AIBU or is he a lazy, inconsiderate fucker?

[PinkyU]

We’re sitting the other evening and OH asks for help printing and email off of his phone. I oblige. It’s a returns label. It was a faff. OH then says he’s doing it for a complete stranger through his work (he delivers shit, not literal). So he has to print the label, package the item, PAY for the fucking postage AND send it.

Yet, I’ve been waiting a week and a half, ended up having to mess someone else around, to go and pick up a gumtree item for our DD’s bedroom.

I don’t even know how to describe this behaviour - thoughtless, selfish?? What the fuck is he doing?

So AIBU to have spoken to him about it, to then be told that I’m being “ludicrous” and “behaving like an idiot”, then when I’ve stomped (yep, not my finest adult moment) to our bedroom to disengage he’s only come and told I can come apologise “when I’ve calmed down”.

I’m justified in in being pissed of, am I not?!

I don’t understand. Is this a complete stranger to you but not to him?

Why is he helping out a complete stranger?

I can’t tell, I don’t understand the story or the two stories, not sure how printing a label and picking up a gumtree item are related or make anyone selfish.

So are you saying he offered to help a stranger which you ended up sorting and meanwhile he has refused to help you with another job? If so a bit annoying but not really a deal breaker.

Are the parcel he’s posting and the gumtree collection separate things? So he’s willing to help a stranger but not help you collect things for DD?

No, this is a complete stranger to both of us. They came into OHs work place to do a return, they didn’t understand what to do (English as a second language) and OH took it upon himself to have her email his personal email with the returns info so he could do all of the above - for a stranger!!!

Yet I ask for a lift to buy something for our daughter and I’m waiting a week and a half.

It's annoying, but I can see how printing something from home is less of an effort than leaving the house to pick up something.

It's a bit mean not to help you out quicker.

@Choice4567 that’s it exactly.

He went out of his way (literally to post the item) to help a complete stranger but will not accommodate me when I ask for help.

@kindaclassy he printed the label, packaged the item, PAYED to post it and took it to be posted.

YANBU and I dont buy his story

Does sound like his priorities are a bit skewed. No harm helping a stranger (though paying for it and then sending it seems a bit extreme for someone you don't even know) but he should have sorted you out first.

Yes we need more detail! Why would anyone do that? Even if it's his work colleague, it's still weird!

It is fucking weird!!

This was a random customer/total stranger not a colleague or anyone he even remotely knows.

@kindaclassy

It's annoying, but I can see how printing something from home is less of an effort than leaving the house to pick up something.

It's a bit mean not to help you out quicker.

Well yeah, of course it is when you then go and delegate it to your partner!

YANBU. Reminds me of when I was heavily pregnant with twins and DH offered his services to help tile a friends kitchen. Was still waiting for ours to be tiled so I pointed it out to him he was welcome to assist but our home needed to come first!

He did actually do ours first though in the end

What a moron! Does he even know what he is posting??? Men are getting thicker with every football match they watch!

So I’m apparently pathetic and petty about him helping someone.

I wish I could properly articulate how I’m feeling and what the above behaviour shows, selfish isn’t quite it, but I’m not even sure it’s me who’s the issue in understanding.

Would he have been so keen to help if the stranger was a man?

@WildfirePonie tbh I’m not even bothered by that, it’s just the whole thing of me feeling that when I ask for help I’m left feeling like an imposition or he’ll just flat out refuse, yet a complete stranger doesn’t even need to ask and he’ll bend over backwards to offer.

I asked him earlier this week to drive me 10 minutes to the next town to pick up a blazer for our dd as we’ve recently moved and money is tight, and he just straight up said no. Not, I’ll buy it new or let’s discuss money for it, just “no”.

I don’t drive for health reasons.

I know some people love the feeling of being ‘kind and generous’ to other people but treat their own family like crap.
YTNBU

It would make me feel like I am lesser than a stranger to him.
Because he is happy to go out of his way for a stranger but not for his own family.

(Also happy to actually enrol you to do half of the job for him because he said he was going to do something he couldn't actually do….)

@CastawayQueen

I know some people love the feeling of being ‘kind and generous’ to other people but treat their own family like crap. YTNBU

Bingo. I knew someone like that. It made his nasty behaviour to his family even harder for them to stomach, because everyone else thought he was lovely.

@PinkyU He’s being completely unreasonable about the blazer. I hope he doesn’t do this all the time.

My DH once spent like three hours driving one of the neighbours round town looking at televisions then bringing one back in his car. They are from Bangladesh and were a bit clueless and had no transport and bad English. We barely knew them but their kids were in my lads' classes. His wife wordlessly gave me a chilli plant. So lovely. I was annoyed a bit at the time but now I am pleased he is that type of person.

It would annoy me yes. Being much more helpful to a strange than his own family, but only if it was a pattern.

I think it’s that when I ask him to do something (beyond picking up milk on the way home) he huffs and puffs and shows demonstrably that it is an imposition and inconvenience to him but anyone else gets the gold standard treatment.