To be angry at that Head?

[HateElevenPlus]

Can't give too many details as might be easily identified so will keep it short :
DS in an independent school, he had a disaster of a year where he has been physically attacked at school by a 'friend' and had very little support from the Head on this apart from "boys will be boys".

The incident upsetted him massively and more so the fact that that boy was never disciplined (school doesn't actually believe in discipline).
DS started getting really angry, his behaviour towards us deteriorated and after a few very argumentative weekends he told school "mummy tied my hands up and chained me in bed"

Instead of school discussing /assessing this comment with us, or even understanding what triggered him to say this, Head called me to say she's reported me to an agency (apparently step before social services)

To cut a long story short agency called me, they were very empathetic , they realised where all this is coming from, gave some good advice and dropped the matter

I've had lots of clashes with the Head over the attack on my child and how she handled it and just wondered (as this is a first for us) should she have refered us straight away to that agency? It doesn't feel right as kids -especially when frustrated - are capable of saying the weirdest things. We ve been trying to deal with an awful situation and the impact on our child, and the Head's decision to do something like this made us doubt the school and his future in that environment

Any experience/advice on this is really appreciated x

P. S I absolutely get she'd have to do this from a safeguarding perspective but we've been in this school for years, never had anything like this before and it's obvious my kid is going through a really difficult phase

School did absolutely the correct thing. Think about it.

I understand your frustration at how the head handled the incident with your son, but when it comes to the comment the head was right to report.

The comment was quite specfic, and rang alarm bells. It doesn't matter how long he's been at the school, reporting her concerns was absolutely the right decision.

They were right to report but God were they wrong about your son being attacked. I hope he gets the help he needs. I would be looking at other schools and be vocal about the reason why tbh

Whoever is at fault, I suspect that you and this school are reaching the end of the road.

There must be plenty more to it.

Yes. Yabu

Safeguarding relies on the other agency (social services) doing the collating and investigation.

The schools duty is a reporter and not an investigator. Certainly in my role id be struck off my professional register if I did anything but pass that on and at attempted to do any investigation my self.

The idea is that all the info goes to a single source eg. Neighbours had called police about shouting, a medical professional, neighbour or other out of school club had raised concerns.

Other wise what happens is the potential for each agency to act without knowing the context, eg school decides not to pass it on because they feel confident enough its been made up, all the while their are reports from Neighbours they aren't aware of.

Often though social services close very quickly but its social services role to make that decision. The idea isn't that they are asking social services to intervene always but simply passing on their bit of information.

I raise lots of safeguardings that I know won't go any where other than a quick call to the parents, possibly not even that. But its my job to do so

The Head did the right thing.

I understand it’s upsetting for you but the Head absolutely had to pass that on.

They don't have a choice in the matter - they have to report, Surely if your child made this up, there i a high chance that the school attack was made up too?

The head did the right thing.

The Head did exactly the right thing following Safeguarding procedures.

How do you think they should have handled it?

I think you need to consider a different school.
Yes safe guarding procedures have to be observed so I don't feel the head was in the wrong with that issue.
But I wouldn't be sending a child to a school that doesn't believe in discipline.

The Head had no choice but to pass on what had been said. How old is your son? What sort of n attach are we talking about. Obviously no child should put their hands on another but the schools actions may be different depending on what exactly the attack was.

Thank you all that’s really helpful

To those questioning the attack, it happened in front of the Head at lunchtime. The boy who attacked DS had other complaints against him , but Head wants to avoid make things official hence not acting on it. If she acknowledges an issue it means (in her head) that there is an issue at school which she does not want to accept ; they’re on a massive marketing mission to getting new kids in.

We found out this week that the Head has been stood down this week temporarily and till end of term and deputy is taken over (they re not saying way) which makes us even more suspicious

We already looked at other schools and DS starting new school in September

Thank you all, grateful!

Correct to report but they dealt with the initial
problem extremely poorly.

What kind of school doesn’t believe in discipline? Is it a weird Acorn school or like Bloo School or something?

@Oysterbabe

How do you think they should have handled it?

Looked at his wrists? Restraint marks are very clear my child had them after the hospital pinned her for a procedure she had clear fingerprint bruises consistent with restraint and puncture wounds on her hands they didn't call social services I explained it to them showed them the hospital letter and that was it

They did the right thing but I'd look for a school where attacking another pupil has some sort of repercussion.

We found out this week that the Head has been stood down this week temporarily and till end of term and deputy is taken over (they re not saying way) which makes us even more suspicious

This almost certainly means the head is off - probably asked to leave and negotiating a compromise package.

Head did the right thing, I understand it is upsetting for you but abusers can appear very normal and respectable on the surface so they have to report and investigate. As for your son being attacked, that's appalling, but why are you keeping him at a school (you are paying for) that doesn't believe in discipline, surely there are alternatives?

@Theunamedcat

Schools are not supposed to judge or investigate - it’s a cornerstone of child safeguarding.

The child made a serious allegation and the only action a school should take is to report it.

That was absolutely the correct course of action.

Ah sorry cross posted with your update!

@Theunamedcat also your situation is different.

Your child I assume didn’t allege an issue - the school saw a bruise and asked for an explanation which you were able to give easily.

“ What kind of school doesn’t believe in discipline? Is it a weird Acorn school or like Bloo School or something?”

It’s just a normal Prep in west London but I myself realised this year, the minute an incident happens, if school acknowledges it they must recognise there is an issue they must address! And that Head is just not keen in logging incidents!

I’m the DSL at my school ( designated safeguarding lead) and I’d just echo pp who say they absolutely had to refer it . What the agency / social services do with that information is up to them . It’s not the school’s pace to make that judgement call .

Thank you all, you’ve been massive help
This has been bugging me, I feel we can just move on now!
It does show you the impact of a poorly run school

What about reporting it to the police.

Your son was assaulted in front of the head.

If she doesn't want to do her job selectively, let the police be involved.