AIBU to not go to DH friends bbq?

[ForeverAintEnough3]

Context is we’ve been TTC for 4 years, I’ve put on a ton of weight after 3 failed rounds of IVF & comfort eating etc. I went from a size 10 to squeezing into a size 14 and it’s all on my belly. I actually look pregnant. I’m so self conscious to go to this bbq. I think they’ll all think I’m pregnant. I know I’ll be squashed into my clothes. It’s honestly soul destroying when people think you’re pregnant and you’re not and might never be. Two things make it worse. One is that 3 of the wives invited are tiny - size 8 and have had 2-3 children each so I’m humongous and I’ve never even had a baby so I’ve no excuse. None of them have seen me this heavy before and I’m ashamed of myself. Then the 4th wife we think is going to announce their pregnancy at the bbq. She wasn’t drinking and looking not as slim as usual when we last met them.

On the other side I really like all these people. They’re really nice and I know DH wants me to go and I don’t want to let him down and send him on his own.

I can’t figure out if I’m totally over reacting and it might be fine. I just feel so uncomfortable in my body and myself and the potential pregnancy announcement in front of everyone. Obviously I’d be very happy with them - they’re lovely. But I would hate to let my own upset that it’s never me show on my face in front of everyone.

I can’t decide if I’m being silly not to go. DH has said it’s up to me and he understands if I don’t go. Which just makes me feel worse abandoning him to it

First off ..buy yourself some nice clothes, of the right size - nobody feels nice squeezing themselves into anything.
From what you have written your friends won’t judge the way you look, they sound like nice people. I also don’t think they would judge you if you got upset - however, if it would really spoil your evening, stay home.
Do you know the 4th wife ? Could you ask her before Saturday, explain the situation … she might might not even announce a pregnancy (she might have just put weight on)

Don't put yourself through the stress of it. Sack it off!

And treat yourself to some nice clothes that make you feel good. You deserve to feel comfortable.

Do these people know you've been ttc?

I would be inclined not to go. After 4 years ttc I would be devastated at a group pregnancy announcement. I would hope they would be more sensitive if they know your situation though. If they don't it might be worth your dh being honest with them to avoid situations like this in the future.

I ageee about buying yourself some nice new clothes.

Thanks all for your responses. I’m glad it’s not totally unreasonable to not go. I will take your advice and just go buy some new clothes and probably need new bra fitting too. Maybe if I didn’t feel so uncomfortable all the time I might feel more like going. But it is the potential pregnancy announcement that I’m afraid of. I don’t know her well enough to ask - they actually hadn’t even met when we started to TTC 🙈 and with covid hadn’t got much of a chance to know her. Her husband does know we’re doing IVF but unfortunately if you Google how to tell people who are struggling it often says to do it face to face (worst advice ever) so we are worried that’s what they will do and tell everyone together at the bbq.