To be shook up. Am I being irrational!

[KB921]

Warning - potential trigger warning.

Back story. When I was 17/18 I dated this guy. We didn't last long but I was besotted. No issue with him directly.

A month before I met said guy he had found out he had a secret half brother. His half brother was early twenties. They had got close pretty quickly.

I always got bad vibes about his half brother. He was always on the wrong side of the law. Driving under the influence, driving with no insurance, driving after a ban! He seemed a bit of a creep also! Like he would stare at me and make me feel uneasy.

Anyway, me and said guy split up and after this point I was bombarded with messages from hjs half brother, sexual things, asking me out, asking to meet etc. I probably should have reported but I blocked and got on with my life and never gave it much thought. I think there's more awareness for harassment online now.

2 years down the line I had brief contact with my ex. He told me his half brother was in prison for rape which shook me up a bit. He said he had disowned his brother. It was an underage girl.

I then read about it online after googling his name.

A lot of time has passed. I am 30 now so a long long time ago.

Today I was awaiting a parcel and I instantly recognised the delivery guy. I'm pretty sure it's the creep half brother of my ex. He looked at me as if he recognised me. He would have seem my name too. Bearing in mind it was a long time ago he would forget about me right. Maybe he has forgot - hopefully. But I'm convinced he recognised me too!

He looked back when he walked off like it clicked with him too.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is but I just can't help feel creeped out. Like he knows where I live. I order a lot with the company he delivers for! So it's out me off ordering again!

I'd like to think he's turned his life around now he's in his 30's!

I am sure if I told dp (of 9 years) he'd tell me not to worry. But I just feel uneasy, creeped out.

I haven't come across this person in years and I feel sick! Mainly for what he did years ago which had nothing to do with but it was an underage girl!

Like I said, what's the point of this post. I don't know. But I feel like it's triggered some more being harassed online!

The only thing you can do really is contact the delivery company and give them all the details about his conviction. If he's been hiding it from them they will hopefully sack him, if they are aware of it then it's your choice as to whether you want to use delivery company that employs rapists.

Obviously if you have any unacceptable contact from him then get onto the police straight away. Hopefully he's grown up over the past decade or so and is no longer a threat to anyone.

You aren't being irrational - assuming it's the same bloke. I would be terrified too. I know this must be awful. Where do you even go to report something like this? As far as you know, he hasn't actually done anything since being released.

I know that he looked at you and frightened you; and trust me, I don't underestimate the fear that can cause, but it isn't exactly illegal.

No real advice, sorry. Simply assurance that this is not irrational and I'd be scared in your position.

I totally understand you feeling creeped out and triggered by it all, I would do too.

However you can’t report him for delivering a package to you when that is in fact his job.

You also can’t really report him to his employer for potentially being a convicted rapist when you don’t know for sure anyway. You could of course contact the company and enquire or ask to speak to someone in confidence but with data protection laws the way they are they won’t (quite rightfully) give his personal details to you. So you could perhaps call their HR department in confidence and pass on information as you think you know it.

But ultimately it’s a spent conviction and they may well be aware (although employing someone in a customer facing role and sending them to homes would be a weird thing to do).

Don’t order from them again, if it makes you feel a bit safer how about a ring doorbell? Or a cctv cam outside?

This is the reality isn’t it - we are living in a society that doesn’t offer women the protection we need, in so many ways.

Thank you! It really did look like him and I am good at faces. It wasn't a services that give out first names of their drivers like some do. I can't be certain but I'm pretty sure.

I've googled his name and nothing has came up. I remember reading the article say about 10-11 years ago though! Bizarre! I believe it was on a local news site which doesn't exist anymore!

The only plus side is. I live nowhere near where he used to live! So hoping he still lives in that same area! About 25-30 miles away! Hence why I probably haven't bumped into anyone from that part of my life in a long time!

Thankfully the drivers for the company seem to change with every delivery so less chance of seeing him again thank god! 😒

You are absolutely not irrational. I’ve namechanged just in case.

Our area got a new postman for about 6 weeks. He seemed a bit overly familiar from the get go but as others are very friendly too, I pushed it back.

And then he got a job where I work two years later after he’d gone off radar.

(;business name on my payslip envelopes)

This clown remembered my full name and address (not anywhere public at work) described my parents, dog, back garden, neighbours etc.

Knew my route to work. Knew how long it would take for me to walk to work. (Not a well known route and involved a shortcut)

Reminded me I must be due an eye appt if I’d taken up the first one.

I let the boss know and it was passed to HR. He has kept his distance.

It wasn’t just the recall. He worked out how much I earned for two years. He must have studied old rotas and calculated my overtime.

I can’t explain it. But he does creep me out still. The minute there is one foot out of line I’ll be singing it from the rooftops.

At least he has NO reason to come to my door.

Poor you.

@Nametychangety wow! That is awful! Sorry you've been through this!