to ask how I can make a difference?

[Caligraph]

I am stuck in a bit of a vicious circle - don't feel there's much purpose to my life, so am.getting a bit withdrawn / isolated. I wondered if anyone here could help me work out what to do. I'd like to feel that the fact I've existed will make some difference.

I'm in my forties, single following end of long term relationship. I think too late for children. I can support myself quite well financially in the job I'm in, but I moved from frontline to management a few years ago and I miss the work I did directly supporting people. Need to keep up full time hours - single life is expensive. Close to family but we are private and self sufficient people.

I'm not the kind of person who lights up a room. I can't drive (health reasons) and I can't volunteer during work hours. I've no unusual skills but I'm quick and competent with numbers and IT, I get on with people, I can write up a report or deal with emails pretty competently. I'd be happy to do training if I could fit it in.

I do give to various charities regularly. When I was younger I volunteered but it all seemed less formal then and my time was more flexible. I live 90 minutes or so from the nearest big city and 30 minutes from local town, so fitting opportunities in is tough.

This isn't meant to be a moan. My life is okay but I feel it's a bit pointless. I feel that if there was a good cause I could work on, maybe online from home, maybe contributing some of the funds I'd sent elsewhere, I might be able to do a lot. I've name changed because I normally keep personal details quite light here. I wonder if anyone here has any sense of what I might be able to contribute where I wouldn't just be edging other people out or making up numbers?

I know some charities (I think Age UK?) you can volunteer to call a lonely/vulnerable elderly person to check in on them. I think they’re quite flexible with hours

Samaritans call line? I think they look for volunteers to man phone lines.

I'd have said you sounded a good candidate with a bit of life experience and the ability to listen to people.

Thanks. It might be worth thinking about - I just don't think I'm much good at that kind of thing. I mean I know people who are great with people and I suppose I'm quite shy. I did that kind of volunteering as a teenager and always felt a bit sorry for the people who were stuck with me when they could have had better company.

I suppose I may need to push myself out of my comfort zone but I do that all week at work. I wonder if there is any need for more back office work. But I will think seriously about that, thanks.

I don't know precisely, but I think the fact that you'd be happy to do the stuff some people would find 'boring' - IT stuff etc - would be a huge bonus. I looked into applying at an animal sanctuary near me to volunteer - partly because we got our cat from them and wanted to help out, but also for something to do - and they were desperate for people to do the stuff like filling in funding applications, admin for events they were holding, etc rather than the people who were only interested in coming to stroke the cats. I imagine this is the case in volunteering work generally - fewer people wanting to do stuff that feels like a job rather than the more hands on fun stuff.

Do you have specific causes you'd be interested in? My first thought is to decide what kind of area you'd like to help, then look for local organisations and email them with some of what you've said here - you can offer admin-type support, X hours a week, any relevant experience or reason you'd like to help.

Also, Google led me to this list - volunteering from home opportunities. Any of these take your fancy? www.dosomething.org/us/articles/9-places-to-volunteer-online-and-make-a-real-impact

@MadMadMadamMim

Samaritans call line? I think they look for volunteers to man phone lines.

I'd have said you sounded a good candidate with a bit of life experience and the ability to listen to people.

Thanks, that's worth thinking about too. There's probably a bit of a selfish aspect to this - I'd like to feel I was making a difference. I think with the Samaritans I'd never know (and would worry). But I need to do something so I'll draw up a list and try to conquer my objections to at least one option, eventually. I'm not from this town or this country which makes it a little harder to know if I've thought of all the possibilities

How about your local parish council? The one near me is always looking for volunteers and there seems to be a lot of admin/treasury tasks on offer.

Scout and guide groups usually look for volunteers to keep up to date badge records or financial stuff. I always avoided it preferring to get my stint in attending meetings as a helper but I know cub leader was very grateful to his badge secretary 😊

Have you considered fostering? You needn't necessarily change or give up your career, particularly if you foster a child of secondary school age. You would make a massive contribution to the lives of young people.

You also talk yourself down. Would you consider some therapy to look at why you do this and if it holding you back from feeling fulfilled?

When you say you can't drive for health reasons, is that something you can fix / overcome? I think your life will be so much smaller without that. Did your partner used to do the driving?

I agree brownies/scouts/beavers is a fantastic way to get involved in the community. Are you a church-goer at all? I know a lot of ladies at my local church volunteer at the mums and baby group they have there, I used to go to the group and was welcome although I am not a member of the church.

@CoRhona

When you say you can't drive for health reasons, is that something you can fix / overcome? I think your life will be so much smaller without that. Did your partner used to do the driving?

Not in the short term - epilepsy. If that resolves, I could drive in future. I think it did add to the sense of life shrinking in lockdown in particular.

I am really attracted to fostering @Daydrambeliever , but I don't think I could do it as a single woman working full time. In about ten years I'll have paid off the mortgage so could maybe go part-time / give up work and do it then. But I couldn't yet - also usually need to drive though I hope there are some exemptions.

