My eldest daughter turns 20 soon. She has misophonia (properly diagnosed!) and autism. It was CAHMS who gave her the diagnosis, which they were in two minds about (as fairly mild) but then they proceeded as she'd get support at university. So she has high functioning autism.
We are due to go on a caravan break in a few days' time, with family members. This was booked to celebrate the 'big birthday' of a much loved family member. At the time of booking I checked with my daughter that she was happy to come, and she said she was. So I booked a 3 bedroom caravan for she and I and her two siblings. Due to her misophonia, she would never be able to share a room. All good.
Now that the time is drawing much nearer, she is starting to freak out about it. Instead of coming for the 4 nights originally booked, we agreed she'd come for 2 nights. Now she wants to back out of that and not come at all.
I won't lie, I am disappointed. I have always been massively supportive of her, and her biggest advocate. I adore her, she's wonderful. But she's freaking out about thin bedroom walls and hearing snoring sounds, eating out with others and 'eating' noises, being with family members all day - though I have explained that we can do our own thing too. She is working herself up about it completely.
It disappoints me that she won't try it for one night, to celebrate with a family member who has given so much to us all. That she can't change her mindset and get out of her comfort zone for once. The only reason she is awkward around family is because she rarely leaves her room.
I'm sad because this will be our only holiday this year, and because just for once, it would be nice if it could be normal and plain sailing. Pissed off because she won't meet me halfway on this. Embarrassed because I don't know how the fuck I'm going to explain her absence.
Am I putting too much on her?