How to deal with a difficult manager? Please help

[Frustratednights]

Just that really. How do you deal with a difficult boss?

I've worked in my job for two years and got a bit of a feeling early on my manager didn't like me too much. It was fine though, you don't have to like everyone and she didn't hire me so I just got on with it.

It's getting increasingly difficult to work under her though. She can be quite condescending and if I ask questions in front of people, she scrunches up her face in an over exaggerated way as if I've just asked the most stupid question in the world. She quite often singles me out and criticises me for things which aren't my fault. For example, I uncovered a problem in a piece of work completed before I started with the company and she blamed me for the mistake and talked about needing more training?! In addition to this, she makes sure I always have a LOT of work. I have more work than anyone else in my team (we are all the same grade and paid the same). I regularly have at least twice the amount of work my colleagues do and it can be stressful. When I have discussed with her in the past that I'm struggling, she told me if I spent less time complaining about struggling I'd have more time to get on with my work. She then put on my performance review that I struggled with my workload. It's become a running joke with my colleagues how much work I have compared to them.

Another favourite of hers is to spring extra work on me. For example, if we are approaching a big deadline, she will start increasing my workload and sending me to full day training sessions. In the past, I have asked in advance if I would be attending a series of training sessions and she said no. Then two days before they were due to start, she changed her mind and decided I would be attending and would dedicate one day a week to these training sessions for approximately 6 weeks (I only work three days a week). My work inevitably slowed down during these weeks and she used this to repeatedly point out that I 'couldnt manage my work'.

I'm at a point where I don't really know what to do. The job market is dire at the moment so getting another job isn't really an option. I'm so stressed and find myself working evenings and weekends at times just to keep up. I've also expressed this to my manager who just brushed it off.

What kind of place do you work? What’s the set up? HR? Etc.

She sounds like she’s bullying you frankly.

There is scope for consideration of this as a potential breach of less favourable treatment of part time worker regulations.
If you have a greater workload or are expected to be more flexible that a full time person, you might have a case. That said formalising the situation often doesn’t serve you well, unfortunately.

Have you discussed in a 121 session with her how you feel? Are you keeping records? I would do both as a starting point.

Does your organisation have a grievance process? An HR team? What is your bullying and harassment policy?

Your work setting is likely to affect how best to address it.

It does sound like bullying if she is consistently treating you worse.

I'd be specific at this stage and put everything in writing. Eg dont say to her you've got more work than everyone else. Say to her that you have spent 15 minutes of your own time checking and for the last x weeks you have had y % more work so how does she think she can make it fairer and distributed more evenly. Back up everything in writing, every conversation you dont think went well. say 'today we discussed this issue and you said the actions were to do that'. The training courses, I'm not clear if you have to go or not but again could you agree in writing that you have to have x weeks notice of training courses and just refuse to go if they are last minute? What you do with this information depends on whether you have an hr and how big your organisation is etc. Could you ask for a transfer to another team? At the very least you will have some sort of proof if the shit hits the fan.

Start covering your back and documenting everything. If she does what I expect you’ll be in a meeting with her with her saying she thinks you are not capable. If you can cover your own arse you’ll be fine. As above re-iterate things by e-nail if you have a conversation with her ‘just to confirm our discussion…’

As pp get as much evidence as you can - your colleagues sound willing to share their work load info with you.

Be really factual about work completed and which tasks you have prioritised and why.

Is there an hr dept or senior mgr above her that you can talk to about clash of work styles and unpredictable treatment?

Almost always in these circumstances I’ve found I’ve held on too long before addressing it then spoken to someone and it turns out that everyone thinks the mngr is awful/bad at their job

I really feel for you OP. I worked for a similar character who in hindsight affected every aspect of my life negatively. Work, home, weekends, evenings, affected my confidence, my worth, self belief, she made me feel so small after years of it. It's only looking back now do I realise her micromanaging made me depressed, but at the time I thought it was just the job role and I used so much energy trying to smile and brave it out. She made me redundant in October. I was the first one to go. I've always been good company, loyal and hardworking and get on well with colleagues. Redundancy was the best thing that happened to me. She was an absolute wench. I'd strongly recommended looking elsewhere or going to HR with plenty of examples of her bullying. Don't waste another minute - if you feel like this how are you going to feel a year from now? I'm in a fantastic new job, with supportive managers and a healthy work environment. You deserve that too.

She's probably just jealous of you, by the way.

You are being bullied. Try and take it as a compliment but do make an exit plan. You cannot deal with her as per your question. She will not change. Put your efforts into documenting this craziness (unfair dismissal, discrimination...sth will make sense) and start job hunting.

HR won't help you. Best case scenario is she will treat you just as bad, but it's more likely that she will retaliate against you.

if you have the energy look into ACAS and employment tribunals.

You’re absolutely being bullied. Document every occasion with dates, times and any witnesses. When you’ve got three months worth, take out a grievance.

I hope it helps to know that competent, popular people tend to get bullied in the workplace.