Mil and her snappy dog

[Gymhairdontcare]

Mil just won't give it up, she is constantly asking us to go to her house and saying her dog won't go for dd! The dog has gone to snap at another child ( who we know within the family ) and I before I had dd I used to look after said dog as mil was worried she would snap/bite the other grandchild, ( I didn't have children at this point ) once I had my dd I said I don't want the dog around my dd, I've had to fight this for over 3 years and she's still nagging about it and doesn't see an issue with the dog being near my dd especially now as the dog is " old and doesn't hear a thing "

I feel like it's a constant battle for my child's safety and not sure what more I can do, I am so fed up of telling her no I don't want the dog near my little girl, the few times I did go to their house they said the dog would be shut away but they let her out or brought her in when I said I would only come if she wasn't anywhere near dd at all!

They are moving in a few weeks and it'll be expected we go see their new house and I am adamant I still do not want dd near the dog, what can I say or do? Partner just shrugs it off and say he will say no at the time but it is going to cause issues.

@romdowa

Just say no? You've made your position clear and it's not respected. So just stop going around and tell her exactly the reason why.

This. Just dont go and dont let DD go. If MIL asks why,reply 'you know exactly why'

Worrying that you can’t trust your DP to prioritise his DD’s safety.

See the house while someone looks after your daughter.

@Nordicwannabe

Oh, and I thought that deafness actually increases risk of the dog biting, since they are more likely to be taken by surprise?

I was wondering about this too because this is how I’ve always understood it, and what I thought I remembered seeing on some dog program where they try to “fix” biting (i.e. they discover a younger dog is partially deaf and that’s part of why he’s more reactive).

I agree with pp who says deaf dog is more risky. My beautiful old dog started to attack anything that came through the letter box, because it now came as a surprise - previously he would see and hear postie etc in the street before they got to our door, so he was expecting the delivery. If he's old and deaf, he probably has worsening sight as well. It's not fair on the dog or your daughter. Stay firm. They are being ridiculous. Does MIL by any chance get her own way all the time normally?

I have two current dogs. When my young grandchildren , aged 6 to 2 years visit, the dogs are in the utility, child gate to keep them contained and children prevented from accidentally provoking them. I’ve always had between 1 and 3 dogs but, lockdown meant my current huge boisterous 8 month old pup wasn’t introduced to the children when he was a tiny ball of fluff, rather than the enormous hooligan he is currently.
I adore my dogs but my grandchildren are way above them in any pecking order.
Small children and dogs they haven’t grown up with don’t mix. dogs they have grown up with need space, so do the children
I simply don’t understand why anyone would allow a snappy dog near children (or people )

Thankyou for your replies I ask my partner to say to her we womt have dd near their dog and she said that dog is friendly quiet and loving towards everyone but if that's how we feel then that's fine by her.
Hopefully that'll be the end of that one now but I doubt very much, I'll probably have some snide comment made at me or Something lol xx

I think YANBU to ask the dog to be kept away from your daughter but I think YAB a bit U to object to how they do it (crate, car etc.). If they respect your wishes, they'll put the dog away, and then part of your job is not to worry/think about how they do it, as long as the dog is safe.

@WanderleyWagon I understand what your saying but I think it's wrong to put a dog in the car when they can easily visit us without the dog having to be put in the hot car xx

@Gymhairdontcare for sure, a hot car isn't a place for a dog.

You're totally in the right Gymhair.

My Gran had a series of snappy 'lap' dogs, which she kept near her at all times, eg pekineses, chiuauas. Whenever any of the grandchildren went to give her a kiss, we'd all get bitten by her bloody dog. None of the adults paid it much attention. I've been nervous around dogs my whole life, I'm sure in part because if this. And don't get me on the subject of dog owners who say 'He's very friendly / only playing' when their dog comes bounding up to me, totally out of control.

You just keep saying no, dog needs to be kept away from your child, again and again and again. Not sure what else you can do really.