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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel this way?

2 replies

UnexpectedMumGuilt · 28/06/2021 20:47

I have already posted this on the infant feeding board - but posting here for traffic as I need a virtual hug and some support:-

I have a 4 week old little boy, whom I have EBF’d .

During my pregnancy, I had planned to go with the flow with feeding - but thought I’d probably express at some point - I was very much in the ‘fed is best’ camp.

However, Breastfeeding has largely gone well (aside from a few bumps in the road, fixed by perseverance, help from midwives and feeding team helpline etc). I am far more proud of myself than I ever thought I would be with breastfeeding and it means more to me than I thought it would - i feel really invested in it.

DP has had no prior exposure to BF - his family all formula fed and that is the norm to him. He has been really keen from the off to have DS have a bottle.

I have a huge stash of EBM in the freezer - pretty much just from expressing off engorgement during our bumps in the road and catching my letdown from opposite boob in those Haaka shell things.

Up til now I had resisted and just put it off - but tonight I caved and DH gave LO a bottle of EBM. It was lovely to see them together and share their moment - but I can’t help feeling sad, like it’s ruined mine and LO’s relationship and that I no longer feel the pride I had in myself for EBF.
I’m kicking myself because it hasn’t even benefitted me or DS, only DH - it’s not like I was unable to BF him for that feed or whatever, I was sat waiting in the next room.
He used a Medela Calma teat so shouldn’t have even interfered with breastfeeding too much and LO had a very short BF straight after his bottle before falling to sleep.

I know it sounds silly but I just needed to tell someone and share how I feel - honestly feel like I’ve ruined our breastfeeding journey and not can’t shake it.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 28/06/2021 21:19

You haven’t ruined any relationship; you’ve added to it. Your baby can now develop a great bond with his other parent, whilst still receiving the benefits of breast milk, if you think that’s important. If so, then that’s the main thing. You can still have the bond whilst you breast feed, that hasn’t been taken away.

It sounds flippant, but there are no prizes given out when your kid is 30 for having breast fed using only breasts as opposed to having fed using breast milk in a bottle or with formula. Don’t define your relationship with your baby or who you are as a parent based on this. You’ve produced milk and if your baby having breast milk was something meaningful to you then it’s just as much of an achievement whether it was fed to your baby from the breast or in a bottle.

NatalieLou24 · 28/06/2021 21:42

How you feel is really valid, you've very recently just had a baby and breastfeeding is a very amazing and bonding experience. As the days go on you'll see that no matter who feds him that amazing mother - baby bond is still there. You've done fantastic by establishing breastfeeding, and the bond will always be wonderful wether you continue to breastfeed, choose to breastfeeding and bottle fed or just bottle! Xx

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