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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop all comms with Ex-H

11 replies

tiredofthisshit21 · 29/06/2021 18:02

Loooong back story but I will try and keep it short. Have been divorced for 10 years, one daughter who turns 18 this week. Ex was abusive and controlling and it took me a long time after I left him to fully break away as he continued to try and control me, including my finances. One example was him trying to tell me what I should do with my house when I remarried.

DD has gone no contact with him for a number of reasons. He treated her like a child and also tried to control her. Told her he was 'disappointed in her' for not wanting to keep to agreed contact days when she got older. Tried to dictate university choices and courses. She saw him briefly recently and I think he has seen that as an 'in' to get back in her life.

School have just released some marks which will go towards A level grades. They're lower than was expected of her, main reason being I had to get her some counseling to get her to break away from her dad's controlling ways. School know about this.

So this morning I get an email from ex (have blocked all other means of comms) saying 'oh I think she's going to be disappointed with her grades - what we can do about it and what can we do to support her?' I'm like WTF, you've hardly been supporting her for the last 12 months so why are you suddenly concerned?

AIBU to tell him to do one and that I don't ever want to communicate with him again given our daughter is now an adult?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 29/06/2021 18:04

Just ignore him dont even give him head space inbox space or anything she is 18 year old adult

Discuss her options with her focus on her

Hankunamatata · 29/06/2021 18:10

Delete and block

MzHz · 29/06/2021 18:13

Honestly just block him and leave him to it.

You know he’s a dick, thankfully DD knows he’s a dick

And WE all know now he’s a dick.

I did this with my ex. Thought about tearing him to pieces but then thought about it and realised that’s what he wants, attention

He’s not going entitled to any of your respect or time

ChargingBuck · 29/06/2021 18:13

Hey Tiredof, is some of your thinking still all tainted with shades of "should" & "ought" concerning your ex? A byproduct of all those years of conditioning & coercion?

He doesn't give a shit about you, & probably DD's grades or her feelings about them. What he gives a shit about is continuing his campaign of controlling you via any means available.

DD has wisely gone NC. So can you.
Neither of you need his input about your house, her university, her results & CERTAINLY not her feelings.

YANBU!!!!

Tell him to do one if it will give you some catharsis.
But long experience has taught me that the most irritating response to manipulators & abusers is NONE.
They can't bear it. How very dare you not respond to their dog-whistle?!

Block the fucker.
& congratulations for escaping him in the first place, & to DD for her great good sense in avoiding him, & committing to her educational career.
Flowers Gin

tiredofthisshit21 · 29/06/2021 18:36

Oh completely @ChargingBuck. If I ignore, I then get a follow up email asking why I'm being so rude, or why am I determined to cause an argument?! It takes all of my will power not to tell him he's an utter cunt, but I will not rise to it. He is not worth my time.

OP posts:
CrazylazyJane · 29/06/2021 18:37

YANBU.

Cut and run with absolutely no guilt.

VettiyaIruken · 29/06/2021 18:39

I'd email saying our daughter is an adult. There is no need for us to communicate now she is no longer a minor.

Or you could go with The day she turned 18 I cracked open the bubbly because I can finally tell you to fuck off. Don't contact me again. 😁

ChargingBuck · 29/06/2021 18:51

@tiredofthisshit21

Oh completely *@ChargingBuck*. If I ignore, I then get a follow up email asking why I'm being so rude, or why am I determined to cause an argument?! It takes all of my will power not to tell him he's an utter cunt, but I will not rise to it. He is not worth my time.
ha ha well done Tiredof.

And you no longer need to receive email from him, so he can get fucked blocked on that too. So no follow ups for you to even see, let alone deal with.

Loving his entitlement with his rude/argument comments. It's all about the control. His every interaction with you will be a power play. Disengage!!!

FrankieDettol · 29/06/2021 20:35

Sounds like we share an ex OP!

Seriously though, definitely ignore. You know he's looking for a reaction so don't give him it

Xmassprout · 29/06/2021 20:37

I would ignore any emails he sends to you. Can you send his email straight to your junk folder?

tiredofthisshit21 · 29/06/2021 20:55

@Xmassprout

I would ignore any emails he sends to you. Can you send his email straight to your junk folder?
Yeah....will mark as spam in future I think. What makes me laugh is that he's genuinely confused about why I don't want to maintain a relationship with him. He thinks he was husband and dad of the year. Totally deluded.
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