WIBU to return birthday gifts?

[LargeFloweryBagLady]

My DP is hopeless with gifts, despite asking repeatedly for ideas. He does try hard, but it can quite often miss the mark - I usually don't say anything and am very appreciative (even if the item does just get put in a drawer).

I asked for a card wallet this year for small bags and putting in a jacket pocket etc, and received a hugely oversized flowery purse and a fold out ticket holder (I drive everywhere). I don't think either of these were particularly cheap but they have absolutely no use to me and will inevitably end up stashed in a drawer.

WIBU to ask him if I can return these (they are from the same retailer)? He can be a bit sensitive over things like that and feels like he has done a bad job etc, but it would mean I could get the item that I asked for..?

Will he have the receipt ? If so I’d ask for it.
In future send him screen shots of exactly what you want

I would just tell him they are lovely but don't quite meet your needs so you would like to change them. You are married to the man, surely you can be honest with him?

Go for it, and next time perhaps just find the specific item you want and tell him what to get you.

Yes ask. What a waste of money otherwise.

It was bought online and the packaging is all there so I would assume so, they don't offer free returns so I would have to pay for postage back which is annoying.

Yeah I think I will just have to deal with the inevitable sulk that follows, even being polite about it!

@DinosaurDiana

Will he have the receipt ? If so I’d ask for it. In future send him screen shots of exactly what you want

I tried that last Christmas as DH said he was struggling with ideas. I said here are some ideas (meaning pick one or two) and sent screenshots of things I liked. However, he interpreted my screen shots as, well, merely ideas and didn’t get any of them. He instead got what he thought were similar items, e.g. one of my screenshots was a cream cashmere scarf, he bought me a cotton navy scarf with pictures of the planets on. 😅

@Aprilx

Sounds all too familiar

Time to start having a Wish List either on Pinterest or Amazon or something. Only order something from the list.

I would definitely send them back! I don't get this issue at all with men - why sulk? My husband is delighted if i tell him exactly what I want! Maybe for christmas you should try getting him something off the mark and see how he reacts!

How hard is it really to buy a present?

Is he this useless in other areas or just this one?

I wouldn't send them back this year, if he's likely to get hurt. My husband would be hurt, it's not a sulk, he would just feel the rejection quite deeply and be disappointed. I'd tackle it head on next year, with a link to the exact one you want, or go shopping together.

If he tried hard and would be hurt I don't think I'd send them back this time. (Or at least not so close to the actual event, maybe in a month or so). If hejust bought the first thing he found on the website that vaguely met your description then yes I would return it.

Maybe next time could you ask for a voucher or be much much more specific?

God I HATE this and I think it’s totally unnecessary to pussy foot around such a glaring misstep and the sulking just makes it worse!

The waste for one this nd the inability to listen. Poor form.

DH did this at Christmas.

I asked for a small card holder (the kind of thing that would hold my ID card and my bank card and would go in a clutch bag on a night out) We have been together a long time. He knows the brands I buy from. He knows my taste - clean lines, understated.

He bought me a massive chunky wallet in a really bright colour, from a shop that I liked when I was teenage girl.

As he gave it to me, he said 'if it's not right, let me know' and we normally have a really open, easy going relationship so once I'd opened it, I said 'oh, it's not quite what I have in mind, if you don't mind, I'll change it' (in my head I was thinking 'wtf, why did you buy me this?')

He was REALLY offended, and still talks about it to this day in a semi-jokey, semi-serious way!

Is it possible he didn't know the difference between a cardholder and a purse?

I'd potentially start a wishlist with links to what you actually, give him less wiggle room to go wrong.

And this is why I use amazon wishlist. I always make sure there's enough on it, at a good range of prices, so he can pick and I still don't know exactly what is getting. But everything on it is right!

Amazon (or other) wish list.

Add things to it throughout the year, then direct your OH to the list for Birthday/Christmas gifts and make sure they understand that they need to pick from that list!! Some people (men and women - this isn’t a sex-based thing) just aren’t that great at gifts, and/or they don’t understand that one purse/wallet is not like another!

I’d gently say that you appreciate the thought but you need to return it because otherwise it won’t be used and it’s a waste of money.

P.S. Aspinal of London have got a lovely selection of purses/wallets in their sale:

Small Leather Goods

Thanks all, some good advice.

Think I will gently suggest returning. The weird flip out ticket holder was in place of the card holder I think, definitely an amazon wish list will save us both the hassle in future. I just loathe the waste of hanging onto things until they go to the charity shop two years down the line!

@Ninkanink thanks for the suggestion! They are lovely and definitely up my street.

In the same boat op. Parcel came yesterday for dh (it's my bday very soon), the label stated the contents... Think jewellery item in the theme of your favourite films(I am not 7).. In a gold colour I have never owned... He will be upset not sulky if I say anything...

No problem! They are beautiful quality, really well made and well worth it at sale prices. I’m waiting on a parcel due to arrive tomorrow! 😊😊

Oh god - help him out by being specific. Give him a long list of things you actually would like to have at various prices. Poor guy.