In-laws and hosting

[Coolcoolcool]

Would love to know what the dynamics are when you go to visit grandparents with your kids.

We’ve come to stay with my in-laws for a couple of weeks with our 6 week old and 3 year old. Because of Covid we haven’t been down to stay with them for a year. They have recently stayed with us though.

With my parents, when they come to stay and when we stay there, they love to serve us practically - doing odd jobs, shopping and preparing meals, gardening. They won’t naturally jump at helping with childcare, but when asked they are willing.

With my in-laws, their natural inclination is to help out with the kids first and foremost, and they are excellent at it. When they come and stay with us though, they expect to be hosted, which suits us fine as we know the kids are in safe hands and I can focus on cooking, getting drinks etc.

So different strengths but a nice mix. We get on with both sets really well.

AIBU though that when we come to stay with the in-laws for a couple of weeks they will have considered what our 3yo might do for food though?
I’m not expecting them to cook specifically for him, but think through meals & timings and think if they’re suitable for him to join in, if not let me know and I’ll make a different plan? He’s not a fussy eater at all, but so far meal timings have been at bed / nap times and not been child-friendly (spicy curries etc) or enough for leftovers.

I don’t mind cooking something separately, but they don’t have any other food in. They came to stay with us recently so they know the kind of stuff he likes, or they could ask. I think I was thinking they might have in some bits of things that I could work from - cereal, bread, fruit, veg, yoghurt etc. And I get the rest in, but they’ve not even got that.

I probably am BU, but with my mum she asks and gets in food she knows kids like. My MiL is very health-conscious, so I didn’t expect snack food from her, but theres not really the basics in either.

I am not at all expecting to be waited on hand and foot, or for them to cook meals for us the whole time we’re there either. I think I was just surprised that they hadn’t catered for my ds at all, even have some stuff in that I can cook from.

Anyway, I probably am BU, just wanted to know what they dynamic was in your families? If you go to stay, do you sort out your kids food separately?

My son would eat whatever is being offered for dinner at the time, and I just adjust to serve it earlier for his bed time, or I bring a few pre made meals or something shop bought if needs be

My parents always cater for the kids, my IL's never have anything in. I've left kids cutlery and cups etc, plus toys (which have been binned and I've replaced). I once asked MiL to make some shepherds pie for the 4 grandchildren which she did. I have just accepted it and take food etc with me. I wouldn't expect them to alter dinner times.

My mil will get food in for the kids and cook for them and generally try to give us a break/help us whereas my mum will ask what she can get for them but won’t cook for them/sees everything to do with them as our job so the reality of that is I don’t like staying with her as it’s like looking after our DC in a house that isn’t baby proofed with none of the stuff we need. I have to pack everything including cups and spoons etc for the DC, travel all that way, cook them a meal while trying to keep an eye on them in a house that isn’t particularly safe with breakables left at their height meaning I have to go round asking for things to be moved. In the mornings they don’t get up until late so I’m trying to keep DC quiet for hours.
It’s easier to host than do all that whereas going to my mils does actually feel like a break.

If we were to go stay with mil I would buy stuff for the kids and most likely make it myself although to be fair she would happily sort out their breakfast or lunch. My parents will double check what the kids like, so for example they will get their favourite types of cereal in, yoghurt, full fat milk, breadsticks, carrots, celery and lots of fruit. My mum cooks separate meals for the kids as her cooking is spicier than mine and they won't be able to manage it just yet. She loves cooking for the kids and serves their dinner at 6pm which is when they would have it at home.

I'm your shoes I would just go out and get some groceries for your 3 year old, if your mil asks why mention it and most likely next time she will get those things in for you.

Whenever we have stayed with mil, we always do a shop on the way there for specific bits we/kids need. Not sure I would ever expect her to know what we need?

2 freakin weeks and noone discussed food? Madness. Get the food in your kids will eat. No Biggie.

My parents and MIL will always cook my children's favourite food but my children aren't fussy and will eat most things.
When my children were little we used to feed them at their usual meal times and then we'd eat later, or when they'd gone to bed. We don't bother to do that anymore and all eat together.

I think the food timings is weird - are they serving dinner at 8pm when bedtime is 7pm? That is strange.

Food though.... I guess different if they know what he eats and won't eat from staying with you, but my 2 1/2 year old will eat pretty much anything an adult would, including spicy curries. I'm surprised it wasn't discussed in advance on day one - 'oh, when were you thinking of having dinner? Ah, we'll need to eat earlier, is that ok? Should we cook something separate?' I can't imagine getting all the way to a mealtime without having discussed it in advance. Even if we go over to my parents for lunch they'll say what they're planning to make.

DH's sibling and niece and nephew came to stay with us years ago, before we had kids. He asked if we should get any special food in - 'oh no, they eat everything.' I was a bit suspicious so still got 'kid' food in based on what some of my friends kids seemed to eat - hummus, plain bread, yoghurts. They arrived and didn't know what to do with the hummus or the couscous we'd made and it turned out that 'eats everything' meant 'eats everything little kids are supposed to like chicken nuggets and beans.' So it can be a minefield and I think the only way through it is communication, as their tastes change so quickly at that age.

Sounds like you should just treat them like a holiday let. I always bung in a couple of cans of baked beans and sweetcorn, a loaf of bread and a large milk so I can feed my DC if it's too late to get to the shop when we arrive.