To send friend request/message to this mum….

[TableFlowerss]

DC will be going in to year 8 next. (I will say ‘He’)

He has made friends with a lovely group of 4 boys, so 5 of them now. The boys all went to same primary school and one of my good friends knows one of the boys mums (and kind of knows the other 3 mums) and says she’s lovely and has told her about my DS being a lovely boy etc…

Friend says all 4 of the boys are lovely boys so I’m happy with the friendship group.

When they were at primary I got to know the other parents but it’s not the same at secondary. One of them we because so close, she was one of my bridesmaids!

It’s DS bday after summer holls and he’s wanting to do something a few miles away from where we live and to invite the friends. Ideally the parents would bring their kids but it’s a bit of a trek. (Football camp 50 mins away) so I was thinking of offering to take them (my friend has a mini bus) to save the hasstle of parents, but I’m mindful they don’t know me. I wouldn’t want to let DC go off with a stranger….

Now I keep seeing one of the mums pop up on my social media list. I’ve thought about sending her a quick message and friend request to say ‘Hi I’m Alfie’s mum. Helen was telling me you know each other and how lovely all the boys are’ etc etc… As a kind of introduction.

I don’t want her to think I’m a mental case but equally, our kids are friends so don’t want to be a complete stranger and that’s a way I thought would be quite good.

Again, it’s mainly for when DS has his birthday then at least I feel she’ll know me a bit better and she can tell the other 3 mums that I’m descent 😂

When I think of the random friend requests I get on social media - went to sand primary 33 years ago for 6 months….. then I think this has an actual purpose?

Yey or neigh?

Yeah go for it, quite normal I think

@Pregnantpeppa

I wouldn’t accept a friend request from a random mum of my Dc’s friend as I only have actual friends on my social media but I would happily let my 12 year old go off after a quick phone chat or drop round and coffee. I usually get the number of the mum from my teen DC by asking them to ask the friend for their parent’s number and then text.

Yes that’s a good idea too. I know some people only have actual friends but this mum has over 1000 and we have lots of mutual friends so I think she’s quite liberal with who she adds/accepts.

If it was all private I’d certainly wonder if like you, she has only actual friends at which point, I wouldn’t sent it.

Good idea though

Totally normal. I have mums from dds class as fb friends even though I’m not 100% sure which child they belong too (I’m dreadful at faces)

I sent my son's friend's mum a Facebook messenger message so that I could organise a playdate. She then added me as a friend. All worked out absolutely fine 😊

I wouldn't accept a FB friends request from someone I wasn't friends with in RL, no, but everyone is different. No harm in asking, if you want to. All that will happen is that they don't accept the request if they don't want to.

However, I don't / didn't expect to know my dcs' friends families at secondary school.

@BackforGood

I wouldn't accept a FB friends request from someone I wasn't friends with in RL, no, but everyone is different. No harm in asking, if you want to. All that will happen is that they don't accept the request if they don't want to.

However, I don't / didn't expect to know my dcs' friends families at secondary school.

I completely understand what you’re saying but would you not have wanted to get to know the parents of the children your dc were hanging about with?

It’s so difficult at secondary

No, not really.

They are (were) my dcs' friends, not mine.

I got to know many of them through always being welcoming in terms of them (the friends, not the parents, obviously) being welcome to come round here. Sometimes I'd meet some at Parents' Evenings or the odd concert or something, or if someone picked up a young person from our house, or I did from theirs.

don’t do it !!!! he is in year 8 not primary school now, leave him navigate his friendships/planning etc

Oh that'd make me feel awkward and obliged to accept (although I still probably wouldn't).

People use SM differently. Some have people on there that they really don't know (or even like in some cases) and others like me only accept real friends and family.

These are your DCs friends so I wouldn't muscle in or blur the boundaries.

If you're inviting your DC's friends somewhere, it's sensible to ask for the parent's phone numbers for communication/emergency but I'd leave it at that.

@WorraLiberty

Oh that'd make me feel awkward and obliged to accept (although I still probably wouldn't).

People use SM differently. Some have people on there that they really don't know (or even like in some cases) and others like me only accept real friends and family.

These are your DCs friends so I wouldn't muscle in or blur the boundaries.

If you're inviting your DC's friends somewhere, it's sensible to ask for the parent's phone numbers for communication/emergency but I'd leave it at that.

Very true. That’s certainly an option for the future

I reckon go for it. This is one way to make friends (isn't it?) All the time I see people saying how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Hardly surprising is it, going by the replies above.

Hi, I''m Helen's friend/Alfie's mum ... and off ya go

Just get your son to ask his friends for their mum's numbers. Then you can text them. I'm not friends with any of my teenage kids' mums on SM though we've got to know one another over the years.

Could you arrange meet ups in the summer holidays and do drop off / pick ups so you can say hello?

Presuming year 8 is secondary, it’s quite normal not to know your DC’s friends’ parents. This is the time when they start getting independent and you need to trust them. The comment you made about not letting your DC go off with a stranger (ie his friend’s mum) is a bit odd. There's no harm in facebooking this woman, but there’s also no need. You need to take a step back and be less over involved.

FB is sort of a window into your life so for me it's more personal than WhatsApp. Give your son a WhatsApp with details of the logistics and your number, ask him to forward to his mates to give to their mum's. Highly likely one or other of the mums will then get in touch.

Y9 kid here, I know very few of his friends parents beyond where they live and quick catch up at drop offs etc and even that is diminishing we.

Oh yes I would. I think it’s a nice thing to do and I would gladly read similar. Social media is great for this kind of thing.

It’s nice to know your DCs close friends parents and if she doesn’t want the contact she can just reply briefly.

I’m quite a simple person though and not easily offended by stuff like this

I would have no objection to receiving such a FB friend request. But I would never send one to someone else in this situation, either.

I’d get my DS to ask his friend if his Mum was willing to pass on her mobile number. They always are.