Am I being lazy?

[Nosleepingclub]

Hi everyone.

I’d love to know everyone’s thoughts on this as I’m unsure if I’m being a lazy twat or not. Please be gentle, I know my son waking a lot is a issue, it’s been a huge thing in our lives since he was born but that’s a separate thing altogether!

I have a 14 month old and I’m a SAHM. Like all toddlers, my son is very ACTIVE. He doesn’t stop all day from the moment he wakes to the moment he goes to bed. He loves to be held and interacted with all day so I don’t really get a second to stop.

He currently wakes around 2-5 times a night still so I still do all the wake ups and it can take anywhere from 15 minutes to put him back to sleep, to 1.5 hours. So I don’t really get a full nights sleep ever (does any parent?)

I have high expectations for myself being a SAHM (guilt I think) so I cook all homemade meals for each his meals (I need to learn to meal plan better!) and I cook my husbands dinner, clean the house, do every chore imaginable in the house, do most of the DIY (we moved in a year ago and still haven’t really ‘moved in’) and take my son out for a walk or activity at least once a day.

Now, on paper that sounds like I’m not lazy (right?) but I now have taken to sleeping when my boy does on his one and only nap. His nap can be around 1-3hrs (baby led, I don’t wake him)

Does this make me lazy? I don’t do it if I feel energised (which is rare) but I do it most days. Am I being lazy? I still go to bed at around 8-9pm most nights as I’m shattered.

No one has said anything to me, I just feel so bloody lazy but I also feel like I don’t have a second to myself and whilst I’d love to stay awake during his naps and have ‘me time’ I find myself nearly falling asleep when putting him to bed!

I could lay off the chores I guess but I find if I miss one day, I end up paying for it the rest of the week.

Anyway, would love other mums opinions.

My husband does help where possible but he does very long hours and wakes very early so I tend to only get help on the weekends, but I’m still my sons primary caregiver even then.

Absolutely not lazy. you are doing no one any favours if you run yourself into the ground. You are only being sensible.

Of course not you aren't getting a full night's sleep so nap if you need to.

Of course it is not lazy. You need sleep to function.

Sounds very sensible rather than lazy.

Not at all! You’re clearly doing what your body needs. It’s a tiring, 24hr job, and it’s critical to take of yourself!

Jesus, no, of course you’re not lazy! I spent time with two pre-schoolers last week and was exhausted after two hours and very relieved when they went home! I don’t know how I did all that ten years ago…
Really important to take time for yourself.

No u aren't being lazy. I nap when my 10 month old dies and was the same with my eldest

Sleep is a sanity and marriage saver. Napping when you can is good.

Looking forward, freeze some of those home cooked meals, cook one for everyone and serve the infant yours the next day.
He’s old enough to sleep through now. Reduce settling time if he wakes, don’t rush into him. Let him learn to self settle. Buy blackout curtains.

"You time" is time to do fulfilling things for yourself. Atm, for you, that's sleeping. Don't feel lazy! You clearly need the rest; your little boy sounds ever so sweet but very energetic. You're listening to your body.

My DS is a similar age and still waking and I’d love to nap when he does (have another child so can’t) and suspect I’d generally be a better parent if I was more well rested

I’m not voting as I don’t know which way round you want it but you are not lazy! Waking that often in the night is torture. You’re doing everything in the house, get some sleep while you can!

It's not just "not lazy", it is the only sensible course of action. If you're sleep deprived, passing up on an opportunity to catch up on some sleep would be foolish indeed.

You are doing so so so much, of course you should nap when he does. It’s practically mandated.
If can afford it, the let go of homemade meals for one day a week. Have a take away, pizza from the freezer, or one of those more fancy-almost-like-homemade ready meals.

Drop or outsource some of the chores. Lower your standards/expectations of how tidy the house must and how on top of chores you need to be.

Have a designated “day off” from chores/DIY so you can just enjoy being with your son and having a nap without waking with the frenzy of things to do.

Maybe create a timetable - Monday laundry, Tues DIY, Weds day off etc

I have a nap every day and I don't even have a 14 month old! I remember that age was absolutely exhausting. Not sure which way round to vote, but napping is never U. Fact.

Not lazy. Your situation with night sleep is rough. But this might be why he’s not sleeping well at night:

His nap can be around 1-3hrs (baby led, I don’t wake him)

A three hour nap might be too much for his needs. I cap my just one year old’s at two hours but he often wakes up naturally before then. But if you don’t want to ‘control’ sleep then I think you’ll have to wait until he naturally stops waking up five times a night.

Anyway. Not lazy. I’d be a wreck if I was woken five times in the night for up to 1.5hrs a time. 😳

Not lazy, I work nights but never really have warning. I’ve taken to having a nap most afternoons even if not working.

An afternoon nap is amazing. If you can do it then don't waste any time feeling guilty!
Its very common in Mediterranean countries. A siesta is totally normal for many people.

Not lazy.

I'm ill and have just woken up so wasn't clear in the voting.

I thought Yabu to call yourself lazy. But then votes seemed contrary to comments. So think I've got it wrong! As I say I'm poorly...

If he’s waking that many times in the night you should absolutely expect to need to make up sleep in the day.

You’re clearly not lazy.

I’d do some gentle sleep training though as that seems excessive night waking at 14m and both you and he would be better off with better sleep at night.

You are doing a LOT already.
Small point though about if the child naps in the afternoon for a long time then it sometimes messes up their night sleep and you can't get them to bed at a reasonable time.

Only down side. It is kind of nice to look forward to a 'knocking off time' in the evening when at least you and your tired DH can sit on sofa etc.