Feeling like I don’t want to be here anymore

[sadparenting]

Just that, really. I feel really upset today and feel useless.

My mum has told me that she doesn’t agree with my parenting and that I’m parenting wrong. She doesn’t agree with our routine and told me to remember ‘people are watching’.

My one year old has been screaming non stop with her the past few weeks, but today was happy. She said that he had been screaming because of me.

I have PND and I just feel like the worst mum in the world.

Sorry, I just don’t have anywhere else to talk

Don’t be sorry, it’s good to start a thread when you are feeling low.

Do you live with your mum?
Who else do you have for support?

No, I don’t live with my mum. I have my partner, and we live together. I’m a working mum and she told me I shouldn’t be working and should be on universal credit (which I was for a while)

It is absolutely not you, your mum is being really unkind. I’m a DM and a DGM and no way would I say anything so unsupportive to my DD or DS.

You are not parenting ‘wrong’, and it matters not one bit if your mum doesn’t agree with your parenting - it’s got nothing to do with her.

Maybe cut down on seeing her so much if she is going to be so negative. Have you got a DP/other family?

Have you spoken to a GP about your PND?

Sending you a big hug

Couldn’t read and run. OP, if you feel like it’s all too much please get help IRL right now, even if that’s taking yourself to the nearest hospital. Please give the GP a call tomorrow if it can wait until then - are they aware of your PND? Do you have any friends or other family nearby to talk to?

Your mum sounds like an absolute charlatan. Is she always such a critical, condescending cow? Does she provide formal childcare for DS?

People are watching, thinking what an epically spectacular thing you have done raising a baby, during a pandemic, with a mental health diagnosis. Give yourself a massive pat on the back and tell your mother to do one would be my advice.

Please look after yourself

Your mum sounds quite nasty

Does your mum do childcare for your baby? I’d be thinking about making alternative arrangements if so. She sounds deeply unpleasant and undermining.

Your mum sounds like a nutter.

Ignore her.

Babies are very very very tough incidentally.

They don't have reflux/an intolerance?

Have you got a carrier, they're usually settled in those.

Your mother is being really put of line. You have your parenting style and she has hers.

Constructive criticism from mothers is helpful, but criticism and saying you’re not doing it right isn’t good.

If you can take a break from her for a few days then do it. Please don’t feel bad. I know it can be hard feeling like you’re being judged by your own mother, but it’s her problem not yours. She also doesn’t know everything and you don’t have to listen to her criticise you.

I hope you have some nice quiet time for yourself this weekend or week and to just be away from this.

It's horrid when you feel that low.

My Mum is wrong and has been unkind. Babies/toddlers scream and go through periods of being difficult.

If you are happier working than not working then that is the right thing for you.

Please go and talk to your health visitor about how you're feeling and PND , that DMs comments aren't helping

Talk to your DP

Are there any 'down to earth' postnatal/toddler groups that HV can recommend may start up soon ? I appreciate it's been COVID times but this is the usual support that you're not getting as the missing COVID years (don't stay in a competitive mum one)

Your mum may mean well and not quite be 'saying it how you're hearing it' ; or she may be saying it exactly how you repeat it which is undermining you and ofc will add to your low self esteem.

@sadparenting

Just that, really. I feel really upset today and feel useless.

My mum has told me that she doesn’t agree with my parenting and that I’m parenting wrong. She doesn’t agree with our routine and told me to remember ‘people are watching’.

My one year old has been screaming non stop with her the past few weeks, but today was happy. She said that he had been screaming because of me.

I have PND and I just feel like the worst mum in the world.

Sorry, I just don’t have anywhere else to talk

@sadparenting that's a horrible way to feel. Mums can be wonderful but can also hurt us like no-one else can. My advice would be to seek counselling and learn how she has affected you.

Please remember that how you feel is not your fault and "not being here any more" would not fix anything.

If your mum treats you like this, I imagine she has done this your whole life. And you will probably you have some long-term effects of this on your confidence and sense of self. This isn't your fault and it doesn't have to be that way: with help and therapy you can heal from this and learn to embrace yourself.

1. First, I'm sending you a big hug and the reassurance that things will get better and you will be ok.

1. Next, you can call Samaritans at 116123 for free 24/7. They are amazing and can help you with how you feel.

1. In the morning, call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Share how you have been feeling and that you would like some help to address your relationship issues with your mum which you think might be contributing to your PND. Ask for an urgent referral to counselling. Make sure you tell the GP you've been feeling like you don't want to be here anymore so they can refer you to the appropriate Tier of service.

Hang on in there xxx

He could be screaming because of anything really.

You've done well to have a steady job and a partner to be honest, being raised by someone like her; she sounds the sort who could her unfortunate kids serious issues.

What are you up to @sadparenting? You could always make yourself a cuppa and watch this thread?

I think if you told your mum to shut up, your problems might get better.
Just grey rock her, completely ignore her spiteful shitty comments. Tell her if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
If your at her house, leave the moment she starts, if she's at yours, start to usher her out the door with any excuse you have, nap time, work call, meeting a friend, whatever but start doing it.

You're

Did not want to read and run! You are not alone. Being a mother of a young child is very difficult and many mothers often feel guilty and that they are not “good enough “ at being a mother. I believe that if you think that, it probably means you are a good mother! And who can possibly judge whether someone is a good mother or not? You are the ONLY mother your child will ever have and so you have a unique relationship with your child, even if they cry sometimes ( and many children cry a lot; and sometimes for no apparent reason!)

Perhaps you should tell her that you don't agree with her parenting and doesn't she know she should be supportive of her children and their choices even if they are different from the ones she would make. Well done you for working, you should be proud!! It sounds like she was just looking for some one else to blame for your lo crying when with her and you were an easy target. Perhaps it's time to take a small (or large) step back from her if she is damaging your MH.

You don’t sound like you or your baby are the problem op. You have a mother problem. Has she always been this nasty. 🍷💐

Are you okay OP? Returning to work is hard, one year olds are hard (mine wriggled, jiggled and bit me three times before settling down 5 minutes ago!)

Great advice here, do speak to your gp, never be too proud to ask for help or just an ear.

As for people watching. They'll be seeing a parent trying to provide and juggle being a parent. We all have days being better or worse at doing that. As long as you've covered the basics and everyone has gone to bed fed, vaguely clean, you're winning. Tantrums happen either way.

Tomorrow is another day and we just try and do our best. No one gets it right all the time and it's unfair of your mother to judge you when you're doing your best. It's ok to say it's tough and it's hard, it's ok to have a rubbish day, I applaud your honesty starting this post. Take care.

I’d try going very LC with “D”M for a month and would put money in your MH improving dramatically.

Is your DH supportive? Do you have other RL support?

Your Mother is the problem here.

One year olds are hard work, you are doing an amazing job OP

Omg babies/toddlers push you to the limit. I have been literally on the brink on many occasions through lack of sleep, whinging, teething the lot.
You absolutely are not doing anything wrong! These pesky little ones are designed to use whatever power they have to draw attention to them as they are unable to communicate their problems..
As for your mother she needs to keep her mouth firmly shut unless she has something supportive to say..
Keep talking and seek help from supportive people who listen, understand and can provide reassurance at this stage.