To be tired all the time. It’s relentless.

[cadburyegg]

I’m 33, single parent, kids 6 and 3. I’m a healthy weight, eat a good diet, fit and active. Wfh in a great flexible job. I’m just tired and exhausted all the time. 3 year old usually wakes at 6.30 or earlier. Today he fell asleep on the sofa when their dad came over for a few hours. No idea how long he slept for but as a result he’s not in the least bit tired now. I’m sitting in his room waiting for him to go to sleep. 6 year old a bit better but usually at least one of them is up until 10 for one reason or another.

I do fun active things with them on the weekends I have them but as soon as we get in the car they fall asleep and then bedtime is ruined. So I have the choice of staying in the house all day with them bickering and turning the house into a war zone but they go to sleep by 9-9.30, or going out and having a good day but then I have no evening at all. Frequently I’ve wanted to go to bed before them.

I get EOW to recharge but it never seems like enough. Then it’s back to 12 days straight in a row of either looking after kids or working. I used to be able to go on the treadmill or do a workout in the evening but these days that’s extremely rare. I don’t have time to watch even half an hour of tv or have half an hour to myself most nights. After they eventually sleep tonight I’ll be loading the dishwasher then going to bed myself. It’s very rare that the house is in a good enough state for me to invite people round.

I guess I thought with youngest now 3 that I’d start to get more of my life back. But I haven’t at all. Holidays are even worse. AIBU and does it get better.

You're not unreasonable to want some down time in the evenings, I don't know how I'd cope without a few hours to unwind once kids in bed. Could you do some work on the whole bedtime routine? My kids are 4, 6 and 9 and they're all in bed asleep by 7.30. They wake anywhere from 6.30-8. At 3 and 6 your kids should still need about 12 hours sleep a night.

Thankfully we're past the falling asleep in the car stage but when we were in it I'd do whatever needed to prevent it. Sometimes it was loud music and we'd have a little car disco, or playing eye spy or watching a tablet, anything really to prevent it as like you say they're then up until all hours.

It does get better and relatively soon. Do try to get them to help. At school they will be expected to scrape their plates so at school get them to scrape and put in dishwasher. Presumably the youngest will be in nursery and fairly soon in school. Do also consider getting check up for anaemia, thyroid etc to make sure there isn't a medical cause.

You need to sort out the naps, a 3 yr old doesn't need to sleep in the afternoon. I wasn't a strict mum, I don't think but was very religious about bedtime routines and it was very rare not to have them settled by 8pm at the absolute latest. You need time to yourself to stay sane.

My 6 year old just isn’t tired

I don’t “allow” the 3 year old to nap but if he falls asleep in the car there’s not much I can do. I do wake him if he falls asleep on the sofa but he’s really difficult to wake

Trying to keep them awake in the car with tablets etc is a good idea

I never cared what time dc stayed up until, but they did it in their bedrooms. So if bedtime was 8.00 they didn't come down after that, but they could read play in the bedroom. Not ideal but my sanity was as important as their happiness!

@MrsPsmalls

I never cared what time dc stayed up until, but they did it in their bedrooms. So if bedtime was 8.00 they didn't come down after that, but they could read play in the bedroom. Not ideal but my sanity was as important as their happiness!

Yeah I would be happy with this tbh and so would 6 year old. 3 year old not so much! Hopefully it’ll improve as he gets older

I think its time to start a bedtime routine, that means bed no matter if they are tired or not. I was nicknamed the bedtime sergeant because I stuck to it strictly from a few months old, bedtime was bedtime regardless of visitors, babysitters, if we were out we came home in time, it meant they were used to going to bed and they learnt to play quietly on their beds and later to read until they fell asleep. You're late starting but it's still possible, try it, you need the downtime and you'll feel better as a result.

I kept mini packs of haribo in the glove compartment. Little sugar hit and distraction kept them awake on my drive home from nursery for that tricky year where ifvthey fell asleep at 5 they d be up till 9. I also couldn't wake mine it was virtually impossible

Try to get ready the night before for weekend trips, breakfast then straight out, with everything you need, lunch out/packed lunch and back home before they are at that time before they would fall asleep in the car, sounds limited but it helps avoid the dreaded late to bed because slept in the day.

I shamelessly use ipads loaded with Cbeebies downloads to stop going-home naps in the car.

I also enforce bedtime pretty hard, mostly because i want some evening to myself (i am not a single parent, but i do the majority of the childcare).

When they were/are little this meant a gro-clock 7-7 and a pile of books in the cot/bed that they can look at after i’ve done story/lullaby/kiss goodnight, on the strict understanding that it was that or sleep, I did not allow any other playing or getting up.

Now dd1 is 6, she is allowed to do other quiet things after bedtime at 8 (colouring, writing stories, reading) as long as she stays in her room, and gets up at 6ish to watch horrible histories by herself until i surface at about 6.45 with dd2, because she doesn’t need that much sleep.

I have always been quite open with her (and will be with dd2 as she gets older) that bedtime is compulsory, even if sleep is not, both because they need quiet winding down time/sleep, and because I deserve some time to myself to do grown up things alone, so bedtime is non-negotiable. Every 2-3 weeks dd1 gets to stay up late for a film night with us which makes her feel very grown up because it is so seldom. It seems to work for us and so far everyone is happy.

Completely agree with PP. 9-9.30pm is very late for primary and under to be going to bed on a good night! That's a terrible night in our household. Twins are down by 7pm at the latest, and even my teen goes to his room by 8.30pm (and understands that whilst it's not sleeptime for him, it's go to your room time) because DH and I (or just me, if I were single) need adult time to relax. Make sure this time for yourself happens.

It will be trickier as you're starting later on, but it's definitely doable.

Why are you travelling far enough for them to fall asleep? Rookie error.

And toys, snacks, iPads etc etc in the back keeping them awake is obvious surely?

You are seriously making life hard for yourself.

Why are you travelling far enough for them to fall asleep? Rookie error

Because not everything is on my doorstep?? I live in a village so travel everywhere in the car. Both of them need new shoes so we are going to Clarks tomorrow and that’s 30 min away, just like a lot of other things like the most local swimming pool, soft play, country park, shops etc

Snacks don’t stop them falling asleep. They eat them too quickly. Toys don’t either

Ah well.

You'll figure it out.

It’s relentless. Mine are 8 & 11 and I’m still tired. The stresses change but it’s busy….