WIBU to shield last year?

[Farinaz]

I’m in my 30s and I’m CEV. When Covid happened I was told to shield. During summer 2020 people were technically allowed to meet and eat out but DH and I chose not to because of my health. At Christmas 2020 people were permitted to meet up but again we chose not to because of my health. I was top of the list to be vaccinated in January and I didn’t want to risk catching Covid at the last minute when I was due to be vaccinated in just a couple of weeks.

Now DH and I have both had two vaccinations. We’re no longer working from home. DC goes to nursery. We’d be happy to meet up with people within the guidelines. But people are excluding us. I can only assume it’s because we didn’t go out previously? We’ve clearly said that we’ve been vaccinated now and we’re happy to meet up, but people are meeting up and not inviting us.

It’s not just friends - it’s family too. We just found out that MIL and BIL families have been meeting up without telling us, even though we’ve repeatedly asked for the past few months when we can all meet up. DH has cried because he found out his family are meeting behind his back and we’re not invited. He thinks maybe they’re still angry about Christmas.

Honestly, WIBU to shield for a year? Because people are treating us like we don’t exist any more.

Have you initiated plans? Actions speak louder than words

Well this sounds a bit of an unusual situation OP - usually people just speak directly to family and find out what is going on, are there not good relations here generally?

It sounds like you were very sensible and set your own boundaries and are now (correctly!) living normally again.

Is it that they think you are too frightened still?

Nobody on this site will know what is going on - I think this is one of those situations where you need to contact them all and explain you are now totally ready - have you not invited them over?

Is it possible they feel judged by you for not following the rules / staying at home so much?

Have you arranged something and invited them? A meal? Bbq?

Arrange something and invite them?

Talk to them and see if there's an issue?

Is it possible they feel judged by you for not following the rules / staying at home so much?
Family members were breaking the rules throughout. They asked us to meet a couple of times last year when it was against guidelines and we said no because it’s illegal. And when it was permitted to meet up eg Christmas we still said no because of me being CEV. But now it’s legal and we’ve been vaccinated, so we said hey let’s meet up? And the reply was yeah we must make plans some time... no further reply... we suggested dates and were ignored... now we find out they’ve been meeting up behind our back. They even went so far as to text us pictures of their DC playing in their back garden on the days they were out together, so we’d think they were at home.

Perhaps they felt judged by you saying it was illegal. Do you talk to them on the phone at all?

I don’t call them and they don’t call me, though we do text occasionally. DH does call them.

A lot of families and friends have come to the end of the line relationship wise. As for Christmas you applied common sense as did a lot of people. Unfortunately some were very spiteful and self absorbed. We said no to Christmas plans, weren't shielding but it was obvious the rate was spiralling sure enough here we are in June and no one has even called.

YWNBU to shield.
YABU to think the relationship will be the same as it was before.

We were in a similar position and tbh I do feel a bit resentful of friends/family who openly flouted the guidance. Not that I showed it in any way whatsoever. They probably feel a connection together and you are left on the outside.

It sucks.

It’s quite a tricky one as while you were not unreasonable to shield, they may well have had a difficult experience throughout this and feel unsupported. It is safer for you now however they may feel adding to numbers isn’t safer for them. Or perhaps they are not yet comfortable with the level of risk they’d be putting you in. So many possibilities and all of them seem reasonable too. Think you would need to discuss it with them and clear the air as to any resentment or worry they may have.

The exact same thing has happened to DH and me.

We shielded all last year (like you) and people we thought were friends are now totally ignoring/excluding us. Some of them have clearly misunderstood shielding, as in they claim to have been doing it, (despite not having any of the shielding conditions) but have had house guests staying for a fortnight, been to work, to the shops, hairdressers etc, and it looks as though they feel we were BU for sticking to the rules we were given.

We now feel even more isolated than ever and are looking for new friends.

They're judging you.

In much the same way that you've judged them.