Best friend and the affair

[PesterLauder]

My best friend is having an affair with a married man.
BF is single.
I don’t know the wife of the married man personally, but I do know who she is.
BF claims she’s in love and they are making plans to be together, whilst he goes home to his wife. They manage to see each other a couple of times a week as he works ‘away’ a lot.
It’s an age old problem, I know it happens so much. She talks about him non stop and is totally obsessed. I don’t know what to say to her anymore - he’s clearly a first class shit who she knows has done this before.
I’ve tried to distance myself from her but she’s my BF of over 15 years. She’s a middle aged grown woman. WWYD?

P.S. all children involved are grown up.

What can you do? Tell her you don’t approve of her dating a married man and you don’t want to be part of any conversation about him. That’s probably about it. You can’t make her stop seeing him and nothing you say will make her break it off.

You can tell her what you think of it but if she listens or not is a different story.
Tell her your opinion but really it's her life if she chooses to be with a fuck wit that's her problem not yours.
I wouldn't get involved in conversation about it tbh

She's your friend first. What she does is not really your concern. I would say to be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on because things like this always end in tears

I'd be tempted to stay out of it and say you don't know to know.

However as you're a good friend of hers, I'd remind her of the old adage of Win by the Sword, Die by the Sword and that really she is very likely to be the one to get hurt here. The chances of him leaving his wife are slim. Anticipating what other posters might say, I would certainly not be branding her a homewrecker. Your friend is single and morals aside, is doing nothing wrong. The married man is the one committing adultery. He sounds like an asshole. Why would your friend want to be with someone who treats others the way he is treating his wife?

It’s not that I don’t want her to talk about it at all, but constantly is a bit much. She takes selfies the whole time to send to him. It’s just a bit dull.

I stopped being friends with someone who did this. We were best friends from school and were close but in our early 20s she started seeing a married man almost twice our age, he had a young daughter too and he was her boss. She was like your friend, totally besotted and obsessed with him and fantasised about their life together. She disregarded his wife because he’d fed her the standard bollocks about it being a sexless marriage and he didn’t find her attractive anymore. To my surprise he did leave his wife after maybe a year or so and they’re still together now. Stopped being friends with her at this point, I just felt too bad for his wife and child.

'morals aside, she's doing nothing wrong'. Is that the bar now then? Unless something is illegal we can be as self centred and unpleasant as we like and shouldn't expect our oldest friends or family to say anything or have an opinion? I'm not one for the sisterhood.. The ow doesn't owe the wife loyalty if she doesn't know her, but as a decent human being, a member of civilised society, it would be better to respect the bounds of anyone's marriage, surely. OP, all you can do is tell her how you feel, that you don't want to be a party to it and wait for the drama to unfold, which it will, one way or another.

My best friend was in the same situation. I told her it was wrong and to stop, she didn't so I told the wife.
We are no longer friends and I couldn't care less. If you can do that to another woman, I wouldn't want you in my life.
I don't regret it for a second.

Us women have so much shit to deal with in this world without being sly and sneaky to each other. I don't respect anyone that acts like that.

Tell her to grow up and leave that woman’s husband alone. Once you have done that don’t get involved any further as the man or his wife don’t need more people sticking their nose (or any other body part) into their relationship.

This is the kind of thing that would change how I view someone. You could tell her you're uncomfortable with the situation and would rather not hear about him, but she's shown that she's essentially selfish and immature, behaving like a teen in the throes of her first passion, so she'll probably find it difficult to stop talking about him, if she even agrees to try.

If things end badly, she'll probably expect you to comfort her and pretend she's completely innocent and could never have seen this coming. If things go well between them, even for a short time, you'll be expected to validate their relationship. It would be unreasonable to ask someone to never mention their partner, after all.

It comes down to how much of her obsession you can endure and whether you can still respect her and enjoy her friendship after this display of her true nature.

@PesterLauder

It’s not that I don’t want her to talk about it at all, but constantly is a bit much. She takes selfies the whole time to send to him. It’s just a bit dull.

I think I’d give her a swerve for that alone as it sounds so boring to hang out with her.

It’s not that I don’t want her to talk about it at all, but constantly is a bit much. She takes selfies the whole time to send to him. It’s just a bit dull.

I wouldn't want to hang out with someone who took selfies the whole time to send to their actual partner, how boring and teenage!

Nothing. Dont get involved