I have already posted this on the infant feeding board - but posting here for traffic as I need a virtual hug and some support:-
I have a 4 week old little boy, whom I have EBF’d .
During my pregnancy, I had planned to go with the flow with feeding - but thought I’d probably express at some point - I was very much in the ‘fed is best’ camp.
However, Breastfeeding has largely gone well (aside from a few bumps in the road, fixed by perseverance, help from midwives and feeding team helpline etc). I am far more proud of myself than I ever thought I would be with breastfeeding and it means more to me than I thought it would - i feel really invested in it.
DP has had no prior exposure to BF - his family all formula fed and that is the norm to him. He has been really keen from the off to have DS have a bottle.
I have a huge stash of EBM in the freezer - pretty much just from expressing off engorgement during our bumps in the road and catching my letdown from opposite boob in those Haaka shell things.
Up til now I had resisted and just put it off - but tonight I caved and DH gave LO a bottle of EBM. It was lovely to see them together and share their moment - but I can’t help feeling sad, like it’s ruined mine and LO’s relationship and that I no longer feel the pride I had in myself for EBF.
I’m kicking myself because it hasn’t even benefitted me or DS, only DH - it’s not like I was unable to BF him for that feed or whatever, I was sat waiting in the next room.
He used a Medela Calma teat so shouldn’t have even interfered with breastfeeding too much and LO had a very short BF straight after his bottle before falling to sleep.
I know it sounds silly but I just needed to tell someone and share how I feel - honestly feel like I’ve ruined our breastfeeding journey and not can’t shake it.