirting if he typed so much as LOL to a female player.

i am on AD's and having CBT now,things have been alot better the past few months.

i personally think facebook is harmless,but all i do on there is nosey at photos of other MNers' kids and do silly quizes.

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