Ok so I posted under a NC a poor reverse. Not something I have done before so i apologise. This is my normal user name and I am the resident parent of the children involved.
Have 4 kids with ex husband. We split as he was abusive to me. He has to convictions for assault against me. I filed for divorce and when I did he began threatening to kill me . He was cautioned for it and I had to go via women’s aid and get a non mol. It was in place for 12 months and his mum acted as the point of contact on pick up for the kids. I have posted about our break up and what followed.
He moved in with his parents and then into one room so never had space to have them overnight. Last May he met someone online and in January he moved 100 miles away and in with her and her teenager. He still says there’s no room to have them overnight. Even when I have suggested an air mattress in the lounge etc. It all falls on deaf ears. We don’t even know his actual address as he won’t tell anyone. He’s not even taken the kids there for the day for a bbq in the garden or visit
He sees them once a week between 10-6 roughly. They are often dropped back having not had dinner despite me saying I am out or at work and they need feeding before they return.
The kids have only met his new partner twice. Second time being yesterday. This morning on the way to school my 8 year old told me she gave him a Chinese burn for pushing my daughter too roughly on a zip line. Father asked him to stop several times which he ignored so she did that . Apparently he was there when she did and it was her messing about and my son said it wasn’t hard. I was furious but kept calm and didn’t show that to the children. I messaged their father to ask about it today very calmly politely rationally. He said he was there and witnessed it and it’s a non issue. She didn’t leave a mark and he was his usual cheeky self after.
When kids came home from school I brought it up and my 10 year old said she did the same to him earlier in the Day as he was being boisterous messing around with his brother and he pulled his shorts down . It wasn’t a full Chinese burn it was a twist like she was going to give him one but twisted it slightly then let go. These are my sons descriptions. I am absolutely fucking furious.
She’s a total stranger still getting to know them and should be trying to win them over . He doesn’t think it’s an issue. I am being made out to be a drama queen a trouble maker and picking holes as I am jealous.
My eldest son who’s 15 said she pulled his ear lobe and yanked his ear later back at his grandparents house again in front of everyone as they were messing around ‘bantering’ mimicking her laugh. Again it’s not fucking acceptable. My son has clearly stated he no longer wishes to be in her company and hE wants an apology from the woman.
Now after all what has happened his general shit parenting and lack of bothering and now this I am inclined to stop contact and IF he wants to see them I will go to court take the texts where he admits she grabbed his ear but and I quote - yes she pulled his ear. Did it leave a bruise or hurt. No !! And go for him only having supervised contact.
On the other hand I am being gas lit and made out to be this jealous psycho who will pick on anything to cause trouble as I am jealous. She’s been in his words ‘fully briefed on me and he’s done his homework’ she knows nothing of his abusive past violence or the non mol and so on. At one point I did consider whether to tell her as she has him living with her and her teenage daughter. He’s there with her daughter alone sometimes while she works shifts. I am also a key worker who does shifts and when he was furloughed during lockdown he refused to help or provide any childcare whatsoever . I was told if I lost my job and home because I couldn’t work the kid would have to go into care.
There’s so much more I could write. I had a gas leak at home last week and asked him to have the children overnight to stay as I had no cooking or way of heating water to wash . He refused. Said sorry no space and I Have a job interview why can’t your landlord put you in a travel lodge and then why can’t your mum help out !!
Also the only way I have of contacting this woman is through her facebook. Should I message her direct as raising this with their father has been completely pointless. Or shall I just block everywhere and see what if anything comes from the courts.
There is no way I want this woman around my children and the fact he thinks all this is playing about banter and a big fuss is sickening and fucking disgusting quite frankly. I want to cause hell and get hold of her for this but I need to be calm and keep a rational head about this.
If you have got this far thanks. And again sorry for those who I pissed off with the reverse .