To tell her to leave me alone?

[Quicknamechange55]

I've been trying to step away from a friendship for a few months. There are various reasons for this that aren't important to this thread but I've seen a side to her that I don't like and so want to step away.

The problem is that she won't leave me alone. I've been only responding to every 2 or 3 messages (she'll message every few days) and my responses are generally short and to the point, don't answer follow up questions.

If I just don't respond at all she will either message my husband or turn up at my door (generally at my son's nap time so she's knows I'm in) saying she's worried that I haven't responded. One time she turned up with with something claiming it was one of my kids and wanted to return it (it wasn't)

My problem is I'm not wanting to tell her I don't want to be get friend anymore (that sounds sad but you know what I mean) coz we are both part of a bigger friendship group and don't want things to be awkward when we all get together.

Anyone have any advice on what I can do? Aibu how can I end this friendship without it affecting my other friendships?

You need to be straight with her. You're trying to protect yourself from awkwardness but it's awkward now, so you need to pull on your big girl pants.

You definitely need to tell her that you don’t want to stay friends because avoiding her clearly doesn’t work

OP I think you'll have to either find a tactful way of telling her you're stepping back from the friendship or you'll have to keep responding with short blunt texts and hope that keeps her at bay.

She's clearly (probably deliberately) not taking the hint that you want to step back. She sounds very pushy.

I'd be very straight with her & tell her why. Something like...

"Dear friend, I need to let you know that I want you to stop contacting me as I'm not interested in pursuing a friendship with you any longer. I felt very uncomfortable when you did x,y,z & it's changed my view of you & our friendship, so for both our sakes we need to call it a day. I wish you the best of luck for the future, but I would be grateful if you would respect my boundaries, stop turning up at my door if I don't respond & I'd prefer no further contact from you."

Hopefully she might learn a valuable life lesson

It would be better to do what is advised above as it is honest and your 'friend' will know where she stands.
In reality though it isn't that easy to be so blunt, especially with a bullish person.
I would tell 'friend' that you would appreciate some space at the moment for personal reasons and then stop replying. If she comes to the door, get dh to say you are in the bath or something.

Yes you need to be more direct if she is coming to your house but she also sounds like she might have issues.

It's really cruel to do this to someone, who will no doubt be stressing about if you're ok, what she's done wrong, if you hate her etc. It can really mess with a persons head and self worth. You need to be straight with her

Are you able to provide anymore non-outing details regarding what she has done?? She obviously likes you and wants to be your friend and is wondering what’s going on and may have no idea what she’s done?

@myfuckingfreezer

It's really cruel to do this to someone, who will no doubt be stressing about if you're ok, what she's done wrong, if you hate her etc. It can really mess with a persons head and self worth. You need to be straight with her

This

Oh god what a nightmare. I was going to say just don't reply but she comes to your house. What pp said about being straight with her is probably best, but you could also try lying. Maybe say you are limiting your phone use, will be very busy during the day because you are studying/house project/etc. I would try to break her habit by being out or just not answering the door, disconnect your doorbell and lie down for a nap yourself when she's on her way over.

I also think it's unkind to just phase someone out when you've been close and they're still trying.

If you don't want to state the issues like PP suggests, could you say something like

'I'm really feeling the need to focus on family at the moment, so I'm afraid I don't have the chance to respond to texts and people who drop in. I'm going to take some time to reset, shall we pick up again in the autumn'?

That leaves the door open if you decide you miss her. If you still don't want to see her then you can be blunter.