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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to spend a few hours with his ex in laws?

22 replies

Ohshittt · 29/06/2021 16:17

DH has a 10 year old child with his ex wife, lovely kid. We have him every weekend, I get on great with him. Have had some issues with his mum and her new husband over the years but seems to be settling down now. He was bought an experience day for Christmas from his maternal grandparents but with covid this hasn't been able to happen as yet but is now booked for next Sunday. We are dropping him at the venue after DH contact time, grandparents have said we can stay and watch. DH is keen that's fair enough and it's nice that he wants too! He suggested we both go, I said why on earth would I want to spend most of the day with the ex in laws on my only day off that week especially after the trouble his ex has caused over the years. I have clearly upset him and feel bad but AIBU? I have made it clear if he wants to go then that's lovely (I may even get the house to myself for the afternoon, once in a blue moon luxury!)

OP posts:
alwayswrighty · 29/06/2021 16:20

I don't think yabu. Personally I'd be planning my chilled afternoon. I also work 6 days a week normally and I really wouldn't want to be doing this in my only free time.

PurpleyBlue · 29/06/2021 16:21

Yeah I wouldn't want to do that

Summerdayshaze · 29/06/2021 16:24

Yanbu at all.

MindyStClaire · 29/06/2021 16:26

I was expecting to vote YABU for the sake of family harmony, but definitely YANBU - DC will have a parent and two grandparents. The house to yourself! Such luxury. Cling to it!

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 29/06/2021 16:26

Meh makes sense DH wants to go, depending on how you feel about step son might be fun for you to watch or might not. The in law's wouldn't bother me as presumably they'll just be watching SDS. That said an afternoon off is precious and I might want to have the time to myself.

EllaMayGrace · 29/06/2021 16:29

YANBU. Two grandparents and Dad will be there. No need for you to be there as well (if you don’t want to, that is).

motogogo · 29/06/2021 16:29

It's one afternoon, if you want time to yourself fair enough but I would just go. My ex sil visits me, can't see the problem, she's a friend

Wrotten · 29/06/2021 16:29

I wouldn't want to do this with my actual in-laws.

Not unreasonable.

Backhills · 29/06/2021 16:31

Was he expecting you to be excited about seeing the event, rather than thinking about the IL element?

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but maybe understand if it feels like a snub to his son.

Hankunamatata · 29/06/2021 16:34

Isn't this about watching dss enjoying the experience? Is you don't want to go then don't but it was nice of dh to include u

Toilenstripes · 29/06/2021 16:35

I wouldn’t want to but I’d do it to be supportive.

canigooutyet · 29/06/2021 16:36

ugh forced small talk with people you don't know with no buffers like you would have at a party.

If I was made to go, the dh would be made to do something he doesn't want to on a precious day off. Childish possibly but meh.

Don't ask me to go somewhere when you have no intention of giving me a choice. I'm not your child to be told I am going here, there and everything. I have said I am not interested so why are we still talking about it. Does no mean nothing to you?

PurpleyBlue · 29/06/2021 16:38

It's not exactly a fun thing to do, watching someone else have a whole day's experience while you stand there with his ex's parents trying to make conversation/not give the ex wife ammunition.

IncyWincy21 · 29/06/2021 16:51

YANBU
Enjoy your afternoon to yourself

Muchasgracias · 29/06/2021 16:52

YANBU to not want to go but I think YABU in how you have expressed this. A simple no, because it’s precious time off would have been sufficient. To have suggested you shouldn’t spend time with the maternal grandparents because of their daughters past behaviour is petty and I’d be annoyed by your attitude. Perhaps apologise to your DH for being tactless and that the real (sensible) reason you don’t want to go is to enjoy a bit of relaxing time to yourself.

Tigertealeaves · 29/06/2021 17:22

I would not be up for this either. Your DH is unreasonable if he is expecting that you must want to go. It is your time off.

If you think his hurt is more about comments re: ex, you could always revisit it and make it more about needing the down time.

Peace43 · 29/06/2021 17:24

I wouldn’t want to do this either. Surely DH can go alone?

Onairjunkie · 29/06/2021 17:37

God no, don’t go. Ugh.

Feedingthebirds1 · 29/06/2021 17:39

Maybe the ex in laws aren't what he's thinking about. You say that his DS is lovely, that you get on well, so I suspect DH is just coming at this from the point of view that it would be a nice thing to do as a family (you, him and DS) and that you'd like to see DS enjoying his activity. Bonding if you like. That the ILs will be there too is just one of those things.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 29/06/2021 17:42

Does he want the exils to see him in a happy new marriage?
Yanbu to stay home/have a day to yourself..

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2021 17:47

Have you asked why on Earth you’d want to?

If he’s worried about spending time with his ex in laws he can decline. Dragging you along as a human shield is ridiculous.

You’re the boss of your free time, tell him no and don’t entertain any whinging.

As for him potentially feeling his child is being snubbed Hmm

If this activity isn’t involving enough that SS will be sadly wondering why his step mum, who he spends every weekend with, isn’t standing there watching him it’s not that good an activity. Parents find these things boring, no obligation on step parents to pretend they’ll enjoy them.

QueenBee52 · 29/06/2021 17:52

Hell NOPE 🤣

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