Whiny husband

[RainbowRainbowSheep]

Hi all,

I just really needed to get this off my chest and tell me if I am being unreasonable.

DH has been off work due to furlough and we have been lucky enough to be looking after our baby together. However, LO isn't much of a fan of him for some odd reason. Just doesn't like it when he holds her, no way for him to put her to sleep and she would cry and cry and scream until she would be sick. Odd occasion, she's okay with it all. If she's tired or anything, there's no way she would let him hold her. I think this makes it very hard for him as he feels unloved and rejected. There's other aspects in life that he's worrying about like money but it's not like we are struggling, he just wants more and feel like he needs to ensure our future is secure which I get. But I do feel like this gets in the way if the present as he is constantly stressing about it that so whenever I see him, he's always huffing and puffing. I get up very early as LO wakes up around six but DH sleeps in. He always tells me to wake him up but it takes him time to wake up and when he does, he just looks miserable and it makes me not want to ask. It gets to me as I feel like, shouldn't he be more proactive? I know this all sound very trivial but it really upsets me and he doesn't get why.

Whenever LO gets upset, he says it like, why she like this etc etc and in a way, makes me think that he regrets having a baby although he days he's happy but his face just doesn't show it. He says that he just can't wait until she's toddler age where they can interact and at the moment, he feels like he doesn't get anything back from her. I get that some people just don't love this stage and it is really tough, but his constant negativity really brings me down.

Another thing is, he's not a very organised so when he says lets go out but he doesn't get her ready, and he doesn't get ready until we need to head out so we are late to things or we are eating into her nap time. He says that I'm crazy and make it out like I'm being really uptight which I know I am about her nap times because when we do miss her nap window, she gets more cranky and wakes a lot throughout the night.

He basically says I don't appreciate him and that I'm being unreasonable whenever I talk to him about things. I just feel like I can't do anything right, I want to talk to someone but worried people might dislike him for it. I want to cry a lot about it all.

First off,you sound like a great Mom! I think parenting an infant takes practice and if your husband does so little interaction with her it's a vicious cycle. If he really has such little hands on tasks with her then he's gotta learn to pack her bag-its not rocket science! If you're out and he hasn't packed something essential then he figures out how to obtain the item or he goes back home! Does he do chores at home? Cook, clean,etc? A lot of people find children out of baby stage easier to deal with but tbh the challenges will change with each stage vs totally disappearing. As for his negative attitude I would speak to him and tell him this isn't what you envision life to be and you don't feel supported. You must feel like a single Mom!

Firstly it is really hard for him if your dc doesn't seem to like him and that does hurt a lot and perhaps makes him less likely to want to get involved in her care so I do feel for him about that. The other stuff he is doing is quite bad though and he can't put it all on you. Some people are more organised and some more laid back though. I must admit I just let my dd nap whenever and take things as they come and that worked for me. I understand it's difficult when you feel he is leaving too much to you and being whiney is not very attractive but I would cut him a little slack and try to have a good talk about making life easier for both of you. When dc is a little older and he is back to work things might improve.

It is hard for him, but you have to step back and let him do things. Let him be late, let him be out when she wants her nap (what's the worst that can happen? she falls asleep while you're out?) and so on.

If you're a hoverer, or he feels you're a hoverer, it doesn't help his confidence.

Hi all
Thanks for replying. Feel better after reading your messages. He does the cooking and groceries shopping but that's about it. Cuts the grass when needed and does administrative tasks. He takes ages to do grocery shopping though, could be out for like three hours.

I've tried to let them get on with it by going out for the evening and LO cried until she vomited, refused her milk and cried herself to sleep and was still sobbing in her sleep.

I do feel like a single mum sometimes and when he is here, it makes me feel like it's me and baby and then another person there. Like a family with a lodger tbh. Last time we talked about it, he said he didn't see any problems and doesn't see why I see anything wrong.