I do see about talking myself down, but I'd like to do something I felt secure I could do, and it is that vicious circle - as it stands I don't think I'm doing anything useful.

I was going to suggest Samaritans too or something like Child line. You can do Samaritans face to face at music events etc too so you'd actually be working together for a long weekend with people which might help you feel less lonely too as you'd make friends.

[quote therocinante]I don't know precisely, but I think the fact that you'd be happy to do the stuff some people would find 'boring' - IT stuff etc - would be a huge bonus. I looked into applying at an animal sanctuary near me to volunteer - partly because we got our cat from them and wanted to help out, but also for something to do - and they were desperate for people to do the stuff like filling in funding applications, admin for events they were holding, etc rather than the people who were only interested in coming to stroke the cats. I imagine this is the case in volunteering work generally - fewer people wanting to do stuff that feels like a job rather than the more hands on fun stuff.

Do you have specific causes you'd be interested in? My first thought is to decide what kind of area you'd like to help, then look for local organisations and email them with some of what you've said here - you can offer admin-type support, X hours a week, any relevant experience or reason you'd like to help.

Also, Google led me to this list - volunteering from home opportunities. Any of these take your fancy? www.dosomething.org/us/articles/9-places-to-volunteer-online-and-make-a-real-impact[/quote]
I think that might be the kind of thing. I suppose the same causes most people would support - child welfare, refugees, foreign aid.

I'm not really a churchgoer @Kanaloa and I would feel out of place as a childless woman getting involved with mother and baby groups, scouts, guides etc. I feel as if the other volunteers would tend to be parents and a lot of the conversation child centred. You see your own friends going that way in your 30s and 40s - not everyone I'm sure and all respect to them anyway. Parish council is well stocked here too.

But I really appreciate people taking the time to share ideas - it is helping me get things clearer in my head. Thank you all.

Have you thought about charity Trustee positions? It is a serious responsibility and commitment but can often be managed outside of office hours and is a chance to make a real difference. A lot of local charities could really benefit from your skills. Many will be doing meetings online at the moment and some will continue beyond the pandemic, I'm sure. Just another thing to consider, maybe.

I think you sound like a perfect school governor. Meetings are in the evening generally, you need to have a strategic mind and be able to understand facts and figures and reports. In deprived areas it can be very difficult to recruit governors and you would definitely be able to make an impact and see the difference your oversight was making.

I didn't know that about Samaritans and actually something with a balance of remote independent work with occasional events could be nice. I'll bear that in mind.

I would really echo the need for people with admin skills.
many charities need behind the scenes people to do this kind of thing.

Yes, I am in a very similar position to you, OP, and have become a school governor. I find it really interesting and it is good to have non-parents on the board. Or what about applying to become a magistrate?

I know almost nothing about school governers or charity trustees and would never have thought of either. Thank you. I live in a relatively deprived area but one with strong communities and social ties, so as a non-local I might worry about barging in on established groups. To be honest I had thought of these roles as nice to have on CV so maybe done for those reasons, but not needed in the way you describe, but this is a really interesting perspective @Didiusfalco @guinnessguzzler.

What are your professional skills, OP?

I sit on the board of a non-profit organisation. They were specifically looking for someone with my background to reduce their outsourcing costs.

I’m not paid, they get the benefit of my skills, it saves them money, and I guess it’s not bad for my CV either. Win-win.

@steppemum

I would really echo the need for people with admin skills. many charities need behind the scenes people to do this kind of thing.

Yes - I think if I still lived where I grew up, I'd know people and charities needing what I could offer, but I'm struggling to feel my way locally. But that's why this board is great - it's really helping.

@JoanOgden

Yes, I am in a very similar position to you, OP, and have become a school governor. I find it really interesting and it is good to have non-parents on the board. Or what about applying to become a magistrate?

What kind of thing have you done in the role @JoanOgden, if you don't mind me asking?

@OffRampHilton

What are your professional skills, OP?

I sit on the board of a non-profit organisation. They were specifically looking for someone with my background to reduce their outsourcing costs.

I’m not paid, they get the benefit of my skills, it saves them money, and I guess it’s not bad for my CV either. Win-win.

A bit of a mixed bag - languages but European, nothing that useful in the charity sector. Proofreading and editing for educational textbooks including maths. Database and coding though a bit out of date. Education - not schools, though. And more recently middle management which no-one (in my area) really trains you for.

School governor might work for you.

I volunteer for Home Start, and we have a couple of volunteers who can only visit families at the weekend because they work full time.

Maybe look at stuff for the National Trust too. Where I am, they often want occasional weekend volunteers to do stuff like pond dredging, or litter picking. These sorts of things are also advertised frequently on Next-door.

look at TimeBank - they list volunteering opportunities including things like admin for charities / trustees.

timebank.org.uk/