To be feeling really emotional at this?

[poorfanjo]

I've had a bit of a breakthrough. I weigh 20 stone now, March 2020 I weighed 25 stone. People are starting to notice but I've done it for me. We recently had a 2nd trimester loss and during that pregnancy I put on 2 pounds but now I've lost another 6.

I didn't know why my eating was disordered , I knew it was but I couldn't pinpoint why I constantly ate when emotional or whatever.

I just got back from my mums after staying there for 3 days. day 1 she commented on how much I was eating, and it just continued. I don't think it's a conscious thing for her, I think she just wanted what's right for me, but she didn't let me make food as I was a guest but also served up ridiculous portions, I'm doing calorie counting and by end of day 2 I'd eaten 800 calories over 2 days. Now I know what you're thinking 'just make yourself some food' well I did, I went to the shop and bought some food for me and kept it in my car and that's my breakthrough. I went back to teenager years with food in the car to eat at night.

And there we go. My dad died when I was 12 from bowel cancer he was 50 and I think she saw his poor diet and my weight gain after his death as 1 and the same thing.

I'm going to crack on with my healthy eating, calorie counting and I'm
Going to start therapy to address this and my ptsd.

It feels like a massive breakthrough for me. I can do this, and I can put barriers up now so that she doesn't do this to my children and I don't repeat this either

Good for you. Best of luck

Well done on the weight loss so far, 5 st is really quite imoressive! May I ask, did DM serve tiny portions when you were a teen then, leading you to get some 'secret' food and demolish it all?

*impressive

@ViciousJackdaw absolutely! It used to make me feel really anxious unless I knew I had other food to go eat afterwards.

Well done on your weight loss. Definitely worth doing therapy.

I have a similar issue. I have an eating disorder as a result of a long period of food restriction by my parent, which led to extremely disordered eating at the time. As an adult I am not good at being hungry, and tend to eat large portions, even when not hungry and beyond being full, as my brain still doesn't realise that there will be a next meal, so wants me to eat everything in case there isn't. I do have a serious weight issue.

@Gigglebiscuit same, I buy so much food and the cupboards and fridge are always full. I get a bit anxious if I don't have what I would perceive as 'enough food'

Well done, OP on the weight loss and well done on identifying the probably cause of your problem.

Your mum probably has her own traumas so don't judge her too harshly but protect yourself

That's amazing, well done you. She's given you a complex but your realisation means it's cracked now, so continue with your new way forward as it's clearly working.
My friends have children who are adopted snd one has an unhealthy approach to food because of his memories with his parents, it's hard to recondition yourself, but possible - be proud of yourself

I'm not going to judge her at all I'm just going to try and break the cycle :)