To tell DS what I saw?

[Issamorr]

This is my first post here so apologises if this is in the wrong place.

DS is 16 and so is his best friend. They've been friends since year 7 and they've just finished year 11. His friend is gay. He's always came round here and had tea and played on the Xbox with DS.

Today, he came round and they were playing on the Xbox. I went upstairs to put some washing away and I noticed DS and his friend kissing (The door was open).

I'll obviously be fine if he's gay or in a relationship with his friend but I'm not sure he knows ill be fine with it (he knows his dad is very homophobic).

I'm now wondering if I should tell DS what I saw or if I should wait for DS to start the conversation? Any advice will be appreciated

Surely he will say he has a bf when he is ready, the same as he would say when he is ready that he has a gf (if he likes girls). Maybe they are not serious (yet)

Given your homophobic husband, I would be upfront with your DS. Let him know what I had seen, that I wasn't going to read anything into it, but that he should know that if he was gay or bi-sexual it would be okay with me and that he could rely on me for support and discretion. It's also a good opportunity to talk about staying safe in a relationship (any relationship - talk about contraception too, not just STDs and emotional issues).

I understand the idea of letting him come out in his own time, but I think that's complicated if he has good reason to fear the home environment and a bit of upfront support could save a lot of anxiety.

I think it's also important to let him know you saw because if he doesn't want his dad finding out he may need to be a lot more careful.

Thanks everyone.

I don't want him to be embarrassed about me seeing them kiss, so I probably won't mention it.

I think it's also important to let him know you saw because if he doesn't want his dad finding out he may need to be a lot more careful.

I think this is important. He might want control over how his dad finds out so reassure him you're not going to tell his dad.

I agree with not saying anything. Children like their privacy too. I'd sit on my hands and let it develop naturally as all relationships should do
Deal with your husband as and when

LTB husband. Seriously, why would you be with a homophobe? Your son probably won't want to have either of you invading his privacy as you support your H enough to be with him. He's not likely to trust your 'acceptance' of his friend and probably thinks it's just a social mask if normality when really you're literally married to someone full of hate. Just from my experience anyway.

@3scape

LTB husband. Seriously, why would you be with a homophobe? Your son probably won't want to have either of you invading his privacy as you support your H enough to be with him. He's not likely to trust your 'acceptance' of his friend and probably thinks it's just a social mask if normality when really you're literally married to someone full of hate. Just from my experience anyway.

Chill out, the OP has already said she’s not with the dad.

My DD has come out to me recently, but is younger than 16.

My ex is also a raging homophobic twat, and just a bigot in general who’s gone down the QAnon Trump bollocks whatever it is during the last 2 years (but more so the last year).

Result? He doesn’t know that DD is a lesbian and she refuses to see him now. Our elder DD also sees him very rarely due to this and is fed up because he can’t keep his vile mouth shut and she’s constantly having to call him out, and at 14 years old, she shouldn’t have to.

@Summerfun54321

I wouldn’t say I’d seen him but I’d probably just say something like I know your friend is gay and your dad can be homophobic but you know if you were to be gay I’d still love you, don’t you?

Something like this. Don’t ignore it but maybe don’t lead with you catching him kissing his friend.

Yeah another vote for this. Just talk in generic terms about your attitudes towards gay people and how you would accept him If he were gay or bi or curious etc

My eldest is gay and my husband is homophobic.
My husband still loves our son as his sex life has nothing to do with him.
My son knows kissing his partners in front of my husband makes him uncomfortable so he obviously likes to make DH uncomfortable 😜
Your ex will have to suck it up I'm afraid as no one wakes up one morning and decides to be gay.
Personally I would let your son lead on this one, but maybe help him by inviting his friend to dinner or to days out etc and let your son know that you like him, small steps and all that.

My stepson came out this year. He’s in his 20s. For years we’ve said we wouldn’t care - half of my friends and colleagues are gay, I was cabin crew for two decades. Yet he only just felt comfortable enough in himself to tell us. He said it was his shyness and nothing to do with us. Falling in love brought him to the point where he wanted us to meet his boyfriend and he told us then.